Noble Spirit
by Cowoline
Summary: Anders has been in Krikwall for almost two years, when his past with the Wardens catches up to him. A mystirious woman shows up in the Hanged Man and Anders is forced to reveal his past. Parring: Anders/F! Cousland, Justice/F! Cousland
1. Chapter 1 The woman

_Anders has been in Krikwall for almost two years, when his past with the Wardens catches up to him. This is a story I have dabbled with and just wanted to see if there was any interrest in it. Let me know what you think._

- OOO - Author's note - OOO -

It had been three months since the deeproads expedition and Varric had been busy selling all of the treasure they found down there. He had help from Hawke of course, but since Carver joined the wardens Hawke had not been himself. Thank the ancestors that they had brought Anders with them. The warden sure had his uses, in addition to a humour that Varric appreciated. It was just a shame he seemed so troubled all the time, but Varric guessed that a spirit of Justice would do that to you. Hawke had finally gotten his estate and both he and Varric had donated money to Anders' clinic. Varric and Hawke was sitting in his suite in The Hanged Man, going through some of the next items they were going to sell when one of the serving girls entered.

"Varric, there is a lady here to see you."

"Show her in."

In came a woman with pale skin, dark brown hair and was carrying a girl, about two years old on her arm. She smiled at him, but she seemed to have a sadness about her. Varric didn't know why, but he had an instant desire to help her. Hawke gave her a smile. Always the flirt even if the woman was a mother.

"Hello lovely woman and what is your name?"

She immediately started to cry and Hawk helped her to a chair. Hawke and Varric looked at each other completely at a loss about what to do. She sniffled and dried her eyes.

"My name is Varric Tethras, is there something we can do for you?"

"I'm sorry, it's just been a long journey. My husband is missing you see and I was told that you might know, where I can find him. Last I heard he was here in Krikwall meeting an old friend named Anders."

Varric and Hawke looked at each other with concern. How did someone know where Anders was? He had clearly gone to great lengths not to be discovered.

"What makes you think we know an Anders?" Varric asked.

"I was told you knew everything and everyone in this city. The last I heard about my husband was that he was seen in Kirkwall and when I heard about a healer treating the sick I hoped it might be his friend... but I guess I was wrong." She started to cry again and neither Hawke nor Varric could take it. What kind of sick bastard leaves his wife and child behind?

"I know where he is. Just follow us and we will show you to him. I promise we will help you find your husband." Hawke answered eagerly. Never could he turn down a beautiful woman.

"Thank you so much." Her eyes lit up and both men instantly felt a lot better.

Walking through Darktown they would have expected the woman to react more strongly, but she seemed to barely notice to the smell. She did however give money to a lot of the children that they passed on their way. Varric couldn't figure it out. There was definitely something odd about this woman, but Hawke insisted on helping her. _"Always a sucker for a pretty face"_ Varric just hoped it wouldn't hurt Anders in the end. She could after all be a templar in disguise. They reached the clinic and Hawke looked at the woman.

"This is it."

"Alright... You two might want to cover your ears. And please hold her." The woman said and handed her child to Varric. Gone was the crying woman and a strong one had taken her place. There was something of about her. This was only confirmed, when they entered they clinic and Anders turned around.

"Hawke, Varric, what are you... Oh shit!" Anders eyes widened, but instead of reacting in an aggressive manner, as Varric expected, he lifted his hands making himself seem as harmless as possible. The woman had taken off her cloak and was now walking towards him with determined steps and fury raging in her eyes.

"You Maker forsaken bastard!" She roared.

"Look, I know I owe you an explanation." Anders tried.

"An explanation?! Really?! You think?! You sodding nughumping idiot!" She spat sarcastically, before picking up a potion from the table and raised her hand.

"**Don't you dare!**" Anders warned, but she threw it at him and he only just dodged.

"For Makers sake Ellie!" He replied as he backed around his clinic with the angry woman following him around. The patients were scattering out of the clinic.

"Don't you dare Ellie me! What in the void were you thinking, running off like that?" She growled.

She threw a pot at him this time that almost hit him. He picked up a stool to try and fend of the things she was throwing at him. Anders then looked at Varric and Hawke with a pleading look, but they were just enjoying the spectacle of the rebel mage being bullied by a small woman.

"A little help here guys?" He asked desperately.

"No way! This is much to entertaining to watch!" Hawke chuckled as another pot came flying through the air.

"Varric?!" Anders tried again with a pleading look. Varric thought it strange that Justice hadn't manifested himself yet. He usually did that when his host was threatened. Then again Anders didn't do much to defend himself.

"There is no way I'm getting between that woman and her prey. I have seen darkspawn less terrifying than her." Varric chuckled.

A knife then came through the air right passed Anders' shoulder cutting a few of his feathers before hitting the wall behind him. Anders looked concerned, but not surprised.

"Love, please listen to me." He tried. Hawke and Varric's yaw dropped and another knife went passed Anders' head.

"Love? Maker Anders did you do another man's wife?" Hawke chuckled. What he wouldn't give to have met the Anders before Justice. Anders gave him a serious and remorseful look.

"She is **my** wife." He sighed and Hawke and Varric looked even more baffled.

"Oh is that what I am? Funny, since you ran away without word! You let me believe you were dead you bastard." She sighed deeply and lowered the next knife.

"Why did you run Anders? I thought you were tired of running. Maker knows you ran from the circle enough times..." She sighed again and sat down on a cot.

"I'm sorry, I..." Anders tried finally lowering the stool and taking a few steps towards her.

"No, it's my own fault. I knew what you were like. I thought you loved me. I thought you had changed, but that's what I get from marrying a flirting apostate. I'm so **stupid**!" She burrowed her face in her hands and Anders went towards her kneeling before her.

"I am sorry love, but after what I did I just couldn't face you. I have changed, but I **do** love you. For all my shortcomings at least believe that I love you." He pleaded. She lifted her head and looked down at him.

"Then why did you leave?" Her voice sounded almost pleading.

"I made a terrible mistake, Ellie. Last time you left, Kristoff's body was in so decayed that Justice could barely function in it anymore. I... I wanted to help him and... after what you told my about Wynne I..." Anders looked away from her with shame in his eyes. Ellie's on the other hand finally seemed to understand the words Anders had yet to tell her.

"You merged with Justice."

"Yes..." Anders didn't look at her, but she put a hand under his chin and lifted his head.

"Of course you did... My noble, kind-hearted mage, but that doesn't explain why you ran. You must have known that I would understand." Her eyes were kind, but Anders got up and walked around running his fingers through his hair in frustration.

"No, you don't understand. I changed him! My anger changed him! You must have heard what I did to those templars and wardens. That is who I am. I'm no longer the man you married, I'm a monster!" His eyes were tearing. Hawke and Varric looked at each other. They had never seen him like this. Not even when he had to kill Karl. She walked up to Anders and placed her hands on his face.

"I refuse to believe you or Justice is a monster. You couldn't have known what would happen. I heard about Rolan's betrayal. Under no circumstances was he allowed to involve the templars in warden business. Damned Orlisian warden! I shouldn't have left, when I did. I should have..." She didn't finish because Anders crushed his lips to hers while holding her face in his hands. She wrapped her arms around his waist and silent tears streamed down her face. Hawke and Varric should probably have felt uncomfortable and left, but they were both at awe over this development. The rebel, warden, apostate living in the sewers was married? Anders let go of her mouth and rested his head on her forehead.

"You always try to not make it my fault. I'm dangerous love. It's not safe to be around me." He sighed heavily. She looked at him and crooked an eyebrow. Unspoken words were exchanged between them and Anders smiled.

"As if you would be the most dangerous thing I have ever faced." She chuckled.

Anders kissed her nose and looked at the little girl Varric was holding. For a moment his expression became hesitant.

"Is... Is she mine?"

"Of course she's yours, you ass!" She slapped him across his shoulder and he pulled her in for another kiss before she could argue. When he released her lips once more he gave her a serious look.

"Can you forgive me?"

"I already did." She smiled up at him and kissed him lightly. Hawke finally found his voice.

"What in the name of Andraste's undergarments is going on?"

Anders turned towards his friends, took his wife's hand and went towards them.

"This is Hawke and the dwarf is Varric. They are friends of mine. This is my wife, Elissa Cousland."

"The hero of Ferelden?! You must be joking, blondie." Varric chuckled with disbelief.

"No he isn't. I am the hero of Ferelden, I am married to Anders and please just call me Elissa." Elissa smiled and picked up her daughter.

"Okay, there is a story behind this and I have to hear it." Varric smiled.

"Yes, but I don't think this is the place." Anders agreed.

"The Hanged Man, because I need a drink!" Hawke said and his threw up his hands and went out the door with Varric right behind him. Anders gently placed an arm around Elissa's waist and let her out of the clinic.


	2. Chapter 2 Nightmares and Games

Nightmares and Games

-OOO- Elissa -OOO-

_The blood and gore is everywhere is the walk down the curving hallway and up the stairs. There are no windows, nowhere for the smell of burned flesh to disappear to. The floor is sticky and covered with half dried blood and magical residue, making each step a struggle. The next room is even worse. There is a growth around the room that almost looks like organs festering with pus. There is no sound. It is the silence of death, destruction and hopelessness. They have encountered demons and abominations up until now. Even though it was disturbing she held her nerve. She could hear the screams of children and ran to the next room. A templar is standing with his sword in front of a girl who is on her knees. Around them are the bodies of mages. She tries to scream and interfere, but words escape her and the girl falls to the ground. The right of annulment has been completed._

Elissa sat up with a gasp. As if dreaming about darkspawn and archdemons weren't enough. So many things had happened during the last year. She had to make so many difficult decisions and "What if?" questions haunted her more than the taint in her blood ever could. The early sunlight was streaming through the window. She got out of bed a looked out the window, she looked down the courtyard. It all looked so different and yet the same. Every memory of this place, even the good once, where painful and full of regret. This had been her last night in Highever and it was a mixture of sadness and relief that she would soon be leaving for Amaranthine. She longed to get away from all her haunting memories. The blight had ended three months ago and ever since then, she had been running. After a year of being hunted, everyone had expected her to relax a little, but she didn't... even less after the Kings marriage to Queen Anora last month. She had kept running, never staying in one place for long, but now duty called once more and running was no longer an option. Elissa got dressed and some days even that seemed to be a struggle. Fergus was probably waiting for her in the dining hall.

Elissa entered the dining hall and was greeted by her brother. How Fergus could manage to stay here was beyond her. She still had the memory of her sister-in-law and nephews body printed firmly in the very surface of her mind. She sat down next to Fergus and poured herself some tea. Fergus gave her a concerned look.

"Elissa, are you sure you want to leave?"

"I don't want to, I have to. Besides you have Highever under control and now I have Amaranthine and an entire order to rebuild."

"Surely the Orlisian wardens can handle that. You are not well dear sister and it pains me to see it."

"I know Fergus, but I am the Warden-Commander of Ferelden and it is my responsibility."

He nodded in defeat. Her brother knew that responsibility, duty, honour and nobility were the most important thing to her. It had cost her so much that noble behaviour of hers and she knew he worried that she sacrificed her happiness for it. Fergus had been so protective of her these past few weeks and she was grateful. After all they had no one, but each other. But now it was time to stop hiding and hopefully rebuilding the order would keep her mind occupied. After breakfast she packed her things and said goodbye to Fergus. A guide named Mhari had been sent from Denerim to escort her to Vigils keep.

The journey was fairly uneventful until they got to Vigils keep. The rain was pouring and Elissa was looking forward to a meal and a hot bath. The dream quickly vanished as they met a soldier running from the keep with darkspawn right behind him. Elissa got of the horse and pulled out her dagger and sword. This was what she needed. This would keep her mind occupied.

-OOO- Anders -OOO-

So close to the goal and then he got caught, because he had stayed a few minutes to long at the inn in Amaranthine just to flirt with a waitress. Anders had to chuckle at himself and was unaware whether it was his carelessness or libido that got him into trouble so often. He was now placed in a lovely prison cell in a keep outside Amaranthine, while his templar guards took a much needed rest. He took pride in the fact that he had wearied them out like that, before they were able to catch him. Anders was the kind of person that in an attempt to suppress all his anger and pain had turned everything into a game. Escaping from the tower was a game, getting recaptured was a game, love was a game and sex was a tool that could be used in all of these games. Nothing mattered, but the pleasures of the moment. The templars were nowhere to be seen and Anders cursed himself for not knowing how to pick locks. He looked at the hinges. Perhaps he could freeze them and find something that could shatter them? He looked around the cell, but found nothing that could be used for the purpose. He could of course try to break on off the legs of the bed and use that, but if the templars came in and saw that, they would know he was trying to escape. They would then smite him again. He wondered if the templars even knew how much smiting hurt, but they probably didn't care. It was like having the life slowly sucked out of you. The mere thought of it made him shiver. As he was contemplating how to get out of that blighted cell he had screaming and fighting. What in the name of Andraste was going on? The templars came running in and opened the door.

"Well, it is so kind of you to rescue me. I didn't know you cared." Anders smirked as his voice was dripping with sarcasm.

"The keep is under attack, Anders." The templar said as he handed Anders a lyrium potion.

"Attack? Who's attacking?"

And at that moment a large group of darkspawn appeared. Anders quickly drank the potion and felt the manna in is veins returning. He stood between the templars and the darkspawn. For men, who where suppose to capture and protect the world of dangerous mages, they were unbelievable cowards. He smiled as fire began to sizzle on his finger tips. Another game, a new game had started. The blazing fire roasted the flesh of the first two darkspawn. A third one got its eyes burned and in its fury it started to cleave its axe violently. Anders jumped aside as it came towards him, but the templar behind him was not nearly as nimble in that large armour and his throat was cut. Anders wanted to heal him, but it was too late. In the fury of seeing his comrade fall the other templar charged into. Anders tried to stop him, but it was no use. The fool had already doomed himself and fell to the ground. Anders smirked as he saw the remaining darkspawn coming towards him. He could feel the adrenalin in his veins mixing with his mana and the feeling was intoxicating. He was enjoying this game. His eyes glimmering with mischief and power he once again released the flames from his finger tips. He smiled when the last darkspawn fell to the floor, but turned around as he heard the door behind him opening. A young woman had run in the door and was now glaring at him. She was beautiful. Her hair was dark brown and went to the middle of her back and was gathered in a ribbon in her neck. Her eyes were a green and gentle. Her face was sweet, round and her nose round and cute. He looked at the templars and then back at her fearing the misunderstanding.

"I didn't do it." He shrugged and was surprised as she gave a laugh. Unsure of what to make of her reaction he continued.

"Don't get me wrong. I am not broken up about them dying to be perfectly honest. Biff there made the funniest gurgle when he went down."

"So you slaughtered all those darkspawn by yourself? I'm impressed." She smiled.

"Of course, well they helped... a little, before the tragically died. You may call me Anders dear lady. I am a mage and sadly a wanted apostate."

"Since you just burned a bunch of darkspawn, I figured you were a mage... or a very talented pyromaniac." Elissa answered still smiling and Anders returned it. This conversation was getting more interesting by the moment.

"An apostate? At Vigils keep?" Mhari mused.

"You weren't here when we arrived. I am sure I would have remembered such a lovely woman as yourself. We were just stopping here on our way to the tower. Just a short rest they said and now they are dead." He winked at Mhari and then turned around.

"I really couldn't care less about what you are." Elissa answered. Anders was a little surprised, but just smiled and used the opportunity to take in her beauty once more.

"Pretty and pragmatic. A striking combination. Look, I suppose I could help you with these darkspawn or you could just let me go. They will send more templars eventually. They always do."

"Not if I tell them you are dead, they won't."

"That is rather marvellous of you. I'll just go out the way you came. Have fun slaughtering the darkspawn, Maker knows they could use it."

As he went past her he could smell the lovely scent coming of her. The scent of rose pedals and vanilla almost had him stop in his tracks, but he continued out of the keep.

-OOO- Elissa -OOO-

Mhari turned her head after the mage and Elissa smiled. His flirting nature reminded her of Zevran. She had to suppress a giggle, as she watched Mhari's eyes widen as she looked at the mage. He was handsome. Mhari then gave Elissa a concerned look.

"Are you sure that was wise Commander? Apostates are dangerous."

"They are not more dangerous than anyone else. They are just as likely to stab you in back as a nobleman. Besides one of my dearest friends is an apostate and she helped me defeat the blight, but we don't have time for a political debate. Let's move on." She smiled.

Before Elissa was recruited into the wardens she had never even met a mage. She had heard all the tales of course. How the ancient magisters created darkspawn, because they in their lust for power entered the Golden City. She heard how mages were dangerous to themselves and to others. She grew up fearing them and their magic. During the blight she had seen mages succumb to demons and blood magic. She had been anxious when they had arrived at the circle tower, but when Alistair had explained to her what the templars were planning her heart ached. They were going to kill each and every mage in that tower... even the children. She had defied the Knight-commander and decided to save the mages. And she did. She will never forget that day. It wasn't the blood mages or the abominations that terrified her. By that time she had already seen corpses rising from the ground, demons and more darkspawn than she could count. It was the feeling of imprisonment. The tower was dark with no windows, no sunlight. The placed seemed drained of hope, but at the time she had assumed it was Uldred's doing. It wasn't until later she learned why the tower had almost been destroyed. Uldred had been desperate and wanted to free the mages. It was the fear of being locked up and punished for being born with magic, which Loghain had used to his advantage.

After befriending Wynne and Morrigan, after seeing what Lady Isolde was willing to do in order to keep her son, Elissa got an entirely different view of them. Her heart was breaking from empathy and rage. How could they do this? Take children away from their parents and lock them in a prison. After losing her parents she knew all too well the pain Lady Isolde and Arl Eamon suffered, when their son was finally taken to the circle last month. Then there was Jowan. After saving Conner from a demon and venturing into the fade in an attempt to redeem himself, Elissa had asked to speak with him. For some reason he confided in her, telling her about how he lost the woman he loved and how he feared that his emotions would be removed. Elissa remembered meeting a tranquil in the tower and had found him to be just as unnerving as the abominations. Jowan had risked everything for the woman he loved and then later did everything in his power to make up for his mistakes, but the outcome for him became the same. Death or tranquillity. Elissa had even tried to conscript him, but without any luck. She regretted not letting him out of that cage and telling him to run. One of the many "what if" that haunted her.

Though being born a noble could hardly compare to being locked up in a tower, Elissa knew all too well what it meant to be confined because of who or what you were. The expectations to rise above your ancestor's achievements. The demand that you should marry another noble, who would allow you to rise even higher in society. No matter what you did, people would still see a noble woman. With all the resentment, envy or regard that followed. She knew all too well what it was like not having the right to decide over your own life and she had resented her lineage in secret. Elissa had loved her parents of course and they had given her much freedom, which is why she became such a skilled fighter, but the obligation was always there. Her mother had frequently bothered her about how difficult it was to find a suitable husband for her and Elissa had only been twenty-two when her mother died. Elissa had never expected that she would marry for love until she had met Alistair. For a year of being with him she had allowed herself to believe she would marry for love. What a fool she thought herself to be, when once again duty and obligation forced her life to be pulled in a different direction. After learning about the mages she had scolded herself for complaining about her small problems. At least she was allowed to marry and keep her children, unless they were mages of course. She could go out in the sun and without being watched like a criminal. She vowed to herself that in her order at least, mages would be treated equally.

-OOO- Anders -OOO-

On his way out of the keep Anders had rescued three of the vigils staff from a few darkspawn. Those beasts were truly a menace. He had carried out a female servant whose leg had been hurt and now healed it. He told her to run and was about to follow her, but found that he couldn't. They needed him here. For all his flirting, quick temper and sarcasm, he had a very kind heart. His kindness was just always being overlooked by the templars and his fellow mages always mistook his kindness for an attempt to flirt with them. That was the price he paid for turning everything into a game; no one took him seriously. Not even the first enchanter. Anders looked up and saw some commotion on the high walls of the keep. Someone up there was in trouble. He ran to one of the guards and asked for the fastest way to the top of the vigil. He was pointed to a door that let into a spiral staircase. Anders ran up the stair and then sneaked along the wall. As he stood there he heard someone coming towards him and saw the two ladies from earlier, accompanied by a dwarf. The leader looked at him with a surprised gaze and a tender smile. Maker, how could she look so pretty when smeared in darkspawn blood?

"So just a thought, you might want to be careful out there. I believe the big darkspawn who led the attack is out there. At least he was earlier." Anders said looking around the corner.

"You know for a dead fugitive, who is supposed to be in hiding, you do turn up in the strangest places." Elissa smiled.

"I know I know. I am terrible at the whole fugitive from justice thing. I was already on the road and I thought, well I couldn't just leave. Not yet anyway. So I came to help and kill darkspawn. They kind a go together I hear."

"Thank you. Your help is appreciated." Elissa said kindly.

"Thank me later. I'm pretty good. You will be mighty grateful I came back. Believe me."

"A mage comedian? That's a useful specialty." Oghren grumbled.

"About as useful as smelling like whisky breath, I imagine." Anders replied sarcastickly.

"He's a keeper! Let's make him dance!" Oghren chuckled.

"Gentlemen, darkspawn first. Then you can get drunk and settle this dispute later." Elissa smiled.

-OOO-

When Anders woke is head was aching. He wondered for how many hours he had been passed out and even more so how he ended up in a bed. This had certainly been one exciting day. Captured by templars, attacked by darkspawn and conscripted by the wardens. He still had trouble believing that Elissa had defied the templars. He would never have expected that from a noble, but then King Alistair had also stood up for him. He must have been the luckiest son of a bitch in all of Thedas today. He was about to sit up, when the headache intensified. He cast a healing spell and lay back down on his side, his face facing the door and closed his eyes. He few minutes later he heard the door open, but he kept his eyes closed. Hopefully they would think he was asleep and go away. His head was still sore and he wasn't in the mood for the dwarfs jokes. He then heard then person coming towards him and he felt them putting a blanket over him. When they walked away his curiosity got the better of him and he slowly opened his eyes. Elissa was standing by the desk. She had put down a tray with some food. Well, his luck hadn't run out yet it would seem. He sat up and smiled.

"Personal service from the commander herself, this is my lucky day it would seem." His smiled quickly faded as he noticed her drying her eyes, before she turned around and gave a small smile.

"Are you alright commander?" He asked concerned.

"Yes... it's just been a trying day. I had two of the guards carry you in here. Thought, it might be embarrassing for you to lie drooling in the main hall." She smirked.

"I don't drool, but you could have a mattress or something for us to land on you know." He grumbled rubbing his temple.

"You should be grateful you were inside at least. I landed on a hard stone floor in a ruin." She smiled.

"I suppose I should. How is Mhari? Maybe I should go heal her if she has a headache like mine."

"She... she didn't survive."

Elissa turned away as Anders saw the tears forming in her eyes. He wanted to comfort her, but he didn't know if t would be proper. He had often comforted others in the tower and could not stand to see others suffer. In the tower there were some young women, who got carried away with the thought of forbidden romance, they would flirt with the templars without realizing the danger they put themselves in. This more often than not, resulted in physical struggles and sometimes even rape. Anders would find them heal and comfort them. Other times it would simply be a templar punishing them for breaking curfew or what other rule they might have broken. Most often they would come to him for comfort simply because they were feeling lonely, depressed or frustrated. This comfort was usually given in the form of sex. But this was different. She was different. This was not a fellow circle mage that needed some reassurance. This was the slayer of the Archdemon, a fearless leader, a noble and his commanding officer. Elissa was uncommonly pretty and looking at the way her leather armour embraced her body, reviling almost every curve her body had to offer, Anders would definitely not mind consoling her. The image of her naked and panting beneath him made all the blood flow from his head and down. He was so close to just standing up, turning her around and kissing her senseless, but decided that would be unwise. How he hated being wise.

"I am sorry Commander."

"No Anders. I am the one who is sorry. This is my responsibility and burden as commander. I am glad you and Oghren made it through. I brought you some food and wanted to see how my newest warden was doing. This will be your quarters. There will be a briefing in the morning at nine in the main hall."

Elissa smiled and then left the room. Anders lay back down and tried to rest, but her sad eyes haunted him. He was curious what lay beneath them. She seemed mild and gentle and yet ferocious. She had not yet seemed affected by his compliments and he was convinced that her heart was not easily touched. But he would unravel the mystery of Elissa Cousland. A new game had begun.


	3. Chapter 3 Avoiding curses

**Avoiding curses**

Varric took a large gulp of his ale, while Hawke was filling his mug for the fifth time. Anders had always been very vague about his past, but it wasn't until now Varric began understanding why. He looked over at Anders, who was carefully studying the toddler sitting in her mother's lap. Seeing Anders like this was strange. Meeting the legendary Hero of Ferelden even more so. The tales about this woman would make most men cower in fear. She was a woman placed on a pedestal like a Goddess, for all to see but for no one to touch. On top of that she was a noble woman from the most prominent family in Ferelden. But currently she was sitting in a dirty tavern, in civil clothing, with her child on her lap and married to an apostate. There was no way that Varric would ever make anyone believe this. The truth really was more absurd than stories at times. A bright smile formed on Anders' lips, as the little girl giggled.

"What is her name?" He asked looking at Elissa.

"Eleanor." Elissa replied.

"After your mother." Anders said with understanding, as his finger stroked the child's cheek.

"Yes, I would have asked my husband of course, but he was absent." Elissa said with a wicked grin, concealing the hurt behind it.

"I'm so sorry, if I had known you were with child..." He began.

"You wouldn't have run?" She replied with a doubtful look.

"I don't know... I have made such a mess of things, but I will try to right some of it." Anders said wistfully.

Elissa looked at him softly and leaned forward to kiss him. Hawke emptied his mug and starred at Anders.

"So let me get this straight. You arrive at the keep, it is under attack and you meet a man who declares himself an apostate with two templars lying dead on the ground. You then let this mage run of and later save him from the templar searching for him?" Hawk asked dumbfounded.

"Yes." Elissa replied calmly.

"Where have you been all my life, woman?" Hawke laughed.

"Oh, you know, fighting darkspawn, ending a blight and other usual warden business." She smiled.

"But why would you risk it? He might have killed those templars. Knowing Anders, and I mean this in a fond way, the chance that he killed them was fairly high." Hawke continued.

"One of the things we have in common." Anders grinned.

"I have fought more darkspawn than most and travelled with mages for almost just as long. I can quickly tell if people have been killed by one or the other. Besides I told him to run. He had no reason to come back, but he did. There was nothing for him to gain and he had everything to lose by it. You can tell a lot by a man's character by his actions." Elissa explained fondly stroking Anders' cheek.

"You lucky son of a bitch, Blondie. What happened next?" Varric asked.

"Well, the next day..." Anders continued.

-OOO- Anders -OOO-

Anders had just awoken from the worst night's sleep in his life. The commander had not been kidding about the nightmares. There were definitely many downsides to becoming a warden, but anything was better than being locked up in a tower. Besides here he was free to do as he chose and did not have to worry about templars catching up to him. Unless the Chantry decided mages within the wardens were apostates too. But he decided it was enough with such gloomy thoughts. The company here was enjoyable and he had his own room, not just a nook separated by bookshelves. And certainly an improvement to the cell he spent the past year in. So despite sleeping poorly, he almost had a spring in his step as he walked down the corridors of the keep. He stopped dead in his tracks, when he heard voices from around the corner. He knew it was the commander and King Alistair, but he had assumed that he had already left. This was probably a private conversation, but eavesdropping was one of the games he loved the most. In the tower it had given him a feeling of power and control over the templars, knowing what they did not want others to know. He leaned against the wall and thanked the servant who had chosen this spot to put a large flowerpot. It was almost the size of a large bush.

"I wanted to give this back to you. It's not right that I keep it." Alistair said in a sad voice handing the sword to Elissa.

"Thank you, Your Majesty. This belongs in Highever with my brother." She replied calmly, but not looking him in the eye.

"Elissa... you don't have to hide from me." He said lovingly.

Anders looked at the King. The way he was observing her was unmistakeable. There was a softness in his voice and a longing expression in his eyes, that could be seen even from this distance. This man was in love with her. Hers was harder to read, but she was clearly affected by him. And why not? Having the King being in love with you could give you great influence. _"Aaahh, the pressure of being noble. Who to sleep with to get the most influence and power?"_Anders thought to himself with sarcasm. Arrogant nobles never saw beyond themselves and realised what was really going on in the world.

"I hate seeing you like this. I'm worried about you." He said softly.

"I can assure his Majesty, that it does not interfere with my duties." She replied calmly.

"Maker Elissa! Enough with the titles! Do I really deserve to be treated this coldly? There is nothing I want more than having you by my side." He said with offense.

The look she gave him made Anders' heart ache. It was almost like seeing an apprentice from the tower, looking of pictures of a world they would never see. The same sorrow and feeling of being bound was present in that look alone. It was the same look that a trapped and beaten animal had. Not an expression you would expect from the slayer of the Arch demon.

"The Couslands always do their duty first and what is in the best interest of the people. I do not wish to treat you this way, but under the circumstances I think behaving properly is our best option." She replied calmly.

Anders wondered how she could keep her voice so steady and her mind so collected, when the pain she was suffering was painfully obvious in her eyes.

"We don't have to be apart. You may not be my wife, but we can still be together. I don't want to lose you. I will find a way to make it work." Alistair replied reaching for her chin to make her look at him.

"Anora doesn't deserve that and that will prevent you from finding any happiness in your marriage, Your Majesty." Elissa said with a curtsy and Alistair let out a sigh.

"As you wish... Commander." Alistair replied solemnly, before walking away.

Anders hurried away, afraid that he would be discovered. He was pretty sure she would cut him in half, if she knew he had heard the conversation between her and the King. Anders knew they had travelled together of course, but this was a part of the tale he had never heard. Not that he should be surprised really. He had only met her the day before and he was already planning on finding his way into her bed. They seemed to have been in love, though. A foolish thing to do under the circumstances, in his opinion. Falling in love was a luxury neither mages nor wardens could afford. He would teach her to take pleasure in the moment.

-OOO- Elissa -OOO-

Her first two weeks as commander had been trying. First the invasion of the keep, then Alistair and then on top of it all a Howe had tried to kill her. She remembered Nathaniel from when they were younger. He and his brother Thomas would train with Fergus on occasion. Seeing him in that cell, the bitterness towards her and her family, she almost lost herself in anger. All she could see was the dead bodies of her sister-in-law and nephew, soon followed by her fathers and mothers. Still she had recognized the pain in his eyes and reminded herself that Nathaniel was not his father. She had instead conscripted him, hoping that he would survive the joining and still remain at the house that once rightfully belonged to him. Showing him the mercy that his father was unable to show her family. Proving to herself that she was neither Loghain or Howe. Normally Alistair would have been there for her, telling her all the things she needed so desperately to hear, but she was alone. It had been tense at first, between her and Nathaniel, but after she found his grandfather's bow and they were able to track down his sister in Amaranthine, things between them had improved. Perhaps one day she might even call him friend.

They were sitting in the dining room. Oghren, Anders and Nathaniel were talking, while Elissa was looking over the belongings of the lost warden named Kristoff. She was only listening to a word once in awhile, getting pieces of a conversation that made little sense.

"It is lucky that my sister has a son, since after the joining the chances of me providing an heir are so small. You must be happy that you have a son, Oghren." Nathaniel began clearly satisfied after meeting his sister in Amaranthine.

"Yeah... But by the stone children can be a handful. Belches, throwing up, not to mention what comes out the other end." Ohgren grunted.

"Takes after his father then." Anders remarked with a grin.

Elissa lost herself in a memory.

_She was standing in front of the fire in her room at Arl Eamons Estate, listening intently to what Morrigan was explaining to her._

"Why are you telling me all this, Morrigan? Do you want me to make Alistair sleep with you?" Elissa asked looking at her friend carefully.

"I am telling you because you are my friend... my sister. As for Alistair, that is already done with." Morrigan replied.

"What?" Elissa asked confused.

"You are noble and foolish. You would always put others above yourself and you would never risk something like this. Even though you might trust me. I couldn't risk my endeavour and I didn't want you to die... I never understood that compassion or nobility of yours, but you are haunted by it. You are the only person I care for and I did not wish to see you hurt." Morrigan explained casually, but her heartfelt concern was evident to Elissa.

"How did you convince him?" Elissa asked.

"He loves you and he is a fool. Convincing him was not hard." She replied simply.  
Elissa walked over to her and embraced her. Morrigan shifted a little uncomfortably, but returned the embrace.

"Thank you." She said in a low voice.

"You are welcome." Morrigan smiled.

"I was thinking. This ritual... can I use it if I want a child some day?" Elissa asked softly.

"I'll give you the part for the conception, the rest I will not give you... I will never understand you, but please remember that survival has more meaning than your noble intensions." Morrigan said seriously.

That night Morrigan had removed a burden from Elissa's shoulders out of friendship and sisterly love. Morrigan had been the only person to spare her from one of the many "what if" that haunted her.

"Commander?" She heard Nathaniel's voice call.

"What?" She asked looking up at them.

"You were deep in thought. So who was the man inspiring such distraction?" Anders inquired with a smirk.

"Actually, it was a woman." She replied coldly, but grinned when Nathaniel chocked on his drink.

"Oh, that is intriguing, Commander. Care to share the details?" Anders grinned, his eyes smouldering.

"I am sure that your imagination can come up with something, far more interesting than the truth." She smiled knowingly, raising an eyebrow.

"She is unfortunately right. Imagination is better. Even turned down that pirate." Oghren sighed.

"I don't remember ever letting you into my bedroom, Oghren." Elissa chuckled.

"You didn't have to. Could hear that Alistair of yours grunting and panting in your tent from across the camp." Oghren snickered.

"Yes... well I assure you that won't happen again." Elissa replied wistfully.

She got up and walked out the room, her heart beating painfully as the memory of losing her family and Alistair was brought to live. She loved Oghren in her own way, but he was not always the most sensitive of souls. Probably because he had enough troubles of his own and was drinking to keep them at bay. She leaned against the window cell looking down at the courtyard. It was not unfamiliar to her, being Arlessa. Her father had taught her well. Fighting, diplomacy, honour and she had become quite the scholar before leaving Highever. What he didn't teach her was how to heal mental wounds, which to this day still bled as the day they were made. How to live with the decisions she had to make along the way. She was pulled from her thoughts as she felt as presence beside her. Anders smiled softly down at her and she returned it, before looking down at the courtyard again. He was a good person, a surprising person. His facade was as foolish and carefree as Zevran's, but beneath it was a different man completely. If Anders realised this or not was uncertain, but even after only two weeks she saw something hidden beneath the surface; A heart overflowing with kindness. Her thoughts were disrupted again as Anders took an almost dramatic breath. This alone made her smile.

"Do you smell that? That is the smell of freedom! It comes complete with the smell of dogs and dust, but the freedom is in there too." He sighed almost happily.

"I think that's just someone baking a pie." She replied closing her eyes and taking in the faint aroma.

"The fact that there are pies around to smell is a step up for me. I have had a pie-less existence... more or less. I escaped from the tower seven times. After the last time they put me in solitary confinement for a year. Eventually they would probably have branded me a malificar, true or not, and executed me." He replied grimly.

"I'm sorry. I wish I could have helped." She replied softly and he gave her a vague smile.

"You're sweet... The problem is that mages are tolerated, barely. It's like you need permission to be alive! There is nothing a mage can do to prove himself. Everyone has to be protected from you! The end!" He said a little heatedly.

"There has to be a better way." She sighed, knowing now the hardships of both elves and mages.

"I bet the Tevinter Imperium has a better way, but we all know how that argument flies around here. All I want is a pretty girl, a decent meal and the right to shoot lightning at fools." He replied a little of his cheerfulness returning.

"Aaaaw, and here I thought there was a pretty girl standing next to you." She fake pouted, her eyes glistening mischievously. Anders laughed.

"Maybe I am closer to the dream than I imagined. Never mind me. Once again I am just reminded that I am not sitting in a templar cell and I have to smile." He smiled and leaned his elbows at the window cell next her.

"He is not worth it you know." He said softly after a few moments.

"Who?" She asked confused.

"The one you are pining for. Romantic love is not worth it." He clarified and she shook her head.

"Wynne said that too... You know that's a foolish notion. If it hadn't been for that love I would never have been strong enough to face what I did. Even though it might be lost, I still draw strength from those memories... But I shouldn't lecture you. In the circle you are taught different ways of surviving and it seems to have served you well this far. Just... let me keep my romantic notions, they are all I have." She smiled sadly and he nodded with understanding.

"You are not what I expected, when I heard tales of the mighty Hero of Ferelden." He said with a smile.

"I know, I have fewer teeth and they aren't pointy. A disappointment, I know." She sighed with dramatics.

"Ha! Not what I meant, but speaking of which, I am grateful for that. I just hadn't expected you to be... I don't know... sweet?" He smiled with a shrug.

"That's just to lure you into a false sense of security and then suddenly I will turn on you and be the dirtiest rogue you have ever met." She narrowed her eyes only barely hiding her grin.

"Oh, I must say I am looking forward to seeing that." He said suggestively leaning against her, his breath caressing her ear.

"Let me demonstrate." She said seductively.

Before Anders realised what was happening, her boot tripped him and he fell over backwards, though she let his arm slide through his hand making sure he wasn't hurt. Lying on his back she stood over him with a grin and the light in her eyes almost jumping.

"I play dirty, my friend." She chuckled and walked off.

-OOO- Anders -OOO-

Anders chuckled as she walked away. She was skilled for sure and was no doubt able to use seduction to achieve an end. But he had been right. She was sweet. Even as she was teaching him a lesson and teasing him, she was careful and even a little protective. As he sat up he couldn't help but find her a little naive. But he guessed everyone had their own way of surviving the tragedies of their past. He hid behind his veil of humour and played games to keep his mind occupied. She lingered in memories, which to him, seemed to be haunting her rather than giving her consolation.

"Ha! She got you Sparklefingers!" He heard the scruffy dwarf chuckle coming towards him.

Oghren gave him a hand and helped him to stand.

"She caught me off guard. Next time I'll be ready." Anders replied with confidence.

"Not if you keep focusing on her breasts rather than her movements." Oghren stated with a grin.

"I'm always observing her movements." Anders replied with a grin.

"Yeah, the movements of her breasts!" Oghren countered.

"Wardens, I we are leaving for the Black Marsh in half an hour!" Elissa called from the other end of the hallway, apparently oblivious to their conversation.


	4. Chapter 4 Fade

**Fade**

Elissa woke up and looked around. In the distance she saw the talking Darkspawn called 'The first' running away. She was still in the Black Marsh, but this time it seemed distorted somehow.

"Not again!" She exclaimed lying back down and covering her face with her hands.

"What is this? What is going on?" Oghren exclaimed almost panicky.

"I hate the fade!" Anders groaned.

"Says the mage. Comforting." Nathaniel replied sarcastically.

"Assuming that I like the fade just because I'm a mage is a little racist don't you think?" Anders chuckled.

"Everything seems racist to you." Nathaniel replied drily.

"This is not right! I should not be here!" Oghren said almost terrified.

Hearing the nervousness in his voice, Elissa quickly got up and walked over to Oghren. She knew how he felt about the fade. Dwarves didn't come here in waking or sleeping state.

"And the brave Oghren lost his nerve!" Anders chuckled.

Elissa gave Anders an icy glare that almost sewed his mouth shut. Alistair had once told her that with that look in her eyes, she was more terrifying than the Arch Demon. Since she had killed it there might even be some truth to that statement. She held her hands on Oghren's shoulders and looked down into his eyes.

"It's going to be alright Oghren, we always get out of scrapes like this. We'll just find something to kill and you'll feel better." She said with a kind smile.

"Yes... sure... of course warden... sorry about that." Oghren grumbled.

"It's alright, this place gives me the creeps too. Tell you what, when we go back to the keep we can drink Anders under the table and dress him in one of my dresses, when he has passed out." Elissa chuckled and Oghren laughed.

"Hey! I am only touching your dress, if I am helping you out of it." Anders retorted with a charming smirk.

"Be quiet you man-skirt wearing freak." Oghren grunted, as Elissa began walking through the fade.

"Wouldn't it be lady-skirt wearing freak after that?" Nathaniel replied.

"Whose side are you on?" Anders whined.

"Anyone but yours." Nathaniel smirked, following the commander.

"You know, you are this close from making me miss the circle." Anders gestured an inch with his finger as he walked after them.

"Perhaps the Commander is regretting not giving you to the templars?" Nathaniel replied drily.

"No, that I will never regret." Elissa smiled kindly at Anders and he returned it instantly.

"Darkspawn!" Nathaniel hissed and drew his bow.

The rest of them drew their weapons, as large cockroach looking darkspawn came towards them. Oghren charged into them and slammed his hammer down, knocking several on their back. Elissa jumped into the fray and twirled with her sword and dagger drawn, decapitating three of them. Had she not been focused, she would have noticed Anders' eyes locked on her as she did this. She ran towards another one and used the momentum to let her boots slide in the muddied ground, slicing two of them as she was holding her weapons out and gliding between them. She felt heat behind her and turned to see Anders burn one right behind her to a crisp. She looked at him briefly, as he had a satisfied smirk on his face and she just smiled sweetly as thanks. She turned again and saw that Oghren and Nathaniel had done short work of the rest of them. Anders walked over and looked down at them.

"Why would we suddenly be seeing new types of darkspawn? This isn't even a blight." Anders wondered.

"I have no idea, but I bet 'the first' or 'mother' knows... wait, you actually studied the darkspawn?" Elissa said unable to hide her astonishment.

"Of course. What kind of a barbarian do you take me for?" He asked with a grin.

"I just expected reading was a bit dull for you." She gave a crocked smile.

"My lady, I have lived in the circle. There is little else but books to entertain you." He explained.

"And here I thought only women interested you." She smiled with a blush, as his eyes began to smoulder.

"They are butt-ugly! I say we just kill them and ponder where they came from later." Oghren groaned.

"Eloquently put." Nathaniel remarked sarcastically.

"For the moment I agree with Oghren. Let's go gentlemen." Elissa suggested and led the way.

They walked around the apparition of the Black Marsh Castle and from within the walls they could here noises. Unfortunately they could not find a direct way in and was forced through a dark cellar, filled with skeletons and a demon.

* * *

**Anders**

Anders didn't like the fade. As a mage he could of course navigate it more easily and even influence it to an extent, but it made him feel trapped and confined. Knowing that he could not easily escape it made him disquiet. It of course also had something to do with the fact that you were forced into the fade during your harrowing. Trapped inside it to see if you could resist and defeat a demon on your own. If not, templars stood ready, no doubt eager to cut you down if you failed. Right now however, he was focused on something else. Namely his pretty commander. He was enjoying this game of his, but it was slowly beginning to dominate him. It seemed that every time he had gotten some progress, she turned on him. One moment she was teasing and the next she was uncommonly sweet and kind. Not to mention that fury hidden beneath that skin of hers. As harmless as she seemed on the surface, just as deadly was she on the bottom. And she shifted between them so effortlessly. One moment she had given him a glare that would rival that of a revered mother and the next moment she was kind and soft. Truly a wolf in sheep's clothing and it was fascinating to him, never knowing when he was dealing with the wolf or with the sheep. He must admit that Nathaniel's comment had worried him a bit at first, but her smile and the instant denial, that she regretted recruiting him, was a great comfort. He wished he could say it was because of his charms, that he was finally getting the upper hand in his game, but it wasn't. She had been just as kind to Oghren only moments before. What did give him a sense of achievement was the blush forming on her cheeks as she was teasing him. Perhaps he could win this game after all. It would be something to take his physical pleasures with her. Not that there wasn't enough women at the keep to do that with, but she was a challenge and Anders lived for challenges. He walked up next to her as they walked around the distorted apparition of the castle.

"It's a picturesque little place, isn't it? Aside from being ruined and haunted." He noted carelessly.

"I can see Varel about giving you the deed to it if you would like." Elissa teased.

"A mage hiding in a creepy castle in the middle of nowhere? That would be original." Nathaniel replied sarcastically.

"Didn't Morrigan's mother live in a place like this?" Oghren asked.

"It was a hut in the wilds. Close but not quite the same." Elissa replied.

"Who is Morrigan?" Anders asked.

"A witch that the Commander used to be friends with." Oghren replied indifferently.

"She was an apostate?" Anders said almost with excitement and Elissa gave a small smile.

"She is an apostate and she is still my friend. My best friend and sister. She helped us defeat the blight, but she had some business of her own after that." Elissa replied a little sadly.

Anders could hardly believe what he was hearing. She had thought her willingness to help him a little unexpected, but he had never pondered over why. But now it made sense. Whoever this Morrigan was, it was clear that Elissa cared for her and missed her a great deal. One of the most prominent nobles in the country made friends with an apostate. She really was something else.

"Yeah, I never got that. I must agree with Alistair. She could be a sodding bitch." Oghren grunted.

"Only to those she did not like. She could be... extreme in some of her opinions, but she never said things just to please me. It was refreshing after years spent with nobles, trying to win the good graces of you and your family with flattery... and deception." Elissa replied, the last part with a very sad expression, shortly looking at Nathaniel and then walking ahead.

That was another thing Anders didn't understand about her. He didn't know the details, but Nathaniel's father had betrayed her family and it had resulted in her parent's death. Nathaniel had then robbed the keep and threatened to kill her and what had she done? She recruited him. Anders decided to have his curiosity sated and walked up next to her.

"If I may, Commander. If you are so uncomfortable around Nathaniel, why did you recruit him?"

"Several reasons. He is not his father and I understand where his desire for revenge came from. I killed my parent's murderers after all. He had done me no wrongs, besides stealing things that already belonged to him. It took several wardens to bring him into custody and wardens take recruits where they can find them. Murderers, thieves..."

"Apostates." Anders added with a smirk and she smiled softly.

"Then he said that he was going to try and kill me. That didn't leave me with a lot of options. If I killed him I would be no better than those who murdered my family. If I let him go I could have put you and Oghren in danger. This way I could keep an eye on him and still keep my conscience clear. If I am allow to call it that." She huffed with disgust at herself.

"Are you always this merciful?" Anders asked with a little admiration in his voice.

"If I where, I would not have killed Howe." She said simply and even with some regret.

Anders felt a sudden ache in his heart for her. He had always been a compassionate person and she seemed to be hurting, even as she was trying to hide it. No, he had to be careful. He would either comfort her emotionally or continue to seek a way into her bed. To conquer the Hero and her pedestal. He could never do both. All mages in the circle knew this. As they came up behind the castle an entrance to a crypt showed itself, giving Anders an uncomfortable feeling.

"Hold me." He said half joking and Elissa bit her lip, trying to suppress a laugh.

"Who is the brave one now, sparkle-fingers?" Oghren grunted with satisfaction.

Anders just groaned as they made their way through the catacombs. Undead and demons resided there and they fought them with surprising ease. Anders had fought before of course, but a group of wardens could certainly achieve things with an ease that was unexpected. Especially Elissa's skills were impressive. She made slaying darkspawn seem so easy. He would never forget the first time he had seen her take down an ogre single handed. Seven times larger than her and Anders almost felt sorry for the creature that didn't stand a change. They finally exited the catacombs and in the middle of the town square was an angry mob of people. They stopped and looked around.

"Seems the village isn't abandoned after all." Anders noted looking around.

"Are there supposed to be so many in one place? I always thought the fade would be more deserted." Nathaniel replied.

"We go into the fade when we die. Eventually it is going to get crowded." Anders shrugged.

"Yeah. I have sent quite a bunch into it myself. Thankfully dwarves return to the stone instead of this ghostly, unnatural place." Oghren groaned.

"What is that? I have never seen a being like it... It isn't a demon, is it?" Elissa asked looking at the spirit in full amour standing in front of the crowd.

"No, that is a fade spirit." Anders replied.

"Like faith?" Elissa asked looking at him and he was a little surprised by her fascination.

"Yes, but this one seems more strict, though. Might be valour." He replied, observing her carefully as her eyes turned back to the spirit.

"It's beautiful." She said softly.

Anders felt a small discomforting surge in his stomach. Her fascination was interesting, but it could also be dangerous. Had this been a real person he might even have been a little jealous. He had tried to make her notice him for weeks now, but he had never achieved the admiration the spirit, they had not even talked to, was already getting from her. Elissa walked through the crowd and towards the spirit.

"And who comes now? More minions of the baroness? Or yet more helpless souls she has tormented." The spirit said the last part with true compassion in his voice.

"I am Elissa Cousland of the Grey Wardens. A pleasure to meet you." Elissa greeted politely.

Anders observed her as the spirit informed them of his intensions to seek justice for a people, who have been trapped inside the fade by a demon. He studied her as admiration faintly formed on the delicate features of her face. The more the spirit talked the more she seemed to be swayed by his words. Had Anders not known better, he would have thought this spirit a demon. Each of his words of honour, justice and compassion reflected on her face and words. Her compassion overwhelming for the people around them and the spirit brought forth a sense of valour that, though always present in her nature, never shined as much as it did at that moment. Had Anders had an emotional attachment to her, he might even have figured himself jealous. Of course being a mage and having a wide experience of amours adventures, he would never admit to having such feelings. Mages should not love, he had learned that young and it was not a principle he was going to abandon.

"Tell me stranger, will you help us in this righteous task? Being a Grey warden seems to make you an able sort, and thus your aid would be most welcome." The spirit asked.

"Of course I will help." Elissa said sweetly to the spirit.

"Then we have the numbers to challenge the Baroness directly." The spirit replied almost cheerfully.

"A direct challenge, huh? I like the sound of that. Less talk more killing!" Oghren said with enthusiasm.

A flare of something unfamiliar spawned somewhere in Anders' gut. Helping the spirit? Under normal circumstances this would not have upset him much, but did it have to be **that **spirit? The spirit had even admitted he had no idea how to get them out of the fade. They could be stuck here forever.

"They just said she was and evil powerful witch! Do we really want to antagonize her?" Anders objected.

"Look at these people, Anders. You don't want them to suffer, do you?" Elissa replied studying him with a softness that never left her expression.

"And what of our suffering? We could be trapped here." He replied a little nervously, his claustrophobia and fear of imprisonment making his voice more shaky than intended.

Elissa's eyes softened and the understanding shown in those eyes made it feel as if something inside him was crumbling. Even as he had no idea what exactly it was, she was manipulating inside him.

"If we slay her, we can use whatever magic she has to bring us back. You are very skilled and I do not doubt you can do it." She smiled kindly.

How was it that she could make everything better with a simple smile? How her words could be soothing, uplifting and encouraging, while directing you to do something she had decided? Had she been queen, the king would have been like clay in her hands. It would probably have been better for the kingdom as well.

"There's a thought... Alright, you've convinced me." He smiled, as he felt warmth spreading through him.

Maker, if she had that effect on everyone, her gifts of persuasion would have known no bounds. They stormed the castle and as promised to the spirit aided him in defeating her. Or so they thought. In the last moment the baroness took the darkspawn, known as 'The First' and used him as a blood sacrifice. She sundered the veil and Anders felt his mind fading.

When he opened his eyes he felt rain on his face and his robes where soaked. He turned to see his comrades slowly awaken. Elissa sat up and looked at him with a soft smile and a knowing sparkle in her eye. A subtle 'I told you so', expressed in a comforting manner more than a gloating one. He swallowed as he saw her lips reddened and damp from the rain and how stray brown locks of hair was clinging to her face as the water dripped from them. Everything about her seemed so soft, pure and innocent it was easy to forget that only moments ago she was slaying darkspawn like a furious barbarian. He forced his eyes away from her a little regretfully, but he had no intension of making her believe this was more than it was. He wanted her, sure, but he had no desire to break her heart. He just wanted some harmless fun and right now he did not know if it was the game or the prize he desired the most. He nearly jumped as the dead body of the warden named Kristoff moved. They all got to their feet and grabbed their weapons. The body looked around with confusion and almost despair. He had never seen an undead act like this.

"What? Where am I? What is happening?" Kristoff's body said with despair in his voice.  
He turned to look at them and his eyes met Elissa's almost instantly.

"No! This is the world of mortals, beyond the veil... and this is a mortal body of flesh! I am trapped within!" He continued in a voice that was almost heartbroken.

"You are the spirit of Justice... Oh, I am so sorry..." Elissa said with heartfelt compassion walking towards him.

Anders hardly believed it. A walking, talking corpse with an unknown entity trapped within and she was not hesitant about it in the least. Anders could not decide whether she was incredibly brave or ignorant. He was unaware if he pitied or admired her.

"Can you leave the body? Then you might be able to get back?" She questioned, obviously eager to help him.

"I... No, that will not return me to the fade I think. I... do not know." He said sadly.

"The witch sundered the veil in her haste! All of us were drawn through!" The spirit said with angry desperation.

Elissa stepped forward and placed her hand on his shoulder. The spirit looked confused at her as she did this, but said nothing.

"Don't despair. We will find this baroness and end it. I promise. I will help you find a way back to the fade." She promised in a soft voice, which was now all too familiar to Anders.

"I... Thank you mortal. That is most kind of you." The spirit replied, calming quickly.

They walked towards the castle in the hopes of finding the baroness. The confused spirit followed them and Anders had to admit he felt sorry for him. Elissa managed to smile at Anders as he walked up next to her. There was so much sadness hidden in her eyes and still she managed to smile so often. And not as pretence, but heartfelt and sincere smiles, that made you believe everything would work itself out.

"I am surprised you didn't simply tame the Arch demon. You seem to do that to everyone else." Anders smirked and Elissa chuckled.

"It requires reasoning and that the Arch Demon didn't have much of. I have a mabari though, called Animus." She smiled.

"Animus? That's tevinter for feeling, intellect and courage." Anders said surprised.

"Yes. I was taught a great many things as a child. The language of Tevinter among them. I loved studying history." She explained.

"A fighter and a scholar... impressive."

"I guess I am not the average noble." She shrugged.

"My lady, you are not the average of anything." He said suggestively.

She turned her gaze from him, as she blushed fiercely. Inside Anders was cheering as a smirk formed on his lips. The game was still on. When they arrived at the castle, they met the Baroness, who in reality was a pride demon. A fierce battle began and she began tearing the veil, which Elissa closed quickly. After defeating her and an apparition of a dragon, they finally made their way back to the vigil, Anders walking behind them observing as Elissa talked to the lost spirit of Justice, restoring what little hope she could. The Hero of Ferelden, was truly a bringer of hope. Of all the exaggerations made about her, at least this part was true.


	5. Chapter 5 Reminder

**Reminder**

Hawke spat out his ale and Anders laughed as he stopped telling the story. Varric chuckled as he patted Hawke on his back and Elissa looked amused. She got up and put Eleanor on Varric's bed, as she was asleep. When Hawke finally stopped coughing he looked at Anders.

"So let me get this straight. Abstinent, brooding Anders, was once a careless mage who could charm the knickers of a revered mother?" Hawke asked with disbelief.

"Well, I never tried." Anders replied with a chuckle.

"Oh, you wouldn't believe the flirt he was." Elissa said somewhat seriously walking back to the table.

"It was only to make you jealous my love." Anders chuckled taking her hand and kissing it.

"Oh, you're so full of it." She said with disbelief.

"Well, obviously it worked." Varric stated.

"Not even close. It was infuriating." Anders shook his head and Elissa kissed his stubbled cheek.

"Okay, so not only were you a flirt, but then you got jealous of Justice. A corpse and a spirit, who is currently stuck in your head?" Hawke continued, not believing the words coming out of his mouth.

"What you have heard so far was only a shadow of jealousy." Anders sighed.

"Anders... I had no idea..." Elissa breathed looking at him.  
He smiled at her and stroked her face.

"You were so considerate to everyone around you and you admired Justice. You are the person I have met I believed could fall in love with a corpse." He said softly.  
Her expression turned into one that was endearing and she gave him a kiss.

"I still don't get it. A corpse? Really? And how did you end up merging with him?" Hawke asked, still doubting the sanity of this conversation.

"One thing at a time. A another few weeks pasted..." Anders continued.

* * *

**Justice**

This world was so... diverse. It was unlike anything Justice had ever experienced. It was still and vibrant at the same time. Permanent and still slowly changing, not like the erratic changes in the fade. He had all but panicked when he first discovered he was trapped in the world of mortals, but the memories of Kristoff and the people he had met made it seem more as a gift than a curse. And then there was Aura. She had met him soon after he first arrived at the keep. The widow of the man whose body he now inhabited. He had been so distort, when she had look at him with anger, fear and pain. But the mortal... the commander... this Elissa Cousland was at his side offering comfort and support. Something that was hidden in Kristoff's memories, but that Justice himself had never experienced. She had not even hesitated, when Justice wished to seek out the widow. Just as she had not hesitated in the fade or after, when she had offered him a place in the wardens ranks. Such kindness and consideration was rare even among the spirits. Spirits considered mortals beyond their help, but that was not true. She had proven herself as a leader and a friend. Walking through the forest he walked behind them. He watched his companions closely, trying to understand them. The conversations between them were... curious. Especially the dwarf seemed to make little sense to him. Currently the commander was walking in front talking to the dwarf, while the thief looked like they were going to be attacked any moment. He kept looking around and his hand was never far from his bow. The mage's behaviour was even more confusing. Whenever he thought no one noticed, he would stare at the commander. Mainly her hindquarters, which confused Justice even more. Surely the beauty in her eyes would be what was worthy of such attention. And yet he remembered Kristoff doing the same thing, even as the reason remained covered in obscurity. Elissa let herself fall behind and walked along side Justice instead. Justice looked up.

"The sky... it's so unchangeable." He commented.

"Is it? I always thought it changed so rapidly, but I guess the fade changes more quickly." She replied.

"You do not like the fade?" He asked.

"Not as such, but keep in mind that both times I was there it was involuntary." She smiled softly.

"Well, I for one hate the fade." The mage replied.

"You don't like many things do you? Well, except for pie and women that is." Elissa chuckled.

"And cats and a soft bed and..." The mage began to summon up.

"Alright, alright. I digress." She giggled, which made a bright smile form on the mages lips.

"Look." She then said and pointed towards the sky.

"Yes, it is beautiful. Is there anything in particular I should be looking for?" Justice asked.

"Oh, the dog!" The mage exclaimed.

Elissa took Justice's hand and pointed towards one of the clouds. It was strange that she did not avoid him, seeing as most found his being disturbing. The mage had been able to preserve the body, for a time, but it was still unsettling for most. His eyes followed his hand and he looked towards the sky. His eyes closed in on a cloud and suddenly he could see the crude shape of a dog.

"Remarkable." He breathed and Elissa smiled.

"See if you can find one, Justice." She encouraged.

**She**was remarkable. The world was so full of beauty which went overlooked, except from her. She saw the beauty even in those she had every reason to loathe. There was so much hatred in the world, but none in her. The mage was content to overlook beauty, only seeking distractions and complaining mostly. He was so full of apathy, anger and fear. He no longer saw that around him, which he had been cut off from so long. He did not see the beauty around him, not like she did. Justice felt amends gratitude towards her, as she shared those moments with him. Pointing out beauty and let it fill her with an emotion that made her smile. The only beauty that escaped her notice was her own and oddly enough this was the only one the mage seemed to apprehend.

After some time, the sun began to set and Elissa suggested they should make camp. After camp was made they sat around the fire. He felt a slight sadness that his body was dead. He could not smell the aromas coming from the meal cooking or truly feel the soothing warmth of the fire. He looked at his companions and saw that the dwarf was already drinking again.

"I think I stepped in mud!" The thief groaned.

"The forest is filled with animals, isn't it? Dirty, filthy beasts." The mage hissed.

Elissa started laughing, much to the surprise of all her companions.

"What is so funny?" The mage asked.

"You two sound like some delicate noble woman with your complaining. And since I am one that should give you an idea about how bad that is." She continued to laugh.

"Uh, I wear a skirt! I am far too delicate!" The dwarf said mockingly while looking at the mage with a grin.

"Hey that was uncalled for!" The mage whined.

"What happened to the girl, who had her armour polished every night?" The thief asked, trying to suppress the offense he had taken.

"She spent a year travelling back and forth through Ferelden, with both assassins and dark spawn on her trail. Compared to that, this is the most expensive inn in Denerim." She replied.

She walked over to the thief.

"Give me your boots, Nathaniel." She smiled sweetly.

A little surprised the thief did as she asked. She then walked over to the mage.

"Would you be so kind as to cast a frost shock on the boots, my dear healer?" She asked sweetly.

Justice observed the mage as a smile formed on his face. Most times it seemed to hide something beneath, like it was a mask. But the words from her lips and the kind manner in which she made her request, made a genuine smile form on his face. She brought out the best in all of them. The dwarf had once admitted that she had saved him from himself. Was that was she was trying to do for the mage? Or for him? The mage did as she requested and she stepped out of camp slamming the boots together making the mud shatter.  
"Here you go. Mud free boots." She smiled kindly and cast them in the direction of the thief.

"Thank you. Nice trick." He said with a smile looking at his boots.

"Something Morrigan showed me." She explained sitting back down.

"Can you do something about the animals?" The mage teased.

"I am sure I can find a piece of soap somewhere and you can go out and bathed them all." She teased back with a sparkle in her eyes.

After their meal the men retreated to their tents. Justice did not need sleep and offered to keep watch for the night. Elissa however lingered for a while.

"Do you mind if I stay up with you for a while?" She asked after a few minutes of silence.

"No. Your company is always welcome." He replied honestly.  
She smiled softly, but she didn't seem as cheerful as she did earlier.

"If I may, you seem troubled." He offered meekly.

"I... yes, I suppose I am. I never told you about how I became a warden did I?" She replied.

"No, I assumed you chose this." He replied a little surprised.

"No... I didn't want to become a warden. My father was one of the most prestige's nobles in the country. He taught me how to rule and watch of the tyern called Highever. I always wanted to help the community and make it thrive. My father did that already of course and my brother was his successor. Even so that was what I wanted, to make a difference." She explained.

"But isn't that what you do now?" He asked a little confused.

"It is, but at the same time it is not. I always used my fighting skills as a last resolve, now it often seems like the only one." She sighed with regret.

"I understand... Then why did you become a Grey Warden?" He asked softly, observing her closely.

Her legs pressed up against her chest, her arms resting on her knees, her chin on her arms and her eyes looked into the fire.

"My family was attacked one night by a trusted ally. He killed my entire family, except from my brother and I. My brother was spared because he was away and I was saved by the former Warden Commander, named Duncan. Even my nephew was killed. He was such a sweet little boy. The price for my rescue was that I agreed to join the order." She explained and tears started flowing from her eyes.

Justice felt remorse and pain for this woman, who at that moment seemed more real than anything else in this world. There was true suffering in her past and yet she had overcome it. Be it still a painful memory. Perhaps that was why she understood other's suffering so well. Uncertain about how to react a distant memory of Kristoff's entered his mind. Justice reached into his satchel and picked up a bit up cloth and handed it to her. She smiled as thanks as she took it.

"Were the ones responsible brought to justice?" He asked.

"They were... by my own hand unfortunately." She sighed drying her eyes.

"Why unfortunately? It seemed rather appropriate that he died by your hand." He looked at her with wonderment.

"He should have been trialled, not executed by my own need for vengeance. No matter how just it might have been, it was not just not giving him the opportunity to defend himself to his family and the public. Other's suffered from my action of justice, which led to other injustices. It spreads like rings in the water and I am now to see the rings I have created, without the power to stop them." She sighed heavily.

Justice could feel her grief, as he could Aura's. Unconsciously he placed his hand on her back.

"You have always acted nobly and righteously. No more should you grieve." He said hoping that he would comfort her.

"You remind me so much of my father." She smiled softly.

"Do I?" He replied unable to hide his surprise.

"Yes... My family has always ruled with justice and temperance. My father always valued both highly and everything he did was with a firm, but kind hand. Having you around makes me miss him less." She turned her gaze towards him and he understood the comfort his presence gave her.

"He sounds like a good man. I am honoured by the comparison." He smiled.

"Goodnight Justice." She replied and stood up walking towards her tent.

* * *

**Anders**

Anders didn't know why he insisted on pursuing games that got him into complicated situations. Normally he wished to avoid complications, but lately he had no such luck. Eavesdropping had always been one of his favourite games in the tower, outside however he found it opened glimpses through doors that probably should have remained close. His curiosity had this time led him to hear the entire conversation between Elissa and Justice. It now made sense why she admired the spirit so much. He was like a father figure to her, that she had lost under tragic circumstances. Anders had no comparison to those feelings. He only had fond memories of his mother, but he did know what it was like to desire it. Wonder what it would have been like to have a father's love and guidance. He envied her that she had once had it, but not the way she had lost it. Justice didn't know that Nathaniel was the son of the man who had murdered her family, but Anders did. The only reason he knew was because Nathaniel himself had told him. Elissa had not said one word against Nathaniel or rubbed her own grief in his face. Once again he found that she confused him. Was it weak that she did not confront people? Or was it great strength that made it unnecessary for her to do it?

When he awoke the next morning he heard low cursing from outside. As he slept in his robes he stood outside his tent and saw Elissa standing with his back towards him. There was no sign of Justice. Elissa turned around desperately trying to grab one of the straps of her tunic. It ended with her twirling around herself grumbling some foul language she had undoubtedly picked up from Oghren. He chuckled under his breath and walked towards her.

"Let me help you with that." He smiled.

"Would you? Thanks. It's driving me insane." She sighed almost with relief.

He stood behind her and his eyes roamed over her curves. The tunic strapped to her body made every curve visible. The fabric was so soft and almost sensuous to the touch. It was a shame it was to be hidden be a layer of armour. He closed the straps regretfully, as it closed of the small amount of skin he could see. His fingers ached to touch it, but this game was a difficult one. One wrong move and he would have lost. And in the name of the Maker and everything else that was holy, he did not wish to lose. It was not made easier that he could smell her vanilla scent, which made him want to step even closer.

"Would you mind helping me with the armour as well? I hope your robes are easier, because the idiot who designed mine did apparently not consider this to be a one man operation." She grumbled.

Anders looked down at himself. She had acquired warden issue armour for all of them. Anders' was a pair of black pants, a black blouse and on top of it was a robe that looked more like a tunic with long sleeves and had a high neck. It was blue and silver and had a pair of brown leather gloves and boots. He had hoped it would take Oghren off the skirt-jokes, but no such luck.

"It is easier than yours, but alas not as easy as my tevinter robes. And it has no feathers." He sighed before pouting which made Elissa chuckle.  
She pulled her armour over her head and had him close the straps, on the lightweight metal on the rogue armour.

"How did you managed to get dressed during the blight, without me expertise at hand?" He smirked.

"My armour was less complicated and Alistair helped me with it. He fumbled so much the first few times, getting all nervous and he would blush for ten full minutes after. He was so awkward and cute." She smiled stuck in a memory.

Anders felt his heart tighten and a desire to make her smile like that, with dreamy eyes and a faint blush, filled his being. Worst of all, what she was remembering so fondly was something that Anders himself wasn't. He wasn't shy or hesitant like the man she described. He was his opposite in this area. Bold and confident.

"Weren't you two...?" The question slipped his tongue, before he could even curse himself for it.

"Not at first. Morrigan could have helped me of course, but she was not the type you just asked a favour out of the blue. And certainly not one who needed to be repeated." She chuckled.

He was somewhat relieved that the subject had changed from her former lover. Perhaps, he was just kidding himself. She hadn't just fallen for a man, she had fallen for a king and a templar. Things that he, until that moment, had seen as a delightful challenge, but now it seemed... different.

"The first weeks with those two were funny to watch from the sidelines. They just didn't like each other." She chuckled lightly.

"The templar and apostate didn't get along? Go figure." Anders remarked sarcastically, closing the straps on her back.

"It had nothing to do with that. Alistair is very sweet and noble, whereas Morrigan was emotionally distant and only used time on things that would benefit her. It wasn't their abilities that clashed, but their morals." She explained.

"She doesn't seem very pleasant." He noted.

"She wasn't to most people. She was an opportunist who lived for survival and she didn't pretend that she did anything else. She was direct and I could always trust that what she said was what she meant. And she respected that I did the same, even as we did not always agree. It mellowed her some towards me and we did truly become friends." She said fondly.

"You miss them." He stated with a hint of regret, as he pulled away and she turned around.

"Yes, but now I have you." She replied with a bright smile.

"You do?" He asked, as he tried hard not to swallow.

She was so close, but nothing about her was suggestive or flirting. She was simply there and that was enough for him wanting to taste, if those deep pink lips of hers were as soft as they looked. There was something running through his veins, which sent surges directly to his heart by her mere closeness.

"Yes, you have Alistair's talent for humour and hide behind it constantly. But underneath you are hiding something like she did. Something... mysterious and uncontrolled." She said looking into his eyes, as if she was trying to grasp something hidden in his soul.

His pulse quickened as he felt himself becoming exposed. There was something almost unholy by the way she watched him... saw him. Like all the most darkest desires was pulled right into the open and was being observed by her. And yet she did not shy away. He damned himself, as he found that no smart remark came to mind. So many options, but they were all escaping him, as her curious and intelligent eyes left him paralyzed. Suddenly a bright smile formed on her lips.

"What amuses you so, my lady?" He asked with a smile.

"The nature disapproving mage has dirt on his forehead." She grinned and reached into her pocket.

"Hey, I thought it added to my roguish look." He replied with a smirk, trying desperately to preserve some dignity.

"Spit." She said holding a piece of cloth up in front of him.  
He crocked an eyebrow and cringed his nose in disgust.

"You don't want my saliva covering your face, do you?" She inquired with a doubtful glare. A look that mirrored a mother's insistence.

"There are so many other places I would want that." He said suggestively.

"Just spit!" She said bluntly, completely unaffected by him.

He did as she asked and then she transformed again, from direct and slightly annoyed to gentle and caring. His breath hitched in his throat as he tender touch removed the dirt from his face. Focused on her task she saw nothing and there was no evidence to suggest that she thought anything special of it. Maybe to her this kind of kindness was common, but to him... a mage... even this small affection was rare. He was about to say something, when she turned away from him and smiled at Justice who returned with firewood. And then he was forgotten again, as she struck up a conversation with the spirit. He was playing a game, but he had forgotten something vital: It took two to play it and so far she had not joined it.


	6. Chapter 6 Deception

**Deception**

Anders was looking over at his daughter sleeping peacefully on Varric's bed, as he rested against the wall. He had only met her a few hours ago and already he loved her so much. He wish he could say that had he known about her, he would never had merged with Justice, but that would be a lie. After everything he had put her and Ellie through he owed them nothing short of the truth. Justice's emotions were in confusion. The spirit was annoyed with the potential distraction the girl and Elissa would be, but with Elissa it was different. He had regarded her highly for so long and though many things had been twisted in the spirits fragile mind, after their merging, his affection for her had remained unchanged. She had been a loyal friend and he loved her dearly, but he was uncertain if she would understand the boundaries, or rather lack thereof, between him and Anders. She could not only be with one of them as they were one and the same. He also struggled with the concept of Justice in this matter. There was an injustice in leaving your pregnant wife and being absent from your child's life, but he and Anders had to heed a call of an even greater injustice that needed to be righted. Justice had never been in a situation before, where he might have to perform a small injustice to right another. It left him confused and remorseful, as the paternal emotions in Anders was cursing through the spirit like wildfire. They could not turn their backs on Elissa and Eleanor... not again. Anders felt a pair of warm lips on his cheek and a pair of hands holding his arm for support, as Elissa raised to her toes.

"Is something wrong?" She asked softly and he heard the hesitation and worry.

He knew she wondered if she had done the right thing in seeking him out and to calm her fears he turned and kissed her lovingly.

"Justice was just making his opinion known." He smiled and almost chuckled at Elissa's brightened expression. Only she would still be happy to be reminded of the spirits presence.

"Did something displease him?" She asked almost sweetly.

Except for Anders, she was the one person in Thedas who knew the spirit best.

"It bothers him that he wasn't told about Eleanor and he fears you will both be a distraction. It is one of the few things we disagree on." Anders smiled softly and Elissa chuckled.

"You always did enjoy distractions, but from what exactly am I distracting you from?" She asked seriously.

Anders looked around and made sure the others hadn't returned yet. He trusted his new friends well enough, but his ideas were still something he kept to himself. Though Hawke had helped all mages so far Anders wanted to make sure that Hawke did not intend to compromise his future plans.

"I intend to start a revolution and free the mages from the circle." He explained and Elissa's jaw dropped.

For a moment he was almost offended, but he knew she was surprised more than outraged and offended.

"You want to start a revolution... You? I heard Justice tried to convince you to help the mages, but you always seemed so reluctant." Elissa explained calmly, yet still surprised.

"I know... It's just, when Justice asked me why I didn't do more for other mages, I couldn't let it go. Couldn't stop thinking about it. The circle is an injustice throughout Thedas and in Kirkwall more mages every day are made tranquil. Even those who have passed their harrowing... like Karl." Anders explained with a pained expression as he closed his eyes and turned his face away from her.

He heard a small gasp coming from her and then felt her warm hand on his cheek turning him back towards her.

"It's against the law to make harrowed mages tranquil. Why did they make him tranquil?" She asked carefully.

"To force him to help capture me." He replied with a strangled breath as guilt over came him.

He felt her arms around him pulling him close and he couldn't help but sink into her. He took in the scent of vanilla that almost left him dazed, as the warmth of her body spread through his aching body. She chased away the darkness and coldness around him. He had never realised either existed until he had met her. Never acknowledged their existence, until when he had first held her in his arms.

"I'm so sorry. I know you and he were friends. I will do whatever it takes to help you avenge his death and bring the bastard who did it to justice." She swore in a whisper, which still contained all her resolve and determination.

Justice's emotions warmed both spirit ad host, as he was reminded of why he had always cherished the commander and Anders felt his heart overflowing with love, knowing he would not have to face this alone. He only cursed himself for not bringing her along in the first place, but then she might have been suspected in killing Rolan, the wardens and templars. He would never wish that her noble spirit and reputation should be smeared in such a way. Elissa pulled away, when Hawke, Varric and Isabella walked in the door with several mugs of ale. Hawke smiled at Elissa.

"Elissa this is..." Hawke began, but didn't get time to finish.

"Isabella? I would have thought to find you in a brothel rather than a tavern." Elissa laughed kindly and walked over to Isabella, who greeted her warmly.

"Well if it isn't the Hero of Ferelden. Shouldn't you be dead by now?" Isabella grinned.

"Alas no one has succeeded yet. Even the crows avoid me now." Elissa chuckled.

"Why is that? Surely you would be good business." Varric smirked.

"Not when the people sent for the task usually end up dead." Elissa winked.

"I thought you usually recruited them, love." Anders teased and walked up behind her.  
Isabella looked at Elissa and then at Anders with astonishment.

"Love? You sweet thing, how is it that he gets to call you such endearing names and I have not even seen you naked?" Isabella fake pouted.

"Keep your hands of my wife, Isabella." Anders warned and wrapped his arms possessively around Elissa's waist.

"**WIFE?!**" Isabella exclaimed with shock.

"Yes, it would seem that our renegade mage have been keeping secrets." Hawke replied faking offense.

"How did that happen? Anders might have been charming in his younger days, but I remember you being almost as chaste as a revered mother. Only that templar ever came past that chastity belt of yours." Isabella grinned.

"They were just telling us their story. Sit down and let's have a pint." Varric suggested.

* * *

**Anders**

He threw her up against the wall and kissed his way down her neck, while his hands slipped under her dress and up her thigh. She gasped as he made an almost forceful nibble against the artery on her neck. He could feel his blood racing though him in the most delicious way. Of all his games this was the one he enjoyed the most and Maker it had been so **long **since he last played it. To his surprise she turned him around and suddenly he the one against the wall. It would seem he had found a worthy opponent as well. He did in fact miss his robes for this type of thing. The warden uniform was just not as easy for this, but it could be discarded easily enough. In fact she was already doing so. She nibbled his neck while trying to open his pants. He closed his eyes and leaned his head against the wall.

"Elissa..." He sighed with pleasure.

And then it all stopped. The blonde in front of him pulled away looking very offended and hurt. He could have hit himself. He was usually not stupid enough to do something like this. He had learned not to use names during this game. It would have disastrous consequences, as he rarely cared for the names of his opponents. The servant girl slapped him and walked out of his room. He groaned in mortification and frustration. Not only did he hurt the feelings of a perfectly sweet girl, but now it wouldn't be long before the entire keep knew of his infatuation with his commander. A chill ran down his spine. If Elissa found out about this, there was no way he was going to be with her. Why had he even said her name? Had his obsession with this woman gone so far that he forgot the most basic rules? He rubbed his face and went to the window cell. Down in the courtyard Elissa was sparring with the newest warden. A dwarven girl called Sigrun. They were both quick and nimble, but Elissa was more elegant.

It should be illegal for her to move that way. She was tempting every guard and male warden in the keep and she wasn't even aware of it. They all looked at her, as she affirmed that she belonged on the pedestal of "Hero of Ferelden". As deadly as those movements were they had a feminine beauty to them, that almost made it look like dancing. She turned away from Sigrun and ran towards the railing around the sparring ground. The dwarf followed without hesitation, not finding it odd that the woman fled. Elissa jumped up on the railing and jumped backwards over Sigrun's head. Before Sigrun was the wiser, Elissa had a dagger at her throat.

"That's unfair commander. Dwarves can't jump very well." He heard Sigrun chuckle loudly.

He could not hear Elissa's responds, but she looked as kind and friendly as ever while giving Sigrun instructions. He groaned in frustration as he saw this. She acted no differently around Sigurn than she did him. He was placed in that same sphere of friendship and getting out of it seemed impossible. How had King Alistair done it? How had he made her look beyond duty and honour? This was supposed to be fun, but this game was becoming a struggle. He was almost tempted to give up, which explained the young lady who just left his room, but he just couldn't. She looked up and noticed him standing in the window. She smiled brightly and waved at him and he gave his best smirk, hoping that maybe this time she would melt.

"We are leaving for Amaranthine, I would like you to join us." She called.

"Be right down, oh fearless leader." He called back and she chuckled.

As they walked toward Amaranthine Anders watched her, but for a different reason than usual. She seemed tired and though her fair skin was always light, that day she seemed sickly pale. Her spirits showed none of it, but he couldn't help but feel she was hiding something. He knew she had more than her fair share of duties and that might be exhausting for her, but somehow he doubted it. Inside Amaranthine Anders groaned as they walked towards the Chantry. He feared that Elissa would accept the quests on the chanter's board, mainly the ones about hunting down apostates. He didn't think she would, but you never knew with these nobles. He could not allow his infatuation, or whatever it was, to cloud his judgement and had to keep her at arm's reach. He had not even told her yet why he had been in Amaranthine in the first place. Suddenly Elissa smiled brightly and ran through the chantry courtyard. She ran towards an old woman dressed in mage robes and threw her arms around her. The old woman chuckled warmly and returned the hug with the same enthusiasm. It was like seeing a daughter greeting a long absent mother. Sigrun and Anders looked at Orghen, who laughed heartily.

"By the stone!" Oghren said happily.

"Who is that Oghren?" Sigrun asked.

"That is Wynne. She travelled with us during the blight." Oghren explained.

"I know her. She was one of my mentors in the circle. Stern, but talented." Anders replied.

They walked over to them, as Elissa pulled away from the mages embrace.

"It is so good to see you my friend." Wynne said warmly.

"And you, Wynne. I thought you were still in Denerim." Elissa smiled.

"I was, but I have business here before I am to travel to Nevarra. I contemplated visiting you in Vigils keep, but things got busy. These are your new wardens I take it. Oghren? I should have known you would get yourself into trouble like this." Wynne chuckled.

"Yeah, can't sit around doing nothing when there are Darkspawn who needs pummelling." Oghren grinned.

"Indeed and... Anders. Irving said you had escaped again, I see you managed to finally get yourself out of the templars reach." Wynne said a little sternly, careful not to encourage him, but not correcting him either.

"It would seem so. She is a lifesaver, our Commander." Anders said fondly and Elissa smiled.

"That she most certainly is." Wynne agreed and a blush formed on Elissa's cheeks, though she still looked a little sickly.

"So why were you detained?" Elissa replied.

"The College of Magi is convening in Cumberland and I must attend. Hopefully this will all blow over before it has begun. But I shan't trouble you further, you have enough on your mind as it is I am sure." Wynne replied.

"Please, if something is going on with the circle it concerns all of us." Elissa said sweetly.

"Very well... Then you should know that something stirs within the fraternities of the circle. The Libertarians wish to pull away entirely from the Chantry. And if they get enough support..." Wynne began a little sadly.

"Pull away entirely? That's madness! I hate Chantry oversight as much as the next mage, but they can't just decide to leave. This is a recipe for disaster." Anders replied heatedly.

"But change is needed and mages have tried to prove themselves for centuries. Perhaps it was time that the chantry showed a little trust as a reward for their efforts. Is it any wonder they are getting desperate?" Elissa replied with certainty.

"There is truth to your words, but the mages will never be free. Don't you remember what happened in the tower in Ferelden? Do you want to give the templars another reason to collar us all? We need to show the Chantry that we can be trusted. This change cannot be forced." Wynne replied sternly.

"I agree, but neither should it be ignored. The Chantry cannot ask the circle to change alone, they will have to change with it. The system has to be improved and that takes the combined forces of both." Elissa insisted.

Anders looked at Elissa closely as his heart speed up. He could hardly believe what he was hearing. She was defending the mages and speaking their case and she had absolutely no reason to do it. There was nothing for her to gain. A few days ago Justice had told him that he had a duty to help his fellow mages, but he had dismissed it for the mere reason that it was difficult. But now... she had no reason to defend the mages and actively help in the debate... no she did it by action as well. She had saved the circle, befriended an apostate, had a mother/daughter relationship with a circle mage and she had saved his life and ensured him a place away from the templars reach. She fought for them out of nothing but the goodness of her heart and did not turn away because it was difficult. Could he expect her to become a martyr for a cause and a people who were not willing to fight themselves? He had never felt so ashamed in his life, as he did at that moment.

Wynne smiled sadly and placed a hand on her shoulder.

"You cannot right all the wrongs in this world alone, my dear. No matter how much I know you might try." Wynne said fondly.

"Have some faith, Wynne." Elissa teased and Wynne laughed, though neither Anders nor Sigrun understood why.

"While you are in Amaranthine I have a request. A month ago we had an unexpected trip to the fade, but when we were pulled back out something unfortunate happened. I met a spirit of Justice inside the fade, but now he is trapped outside the fade." Elissa explained, her voice filled with sympathy for the spirit.

"Dear Maker... How is he trapped here?" Wynne asked.

"His spirit resides inside the body of a dead warden. He is so alone Wynne and I worry for him. I thought maybe, if it is not too much trouble..." Elissa began.

"Say no more, I will return to Vigils Keep with you. There are still three days until my ship leaves for Nevarra and I can make the final preparations at the keep." Wynne smiled.

"Thank you." Elissa replied, but only as a breath.

Anders looked at her as her face became white and just managed to catch her as lost her footing.

"Elissa..." He breathed, as he grabbed her waist.  
Wynne took a step forward and felt Elissa's brow. Elissa was still conscious, but pale and dizzy.

"You have been straining yourself, my dear. We should get you back to the keep." Wynne said with concern.

"I just skipped breakfast. I'll be fine." Elissa dismissed.

"I'm guessing you have been skipping breakfast for the past month." Wynne replied with stern concern.

"I have business. I need to..." Elissa began.

"You need to rest. Healers orders." Anders insisted, holding her tight as she tried to pull away.

"We will take care of the business in Amaranthine, Commander." Sigrun replied with a smile.

"Don't worry we have it all under control." Oghren smiled.

"Thank you." Elissa replied meekly.

* * *

**Justice**

Justice was pacing outside the commanders quarters. He had never known the function of pacing before, but he had never felt this restless. Everything was so much slower here than in the fade and especially the concept of time was occasionally infuriating for him. He had heard the commander had fallen ill and now he was feeling apprehensive. It was an emotion unfamiliar to him and it made time seem even longer. When his patience was finally wearing out Anders came out the door. He looked frustrated.

"How is she?" Justice asked concerned.

"She will be fine. She is just overtired and has been ignoring to take care of herself. At least that is what I think. Wynne was adamant about examining her, so I have been waiting just as you have." Anders groaned in annoyance.

"Why would she not accept your aid?" Justice asked a little puzzled.

"Wynne knows Eli... the commander very well and knows of my reputation in the circle." Anders replied with a sigh.

"Your reputation?" Justice asked confused.

"I have some history with women in the tower." Anders tried.

"You are trying to make a point that continues to elude me." Justice said a little annoyed and Anders chuckled.

"I have lain with many women in the tower." Anders explained with a grin.

"And you would do such, when she is in this state?!" Justice almost accused.

"Of course not! I am a professional. I think Wynne is merely concerned that El... the commander would become emotionally attached to me." Anders replied a little sadly.

"And this is undesirable?" Justice asked raising a brow.

"No, just not wise. It complicates things and mages have complications enough." Anders explained.

Justice observed his friend as a wide range of emotions seemed to be passing the young man's face. There was a longing present in his being that was shifting between hopeful and discouraging, as rapidly as the wind. Anders was like a leaf at the mercy of the wind that blew. Praying that it would take him to a distant place and not change direction, only to blow him back into confinement. Every leaf falls to the ground somewhere, but this was clearly something the mage avoided. Justice did not fully understand this. From what he retained of Kristoff's memories, the happiest day of his life had been when he had married Aura. The time in his life, where he had finally stopped being blown about by forces of nature, when the leaf had become one with the earth and life had started growing from the soil he had become. Justice secretly wanted to experience this transition. He wanted to experience what Kristoff had and not just have the remnants of memory. And despite what Anders said, the spirit couldn't help but feel it was the same for him. In Justice's case there was a perfectly sound reason why he could not pursue these things. He was a corpse and anything romantic would be impossible. It was a biological factor, but with Anders it was different. Anders' boundaries were set by men and for his friends sake, for all mages sake, Justice would see these boundaries removed. As for himself, he doubted that he would ever have the opportunity, as that would require a live body.

"That is not just." Justice insisted.

"Well, welcome to the world spirit." Anders replied.

The door opened and the healer Wynne came out the door. Both mage and spirit looked at her with apprehension and Wynne smiled kindly.

"She is fine. Anders, when I leave you will have to watch her carefully. She has been under great emotional distress and has not eaten or taken care of herself. She is very close to falling seriously ill and that cannot be afforded at this time." Wynne instructed.

"Of course. I should have noticed it sooner." Anders scolded himself.

"I am almost glad you didn't. I have seen how you look at her young man. She is not a circle mage, I hope you realise that." Wynne said firmly.

An understanding seemed to pass between the mages that Justice did not fully understand. Before he could enquire however, Wynne looked intently at him. Justice shifted uncomfortably.

"I am sorry. I know my presence is somewhat disturbing, not to mention my appearance." Justice apologized.

"Think nothing of it. You must be Justice. Elissa wished for us to speak. Perhaps we could take the opportunity now. Follow me please." Wynne said with a smile.

"And the commander?" Justice asked.

"She is in good hands." Wynne smiled looking at Anders who nodded.

Justice followed Wynne down towards the Commander's office and walked inside. For a brief moment Justice thought he felt the veil shift in her presence, but was uncertain how that was possible. Wynne gestured for him to sit down.

"Why did the commander wish for you to talk to me?" Justice enquired.

"Because part of my being is like you. A year ago I was killed during some trouble that happened at the circle tower. I was saved by a spirit of Faith that now resides in my body." She explained with a smile.

Justice looked at her for a moment with surprise. Even he could not tell that she was harbouring one of his kind. That the two individuals were coexisting within this old woman. His conversations with Nathaniel came to mind and hope started to enter his mind. If he had not known it to be impossible he would almost say a rush of ecstasy was spreading through him. Maybe someday he could have a live body. Then caution and concern entered his mind.

"This is unexpected. Do people not consider it abominable?" Justice asked with caution.

"Elissa once told me that if someone maintains there humanity and remember who they are, then they are not an abomination. I have spent a lifetime guiding others, but when I was the most uncertain, she guided me and helped me come to terms with the nature of what I had become." Wynne smiled.

"She is a kind and noble soul and thus I admire her greatly." Justice replied.

Wynne smiled and during the next two hours she answered all of the questions she could and simply talked to Justice.

* * *

** Elissa**

Elissa awoke after what felt like days of sleep. She smiled when she looked over at the fire and saw Wynne sitting in the chair by the fire, watching over her as if she was a child. After Elissa had lost her parents, she had felt so lost. Wynne had filled some of the emptiness her mother's death had created. Her guidance and friendship during the blight had been a source of strength for Elissa during the blight. As Elissa sat up, Wynne looked up from her book and walked over and sat on the bed.

"You should take better care of yourself. If not for yourself, then at least do it for those who care for you." Wynne smiled.

"There is only you... and Oghren. Leilanna is in Orlais, Zevran in Antiva, Sten is probably back on Par vollen... Even Morrigan and Alistair are gone." Elissa said sadly.

"Morrigan might not be here, but I know she still thinks of you. There is a lot about that girl I did not trust, but her friendship with you was absolute. And Alistair still loves you, do not take that lightly because you choose duty over your own heart." Wynne said carefully.

"I am so tired Wynne. I want to sleep and never wake up." Elissa sighed with a tired breath.

Wynne stroked her hair lovingly.

"You listen to me. There are people in this keep, beyond myself, who will be very sorry if you don't wake up. That spirit of Justice might just cross the veil to pull you back out." Wynne said jokingly and Elissa laughed.

"He is nice, isn't he?" Elissa smiled.

"That he is, even if he tends to deal a lot in absolutes. It might bring him in some trouble." Wynne smiled.

"He just needs some guidance." Elissa replied.

"Perhaps. There is another thing. Anders..." Wynne began, but Elissa shook her head.

"You are not going to warn me about the big bad mage, are you? I spent a year travelling with Zevran, I think I can defend myself from a flirting mage." Elissa chuckled.

"Just you be careful, dear. You have a tendency to see the best in everyone and want so desperately to make everyone feel loved. You must have brought home your fair share of lost puppies as a child." Wynne smiled knowingly.

"Just the one." Elissa laughed.

"Still, Anders is a good lad and very passionate, but reckless and impulsive. Any relationship with him might not be more than fleeting." Wynne said sadly.

"I know. Have no fear. I don't view him in that way." Elissa replied truthfully.


	7. Chapter 7 Protector

**Protector**

Anders looked at Elissa with a doubtful glare.

"You can't be serious, Ellie. I was charming and handsome, you must have had some interest in me." Anders argued with a grin.

"I agree. I could understand you now, when he is such a stick in the mud, but back then he was enjoyable company." Isabella smiled.

Anders gave a low growl looking at Isabella with icy eyes, before he became slightly mournful for the man he had once been. Elissa stroked his cheek and smiled fondly at him.

"Actually, this is the part of him I fell for. Not the charming exterior everyone else seemed so awfully fascinated by." She replied and looked into Anders' eyes.

He looked at her as if he could hardly find the words in to which to respond. The part of him that was angry and tormented had been hidden away from years beneath his veil of humour. He had years ago learned that people would rather see the funny, carefree mask than the person he actually was. Especially, when he was about to deploy one of his games or get someone to do him a favour. But next to him sat a woman who had looked behind the veil and uncovered the dark areas of his soul and not only hadn't she been frightened, but now she claimed that this was what she fell in love with. She kissed his lips softly to remove any shred of doubt and he sighed with bliss, when she pulled away leaning his forehead against hers. Hawke looked at her as if she was crazy, but Elissa just shook her head and gently squeezed Anders' hand.

"So, tell me. How did you fall for the hopelessly romantic apostate?" Varric pressed.

"It happened slowly... well faster than I want to admit perhaps, but when I first began to realise it was when..." Elissa began.

* * *

**Elissa**

After she had almost passed out in Amaranthine, Wynne had been adamant about taking care of Elissa. When Wynne had to leave, she had given this task to Anders. Elissa was convinced he must have picked up some tricks from the templars, because she was slowly going insane from being constantly watched. Anders would bring her meals himself and then sit beside her, making sure she ate every last bit of it. He was watching over her almost vigorously, making sure she did not neglect herself and watched her for any sign of disease. Gone was the carefree Anders and a devout healer, with tendency of being overly protective had taken his place. He still joked and was as silly as always, but his actions were far different from what she had expected. She knew he and Wynne meant well, but after five days of this she was beginning to fear for her sanity. And she couldn't very well leave the arling unattended. So that day she was determined to head for the Wending Woods, healers orders or no. She stood up early and woke up Nathaniel, Sigrun and Justice and ordered them to get ready for departure. She was out in the stables and getting the horses ready, when she realised how silly her actions were. It was as if she was sneaking away, like an adolescent breaking curfew. She was the bloody Hero of Ferelden, slayer of the Arch Demon and now she was sneaking away at daybreak, from a mage. And not just any mage, but a fellow warden under her command. At that moment she had never thought she would have done anything that stupid. It didn't improve, when she heard Anders clear his throat behind her and for just a fraction of a second she was actually... fearful. The kind of fear that a child have of its parent, when faced with a rule they had broken. She turned to look at him and tried to master herself. She was the one in command after all and she could do whatever she bloody pleased. Anders looked at her slightly amused and concerned at once.

"Well, are we off to see a secret lover, my dear lady?" He asked with a grin.

"You know as well as I, that I only have dates with darkspawn." She replied coldly.

"And if that isn't the gravest crime in Thedas. If pushed I might even get Justice to agree with me that it is an injustice." He chuckled.

Elissa rolled her eyes and turned to finish saddle the horse. She suddenly felt Anders standing next to her. Much closer than she liked in reality. After Alistair she had a problem with having anyone close, both physically and emotionally. Not that there was anything sexual or even slightly suggestive in the manner on which Anders was close to her.

"Have you eaten something?" He asked seriously.

She turned to look at him and was still surprised whenever this side of him showed. The caring, gentle and serious side.

"No, I have matters to attend to. I don't have t..." She began, but he placed a piece of bread in her hand.

"You have to eat." He said seriously.

"I am not trying to starve myself." She insisted.

"I know, but you are so busy worrying about everything else that you forget to eat. You know how dangerous that is." He replied in a slightly correcting manner.

She smiled softly and he pushed her slightly away from the horse. As she ate he finished her task for her and he smiled at her as she broke of a small piece of bread and gave it to the horse.

"So where are we going?" Anders asked when done with his task.

"You, warden, are going to stay here today and take care of sorting out that huge amount of potions you ordered." She replied trying to suppress a smile.

"You are trying to get rid of me." He accused with a grin.

"I am your commander, which means I am not trying anything. I am succeeding." She stated coyly, concealing her smile as she dragged the horse outside.

She turned to look for the others and found that Anders was already talking to Nathaniel and Justice, no doubt instructing them to make sure she didn't forget to eat. It really wasn't as if she was starving herself, but with all her duties she didn't pay attention to her body. A whole day could pass before she realised that she hadn't eaten anything. Not something life threatening at first, but for a warden it was potentially disastrous and made her much more vulnerable to disease. She knew this and that was the reason she suffered this over protectiveness. She jumped up on her horse and had Sigrun sitting behind her, while Justice and Nathaniel took one each.

"Well, say hello to the darkspawn from me." Anders smiled and waved as he headed inside.

* * *

**Anders**

Sorting out the potions and all the other goods the keep had received was a tedious task. It reminded him of some of the punishments the first enchanter would give apprentices at the tower. He shook his head. Elissa would never punish him, this just needed to be done and it was not like Oghren was suitable for the task. She probably just needed a day away from being watched, as if she was sick and in reality he didn't blame her. And perhaps he had been a little overprotective, but she was his friend and commander. It was only natural that he wanted her to be safe. He shook his head again.

"Listen to me, trying to protect the warden-commander. I must have hit my head on something." He muttered under his breath.

He heard a voice coming from outside and it was filled with panic. He walked to the window and saw a man standing arguing with one of the keeps soldiers, clearly upset about something. Feeling a sudden sense of urgency Anders walked with haste steps through the keep and down towards the gate. As he walked closer he saw the seneschal, Oghren and one of the guards trying to calm down the now hysterical man. Anders looked at Oghren who gave him a grim look with a deep breath and looked down into the ground.

"But you have to help." The man said desperately.

"I am sorry, but we have deployed all the soldiers we have to offer and the warden-commander isn't here." Varel tried.

"But my family!" The man objected.

"Calm down. What seems to be the trouble?" Anders asked in a caring manner as he approached.

"They darkspawn have been scourging through the farmlands. My village and farm is under siege! Please sir, you must help us!" The man pleaded with tears in his eyes.  
Varel looked at Anders with a pained expression.

"This man left hours ago, the chance that anyone is still alive is practically none existent. Sending anyone to help will be suicide at best. We can offer you refuge and help you relocate." Varel tried.

"No, you can't. My family!" The man cried in his despair.

Anders felt his blood boil with rage.

"You can't be serious! We have to help them!" Anders insisted, his voice filled with resentment.

"There is nothing left, mage. The sodding darkspawn have slaughtered them all by now." Oghren said with remorse.

"The dwarf is right." The soldier replied.

"No, this is wrong! And if there is even one innocent person still alive... we can't just..." Anders argued heatedly.

"We will have to wait for the commander to return." Varel replied.

"The commander trusts us to take care of the keep and lands in her absence. I am going to help, if you want to stay here and cower in fear then so be it." Anders replied.

He ran towards the stables and quickly got one of the horses. Several of the soldiers began saddling up their horses as well and followed Anders towards the gate. Oghren stood with his axe over his shoulder and Anders stopped next to him.

"Are you coming?" Anders asked and Oghren groaned.

"I will have to. The commander will never forgive me if you come back in tiny mage pieces. Besides I can never say no to a chance of giving those darkspawn a taste of my axe." Oghren replied and reached for Anders' hand as he pulled him up on the horse.

The man came running up to the horse and looked at Anders hopefully.

"Thank you so much good sir. Maker bless you." The man said with a teary voice.

"Yes, well don't thank me yet." Anders replied and they set of towards the village.

As they were closing in on the village, Anders could sense the darkspawn closing in. There were many, but not the vast horde the farmer had described. The one that would be a problem was the large ogre in full plate armour rampaging through the fields. Anders' heart sank as he saw nothing but dead humans scattered around and a chill hit him to the bone, when he realised none of them were women. The thought of broodmothers were a terrible one. One he would never be able to shake. Facing those would never become a game to him and no amount of carelessness in the world would make him forget what the women went through. Dismounting the horses, Oghren began giving the soldiers orders, before the dwarf charged head first into battle. The drunken fury of the dwarf cleaving through the darkspawn, did however bring the excitement of the game forth in Anders. He almost smiled with morbid satisfaction, as he created a large fireball that incinerated a vast number of the fiends. He was avenging the deaths of the farmers and for a brief moment thought that Justice would be quite proud of him. They surrounded the darkspawn and between Oghren's furious twirls with his gigantic axe and Anders' hurricane of fire the darkspawn quickly, leaving the soldiers in awe. The wardens really only recruited the best. In the heat of battle, as Anders was exhilarated by the game, it left him oblivious to the giant armoured ogre that was protected from both Oghren's axe and his fire. It charged towards him and only because of one of the soldiers cry did Anders manage to jump out of the way, as the beast charged towards him. Passing him the ogre hit the corner of one of the houses, making it shudder violently. Its horns stuck in the building, which was slowly crumbling, one of the soldiers hit it in the neck with several arrows killing the beast. Anders would have been cheering if he had not at that moment heard cries of fears coming from within the unstable building. The cries of frightened children. Without hesitation Anders ran towards the building.

"**Sparklefingers! What are you doing?!**" Oghren roared almost panicky.

"**There are children inside!**" Anders cried back and continued into the building.

"**Get out of there, its suicide!**" A soldier cried.

Going through the crumbling house Anders vaguely heard Oghren say "Sod it!", but didn't acknowledge it. Had it not been for his determination and kind heart, Anders would have noticed how terrified he was. Funny how those were the things that made him overcome his fears. The beam supporting the roof had snapped in two and was now standing on the floor barely supporting the weight. It would only be a short time before there would be nothing but dust left. The house violently shook again and making creaking sounds that were more terrifying than those of a shriek. He heard a wailing cry of panic.

"Where are you?" He called, trying not to let his own desperation shine through.

"Here! Help us, please!" He heard a girl cry.

He walked towards the sound with haste steps and in the kitchen, hiding under the table he found two girls. One about fifteen and the other around ten. He was tempted to look at the roof creaking, but he was afraid of alarming the girls. The kneeled down and put his hand forward.

"It's going to be alright, but you need to come with me now." He said in a friendly, but firm voice.

"We can't. Camilla's leg is hurt." The older one said.

Anders reached for the girls injured leg and found that it was broken. He let healing magic emanate from his hands and mended the broken bone. The girls looked at him more with awe than fear and Anders had to smile. No matter the circumstances, positive reaction to magic was always welcome.

"It will still be sore, but you can walk on it now. Come with me." Anders said reaching for the older girl's hand.

He led them through the house, when he saw Oghren appearing.

"Sodding mage. I knew you would get me in to trouble." Oghren grumbled.

"Your concern for me is heart warming." Anders chuckled.

"Let's get out of here." Oghren replied.

"No, our brother. He is upstairs!" The older girl said with a teary voice.

Anders took a deep breath and looked at Oghren.

"I'll go get him. Oghren make sure these two get out safely." Anders requested and Oghren nodded.

The girls followed Oghren, while Anders made his way to the stairs. Of all the death's people had predicted for him, dying a hero was definitely not something they had assumed. He was actually a little surprised himself. He almost panicked as he saw the stairs that had been twisted in an almost unholy fashion, but the whimpering noises coming from upstairs brought him back to the present. Carefully he took one step after another.

"This was a bad idea." He muttered.

The house shook again, the step under him broke and he only just managed to grab hold of the railing. His heart rate increased and was hammering in his chest, as if doing an unholy ritual all on its own. He was barely aware of his limbs anymore and felt he had absolutely no control over his legs. Cold sweat poured from him and his breathing was erratic, but he noticed neither until his clammy hands almost made him loosen his grip on the railing. Pulling himself to the next step he managed to get himself under control.

"Definitely a bad idea!" He shuddered in panic.

When he finally got up the stairs, the house was making so many noises it sounded as if it was moaning and wailing in agony. The dust flowing around freely and burning in his lungs did not make it any easier. It suddenly occurred to him he had no idea of how to get the boy out of there, once he reached him. Luckily there was only one room upstairs, so finding the boy wasn't hard. Anders might have laughed, when he opened the door, had the situation not been so terrifying. A boy around eight years old was holding a sword with both hands and pointing it at him. It was far too large and the boy was wobbling from side to side, with his eyes tightly closed, clearly frightened.

"G-get away from m-me m-monster!" The boy shuddered.

"It's alright. I am a Grey Warden." Anders said as calmly as he could.

The boy opened his eyes and had a hopeful and pleading look in his eyes. He dropped the heavy sword and jumped forward, wrapping his arms around Anders waist, so tightly it pressed out all the air left in Anders' lungs. The house creaked again and everything shook. Anders heard something breaking and the house began leaning to one side. A massive boom sounded and Anders knew that it had to be the stairs crumbling. He looked around and went to the window. He tried to open it, but with no luck. Normally he would just have shattered it with magic, but the slightest change in the house's structure would cause it to collapse killing both him and the boy instantly. Luckily they were at the first floor. He turned to the boy.

"I am going to be trying something, but I need you to trust me alright?" Anders said seriously.

The boy nodded vigorously and Anders channelled his magic. The boy was surrounded in a thick barrier of ice with an air pocket in the middle. The house shuddered again and the entire structure fell.

* * *

**Justice**

They had managed to find the mage Elissa's friend had asked them to find and secure some of the missing trade goods. They had however not been able to find the reason the caravans were attacked and would have to return another time. It was a little dissatisfying for Justice, which they had not been able to complete a righteous task, but Elissa reminded him that things took time. Time... he wondered if he would ever come to terms with that concept. They were nearing Vigils Keep after three days away and Justice had been watching Elissa closely. She had been very sick only days before they left and he was certain that it could not be good for her. The mage had told him and Nathaniel to ensure that the commander did not forget herself, something the spirit had noticed she did often. Sigrun reached into her pocket and threw an apple at the commander.

"You should eat this commander." Sigrun smiled.

"You too? This is insubordination. You would think Anders was the commander and I just some child that needed watching." Elissa grumbled with a faint smile on her lips.

"Not at all commander. If memory serves your father did the same thing. Working himself into exhaustion and your mother was the only reason he ever got something to eat." Nathaniel smiled.

"True..." Elissa replied a little solemnly.

Justice rode up next to her and looked at her sad expression. She was lost in thought and was completely oblivious to the apple she was twirling in her hand.

"You should eat commander." Justice said with concern.

Elissa looked at him with a grin spreading across her face that made him calm and almost hopeful.

"Oh the irony! The two people who are "dead" are hounding me to take better care of myself." She laughed.

"And one who wanted you dead a few months ago." Sigrun added cheerfully.

The comment would have caused tension had it not been for the fact that Elissa laughed heartily and took a big bite of the apple.

"Theerrre! Haoppy?" Elissa muffled with her mouth full.

"Very ladylike, commander!" Howe laughed.

Elissa took to large bites of the apple and threw the core at his head, hitting him right between the eyes. Sigrun laughed and Nathaniel groaned. Justice looked at Elissa and felt suddenly entranced by the ways light seemed to be dancing in her eyes as she laughed. When that spark of light appeared in her eyes it seemed like something had finally been righted in this world. It gave him the feeling of wanting to do more and not for justice sake alone. They entered the keeps courtyard and dismounted, when the seneschal came towards them with a grim look on his face. Instantly the light in Elissa's eyes faded and Justice instantly felt a sudden need to right whatever caused her distress. Elissa looked at him briefly with worried eyes, before ordering the soldiers to take care of the horse.

"Anders has been hurt." Was the only thing she said to the three of them, before running into the keep and they followed her.

Upstairs Anders was lying unconscious in his bed. Justice had never seen anyone look that beaten. His right arm was swollen and was almost blackened by all the colours merging on his skin. His brow was cut, as was his lip and the right side of his hair was smeared in dried blood. Elissa looked at him for a moment and for the first time Justice actually saw fear strike her eyes. Oghren stood in the corner as if ashamed.

"What happened?" Elissa asked with a worried voice.

"One of the small farm villages were attacked by darkspawn. The mage insisted on helping them, so we took a few dozen men and went to help the village. Most of it was gone, but we managed to send the darkspawn to beyond the stone. " Oghren began.

"Did the darkspawn do this?" Elissa said with a curious expression.

"No. Three children were trapped inside one of the house and Sparklefingers ran right inside to help them. He found the girls easily enough and was bringing them out when I came in to help. But the sodding brother of theirs was hiding upstairs. Anders told me to get the girls out and went after the boy." Oghren continued.

"Dear Maker..." Elissa breathed and walked towards Anders.

"The house was crumbling, but Anders managed to find the boy. I don't know what happened, but the house collapsed and after we found the boy protected by a cage of ice and Anders lying amongst the rubble. Figures, it is our healer that does something that stupid." Oghren grumbled.

Justice felt a new feeling to be associated with the mage, that he had come to know as admiration. The mage really was a lot braver and far more righteous than what Justice had believed. He was however worried for his friend and never had he felt so helpless. The dwarf was right. Anders was the one who took care of them, but now there was no one to help him. Justice looked at the others and recognized the same feeling of helplessness. Elissa walked over to his bedside and made the maid currently tending to his wounds move away. Elissa began tending him herself and Justice knew that she above all others hated the feeling of helplessness.


	8. Chapter 8 Courage

**Courage**

"That was very brave of you, Anders." A sweet voice said from the doorway.  
They turned their heads to see Merrill standing in the doorway. She suddenly seemed distressed as she realised she had interrupted the story.

"Oh, please do not stop on my account." She urged.

"Hello." Elissa smiled at the nervous elf.

"This is Merrill." Anders introduced and though friendly, Elissa gave him a look as if examining him.

"It's a pleasure to meet you, Merrill. I'm Elissa." She smiled fondly and stood up to reach for the elf's hand who gladly gave it.

Elissa took Merrill's hand and looked at the scars on her wrists. Elissa looked surprised for a moment and looked at Anders and then Merrill. Merrill realised what Elissa had noticed and pulled her hand back and dragged down her sleeves to conceal the scars. Almost as if ashamed.

"That explains it." Elissa said softly, but with a kind smile towards Merrill who seemed to calm.

Anders grunted obviously annoyed and the look Elissa gave him and Hawke and Varric chuckle. She rolled her eyes and shook her head lightly before kissing his cheek softly.

"You... don't mind?" Merrill asked almost as astonished as the other, except for Anders and Isabella closed the door.

"About the bloodmagic? Wardens do whatever is necessary to end the blights. Some of the more noble wardens tend to forget just what that means. Bloodmagic is risky and can come at a great price, but with caution its power can be harnessed." Elissa said with a small smile.

"You would think that. Wardens are so all-knowing." Anders spat and Elissa shook her head.

"Everyone take cover before we have another lover's quarrel!" Hawke jested and faked that he was about to hide under the table.

This even brought a smile to Anders' lips.

"You honestly don't mind?" Merrill asked and Elissa looked thoughtful for a moment.

"You know how they say that joining the wardens is a sacrifice? Well, the personal sacrifices are not the worst. The worst are the sacrifices we force to make of others. What we do... what we have to live with... The decisions we take and how they shape the world around us, that is the true sacrifice and can haunt us more than any darkspawn filled dream." Elissa explained sadly and Anders reached for her hand, stroking it lovingly.

"I... left the wardens behind. I was never suited to be a warden... I couldn't live with some of the things we have to do." Anders continued and wrapped his other arm around Elissa stroking her back.

"I don't agree. Wardens are willing to do anything in order to achieve the greater good and I believe you have that same resolve regarding freeing the mages." Elissa said softly looking into his eyes.

Unspoken words passed between them and Hawke was honestly surprised by how well Elissa knew Anders. He even wondered why they bothered to speak, as the glances between them seemed to contain far more elaborate sharing of emotions and thoughts, than words ever could. Perhaps it was a warden thing, but he highly doubted it. Anders was highly emotional and so was she it seemed, what they shared went beyond duty and honour. What could Anders possibly have done, that made him capable of leaving someone who was almost as attached to his soul as Justice? Wanting to keep the conversation going Varric looked at them.

"So, you ended up playing his bed nurse for weeks?" Varric said, urging them to continue the story.

"Almost... after a few days..." Anders continued.

* * *

**Anders**

Everything ached. Literally everything! There was a pulsating pain that started from his right arm and spread throughout his body, like a surge with every second breath. There was an excruciating war-drum beating in his head, which made the mere thought of opening his eyes unbearable. He would have been twisting in agony, if not for the fact that he feared to move even an inch terrified that it would increase the pain. Unfortunately the person in the room with him, did not know this as they, be it gently, sat on the bed. He gave a short cry of pain as he arched his back.

"Shhh... I'm sorry... Drink this." A soft familiar voice all but whispered.

He felt a soft palm embracing his neck and holding him slightly up, not allowing him to use any of his own muscles to do so. This made it bearable, until he felt a cool vial being pressed to his lips. The liquid passed his lips and Anders recognized the concoction as being a healing potion. And a very potent one at that. Making sure he had drunk every last drop, he was softly, gently, almost... lovingly laid down again. For the briefest moment he felt the soft palm stroke his cheek and he almost sighed with pleasure. It was not a sexual pleasure, but a relief... a comfort, that he had not received in what seemed a lifetime. If he dared to move he would have grabbed onto this person and prevent them from leaving the bed. He almost panicked at the thought that they would leave him. This was when he felt the hand and arm gently reaching under his neck and shoulders, lifting him and pillows were showed in under him, allowing him to sit up straight. The presence moved away again, but as long as he could hear the footsteps, still inside the room, he was able to take comfort from the person. Anders had taught himself not to need anyone and this was... unsettling to him and yet it felt so right. Despite the pain he never wanted the feeling to end. The potion starting to take effect he dared to open his eyes and almost chocked on his breath, when he realised who it was. Elissa was standing by the table, her impossibly long hair kept in a lose ponytail and wearing only her tunic and trousers. This was as casual as he had ever seen her. When she turned a bright smile formed on her lips as she gave a breath of relief. Anders' heart almost stopped at this discovery. He tried to reason that she was probably this concerned about everyone under her command. It was even stranger to him, when he realised this train of thought made him feel disquiet. What was wrong with him? Feeling suddenly exposed he desperately tried to grasp onto his humour, hoping it would shield him from being exposed... not truly knowing what it was he feared would be exposed in the first place.

"Well, commander. It would seem that I have forgotten something rather delightful, having you standing in my room so slightly dressed." He smirked flirtatiously, suddenly realising that he might not look his best at present. Especially judging from the wide variety of colours on his right arm.

"Assuming that my skills in bed are so easily forgotten, is not exactly flattering you know." She replied with a mocking scowl and a small smile.

"You are right, that would be a grave crime. I apologize." He grinned as a reply.

She then looked at him with a concern that made his heart speed up and a desire to have her in his arms spread through him like wildfire. He knew of passion and desire, but this was different and he was not sure why.

"Do you need a mana potion as well?" She said with great concern.

Anders twitched his fingers in his left arm, trying to feel the magic and finding that it was scares. His body was undoubtedly using all its energy on healing his extensive wounds. He nodded and she turned to the table grapping a potion and a mirror. She sat on the bed and he had to consciously to stop his arm from reaching for her. He took the potion and sighed as he felt it run though his veins. This earned him the faintest smile and even a blush from Elissa who looked shyly onto the floor after their eyes briefly met. Months he had observed her now and still there was a mystery there, he was yet to uncover. She held up the hand mirror for him to look at his face, with unspoken words asking for him to heal himself. He gave a startled noise as he saw his face. His right side swollen beyond recognition and looked as if painted by a three year old. Quickly he healed himself and his face began to look the same. Only yellow bruises and a redness remained. He looked into Elissa's eyes that were serious and worried.

"That bad, huh?" He stated.

"Yes. Which reminds me I have a bone to pick with you." She said with authority, but in her eyes some mischief was shining through.

"Yes, commander." He replied realising just then that his voice had sounded husky and he was unsure, just why that was.

"You are my only healer and you almost got yourself killed. How am I supposed to run this keep, with you playing sick?" She replied trying very hard not to smile.

"And here I thought it was me you were concerned about." He chuckled.

Her eyes changed again and if he had not known better he would have sworn admiration was hidden in them.

"That was very brave of you, Anders. Not to mention extraordinary kind and selfless. Thank you." She said seriously and her eyes slightly watery.

She leaned into kiss his cheek and he knew it. As her lips almost touched him, he turned his head and claimed her lips. His hand went into her hair and behind her neck holding her there, as what was meant as a quick, brief kiss on his cheek, became a passionate and lingering joining of lips. His heart was beating in a pace that made it hard for him to breathe, as the taste of her soft sweet lips made his head spin. Had he been more aware and less intoxicated by her, he would have thought it odd that she didn't even seem surprised by this. She seemed so resistant and hesitant normally, but to this kiss she surrendered fully. Maker help him! He had been curious about her, but nothing could have prepared him for this. There was a passion under that sweet innocence, which would challenge even the desires brought forth by the desire demons themselves. Feeling the passion surging straight to his heart he deepened the kiss and as she moaned it almost felt as if his heart would break. Desperate to embrace her he lifted his right arm and hissed against her lips, because of the pain. This was when her eyes suddenly opened and she pulled away almost panicky, as the dream world, he found himself in, shattered. In her eyes he saw something he would never have thought possible... fear. Then he realised what he had done and the implications he had just created. Wynne had told him to be cautious with Elissa and that she was not as familiar as people in the circle was. Only now he realised the meaning behind the words. What he had opened was a gateway to a golden city all of its own. Something pure and mostly untouched and now he doubted that he was worthy of it.

"Elissa, I'm sorry. I..." He began and with those words she bolted out of the room.

He leaned back into the pillows and tried to understand what had just happened. He had found the key to opening a heart that she guarded so well and he knew that the chance of him breaking it was high. She knew it too, which was why she ran. Mages shouldn't fall in love and it was unjust to make others fall in love with them. This game of his had just turned from child's play into something possibly disastrous. He groaned in frustration as every fibre of his being was aching for her.

* * *

**Elissa**

Several days passed since Anders had kissed her and she had tried to forget it. She acted as if nothing happened and to her relief so did he. When he had kissed her it had seemed so natural to go along with it. It had felt right and everything else in the world existed beyond that. But when she realised what happened, she was reminded it had felt similar with Alistair. She had loved him so much and so deeply, but she had married him off to Anora. For the good of the people she had done it, even though she could have taken her place at his side. She could have been queen. But how would it have looked? Two grey wardens on the throne and placed there by themselves. It would seem like the grey wardens was trying to convert the entire country Ferelden into their own private base. Still there were times... eternities where she regretted it. She cursed herself, thinking of Anders. He didn't know it, but it was the same qualities that attracted her to Alistair that attracted her to him. The good heart, the deflection with humour and a hidden sorrow that she yearned to heal. But Anders had something Alistair didn't, that ignited something in her that was almost terrifying. Despite his claims to be indifferent, Anders had willpower stronger than any she had ever seen. He had a confidence in himself and in his powers, Alistair never had. But it was not his power that fascinated her, but the way Anders used them. What he used them for. Her breath hitched in her throat as her pulse speed up and she almost moaned out loud and her knees went weak at the mere thought of him. In a moment of annoyance she wondered, how Anders could have done something so stupid. It quickly resided however and she even felt ashamed for her thoughts.

Several more days passed and finally she seemed to have forgotten or repressed it so much into her subconscious that she could look at Anders without being reminded of the kiss. She was walking through the keep and was about to go outside to inspect the stables, when she stopped in the gate looking out into the courtyard. Anders was talking to the three sibling he had saved and the eldest looked at him with an adoration only a smitten teenager could show. Elissa was not eavesdropping, but was close enough to hear what was said.

"Here, take this. Seek out these people in Denerim. They are very kind and I am sure they will help you. Just tell them I send you." Anders smiled and pressed a coin-purse and a letter into the eldest hands.

"Sir, this is too much." The eldest objected.

Elissa took a look at the purse and from what she could figure, from the size of it, Anders had just given them everything he owned. Her heart swelled at his generosity and at the same time she cursed herself. How could she convince her heart not to fall for him, when he behaved like this? The girl tried to give the purse back to him, but firmly he pressed it into her hand.

"No. It is yours now. Now go before you miss your ride to Denerim." He urged.

The children embraced him and Elissa had to suppress a chuckle as she looked at him. His right arm still in a sling and probably hurting, his face cringed from pain as the three children hugged him tightly. Biting his lip he held back the groan of pain not giving the children the slightest hint that they were hurting him. His eyes then met Elissa's and he smiled at her. When they pulled away they ran towards the trade wagon travelling to Denerim and the eldest girl looked back at Anders, almost heartbroken as it drove off. Elissa walked up next to him.

"I think she was quite smitten with you." Elissa smiled.

"Sure, who wouldn't be?" He chuckled.

"That was kind of you. You gave them everything you had didn't you?" She smiled knowingly.

"I did nothing you wouldn't have done." He replied with a smile.

"You are probably right." She said softly.

"Good thing we aren't a married farmers. We would always be the poorest people in the arling." He chuckled.

"Or we might be the richest by other measures." She smiled in return.

They looked at each other and for a moment all pretence that nothing happened between them, completely evaporated. Quickly she tore her gaze from his and walked away with haste steps. Walking into the stables she almost laughed at the sight. Justice was standing in front one of the horses feeding it apples. She loved his purity and curiosity. When he realised her standing there, he dropped one of the apples and looked almost like a child caught red-handed. This time she could not suppress her chuckle.

"I didn't see you commander." Justice explained.

"So I gathered... They are beautiful aren't they?" She replied gesturing to the horses and stroking the one Justice was currently standing in front of.

"Keeping them confined like this... It does not seem just." He questioned looking at her for answers.

She looked down for a moment considering his unspoken question.

"I guess in a sense it isn't. Most of us treat them with respect and care. They are our friends as much as out captives. We keep them confined to keep them safe." She explained.

"Your kind uses the same arguments about mages, but those you don't seem to agree with." He pointed out.

"True... how do I explain it... We make confinements for our children to protect them, until the time comes when they can manage on their own. We don't do it to be unjust, but we do it out of love." She tried.

"You make love seem... confining..." Justice replied hesitantly.

"I suppose in a way it is, but it is also liberating. Love can make us feel guarded and safe and that can give us the courage to do things we wouldn't have done otherwise." She said with an expression as if considering her own words as she spoke them.

"Kristoff... when he fought the darkspawn and risked his life, he thought of Aura. He felt that his sacrifice was worth it to protect her... Yes... I think I understand. It still does not justify confining these creatures." Justice replied stroking the horse.

"Or mages." Elissa agreed and stroked the horse neck, not noticing Justice watching her.

* * *

**Justice**

Justice was in the library. He had taken a great enjoyment in reading and had found that it gave him a better understanding of the world. He had spent many nights with Sigrun and Elissa reading and occasionally found himself in deep discussions with them both. Tonight however he was there alone. Sitting by the fire reading a book he heard hard hurried footsteps down the hall and as he looked up watched Anders walk passed the room, obviously upset. Worried about his friend, Justice put down his book and walked out of the room, trying to find Anders. It took a while, but he finally found Anders on top of the barracks. It was night and he could only make out Anders shadow. The mage picked up something and taking a few steps forward he flung something out into the air. First a frostbolt emanated from the mage's hand, then a lightning bolt and then arcane magic. What Justice now realised to be a steel helmet was dancing through the air as Anders kept hitting it with magic over and over again. He finally conjured a large fireball and threw it with a cry. Even in midair the steel helmet melted before pouring to the ground. Justice knew that Anders was hot headed, but this level of anger was rare even for him. Anders almost fell forward resting his hands on the stone half-wall on top of the barracks. His head sloped forward, Justice had never seen anyone look so defeated. He walked closer and Anders looked at him. It was a scowl at first, but it softened as he realised it was Justice coming towards him.

"Sorry if I disturbed you. Not the most appropriate hour for target practise." Anders joked.

"Indeed, but I doubt that was you intention. What is bothering you?" Justice asked and Anders sighed.

"Nothing... It is unimportant." Anders replied with a sigh turning around and sitting on the wall.

"Clearly it wasn't." Justice replied, still standing a few feet away.

"Thank you Justice, but I'm afraid you wouldn't understand." Anders said rubbing his face and then resting his elbows on his knees.

"Perhaps you should talk to the commander, then?" Justice suggested.  
Anders gave a short almost annoyed laugh, which surprised Justice.

"No." Was the answer.

Justice felt like he should understand something from this short and unexplained answer, but the meaning seemed somewhat illusive to him. Humans were so filled with contradictions, reading them was a struggle.

"She might be able to help. She is wise, understanding, considerate and very just in her decisions... She always seems to make things easier and less difficult to overcome." Justice replied, unconsciously looking towards her window, where the light was still burning.

When he looked back at Anders, he found that the mage was observing him closely and there was almost some pity in his eyes. Anders took a deep breath and shook his head, before looking at him again seemingly with an understanding of something, which made Justice feel uncomfortable. Only he did not quite know why.

"You are in love with her." Anders stated.

"Who? Aura?" Justice asked confused.

"No, Elissa. You love her, don't you?" Anders replied.

Justice was confused for a moment and looked towards Elissa's window. He only had Kristoff's recollections of his relationship with Aura. Justice did want to experience that, but he had never thought that it was already possible. He had memories of love, but what he felt for Elissa was not as strong. His body could after all not provide him, with the signals and surges of emotion that it had Kristoff.

"I do not know... How does one know such a thing?" Justice asked looking at Anders.

Anders hesitated for a moment and looked towards Elissa's window, with something Justice could only describe as longing.

"You value their company over anyone else's. They are constantly lingering in the back of your mind and when they are in the room it feels like no one else exists." Anders explained in a way that almost seemed like a prayer.

Justice found that he recognized everything that Anders mentioned, only Justice could not feel his body responding to these emotions. And from the way Anders looked it seemed uncomfortable and undesirable. For a moment the thought of holding Elissa entered his mind, but he pushed it away. He was a spirit with no body of his own. It would not be just acting on his feelings, when he had nothing to offer her. She deserved to be loved by someone who could love her with all the passion she deserved. Justice looked at Anders closely. He, like Elissa, had been depraved of love for so long and both had lost almost everyone who cared for them.

"You love her as well." Justice stated.

"No... I can't... I shouldn't... Mages should not love." Anders insisted.

Justice had this conversation with him before. The mage was adamant about not falling in love, but to Justice it seemed like that had already happened. Justice remembered how distort Elissa had been when Anders was almost dying from his injuries. She had hidden it well, but one night Justice had seen her sit next to Anders' bed praying. Not to the Maker, but praying to Anders himself. Praying that he should not die and that he would not leave her alone. It might have just been a prayer to a friend, but Justice had seen with what tenderness she had lifted Anders' hand and kissed it. He envied that, was she ever to do that for him, he would feel nothing. The warmth he knew was hidden in her touch was something that he would ever feel. Anders on the other hand could feel it and more importantly return it. Anders was a good person and a brave person. What he had done for those children was proof of that.

"It surprises me that you were ready to risk so much for three children you did not know and yet refuse to fight for your people." Justice pointed out and Anders sighed.  
This was ever the argument between them. Justice wanting him to help his fellow mages and Anders for some reason resisting.

"Not tonight Justice." Anders groaned and rubbed his face.

"Then why were you out here?" Justice asked, wanting to know the answer to one or the other.

Anders looked at Justice and shook his head.

"You my friend are stubborn... alright you might as well know. Elissa has been invited to court and was asked to bring an escort. She asked Nathaniel to go with her." Anders sighed.

"And you were hoping she would ask you?" Justice asked.

"I don't know what I was hoping or what I thought. Perhaps I should leave." Anders said looking away from the keep.

"Has running solved any of your problems so far?" Justice asked and Anders turned looking towards her window.

"No... Only she has." He whispered.


	9. Chapter 9 Change of plans

**Change of plans**

"Justice was in love with you?!" Hawke exclaimed with disbelief.

Elissa looked at Anders with her hand covering her mouth. She looked just as shocked as the rest of the people around the table were. Love was not something they automatically would have connected to the vengeful spirit.

"I had no idea... Oh, I'm so sorry Justice. Though I must admit I am very flattered." Elissa blushed.

Anders stroked her cheek lovingly.

"He admired... admires you so much, but he wasn't seeking romantic love." Anders explained.

"A corpse... never had one of those... You don't find this... I don't know... creepy?" Isabela asked looking at Elissa.

"I don't think Justice ever meant it in a physical way. But platonic love, that doesn't bother me even the slightest bit. I could even confess reciprocating... if not for Anders' insistence to make me his." Elissa replied and looked at Anders lovingly.

Varric rubbed his forehead. The Anders he knew was in some ways vastly different from the one Elissa and Anders was currently describing. He had been so changeable it was hard not to get confused. One moment Anders seemed not to care much for anything and considered everything a game. Then the next he would change and become more like the man Varric befriended almost two years ago. Hearing about Justice was even more confusing. From what he had seen of the spirit, it was volatile and unpredictable. The way they were talking about him, especially Elissa, he seemed kind and truly good.

"Alright, so she wanted to take someone else to Denerim. I understand you not having the will to do anything about it now, but then you didn't seem to be a person who retreated around women." Varric stated.

"I didn't. It would have been the wise thing to do, but I wasn't very wise until I joined with Justice. You see the day Elissa was leaving for Denerim..." Anders continued.

* * *

**-OOO- Anders -OOO-**

"I expect all of my wardens to train in the sparring ring." Elissa had said not long after he joined the order. So there he was at the sparring ring, getting ready for training. In the beginning he loved it. It was another game and he could show off his abilities with full force. Something he had never been allowed to do in the tower. In the ring he could impress women, soldiers and fellow wardens alike. A part of him revelled in the attention and he was not a particular humble winner. Lately he had come to dislike it a little. The fought constantly, chasing darkspawn around the countryside, getting plastered in mud and blood. There was absolutely no reason, as far as Anders could see, needing to recreate it, once safely at home at the keep. The women at the keep had seen it enough not to be impressed any longer. Not that it mattered. After the incident with the maid in his room, he doubted any of them would be interested in him. Not to mention he had begun losing... a lot! And today he was sparring with Nathaniel. Handsome bloody noble. Normally he and Anders got on well together, but the annoyance Anders felt that he had been chosen to accompany Elissa to Denerim could not be fully expressed. So it was with some tension that Anders entered the ring hoping to vent some of his annoyance. Nathaniel grabbed one of the training bows and daggers, before he jumped in as well. Two ranged opponents was usually a dull affair, but for some reason people were gathering around just the same.

"So think you can take on a mage, Nathaniel?!" Anders smirked, twirling his staff.

"As if there was a reason to doubt it." Nathaniel replied drily.

"What? No real insults? I'm a mage it shouldn't be that hard." Anders grinned.

"And what exactly would the purpose be?" Nathaniel said while getting into position.

"To make it more interesting. You get on my nerves, I get on yours and then we will have a spectacular battle. You don't want to disappoint all these people, do you?" Anders chuckled.

"You are right, I do have an overwhelming desire to get you to shut up." Nathaniel smirked.

"There you go!" Anders laughed.

"That's right you sods! Piss off your territory!" Oghren rumbled from the edge of the ring.

Anders and Nathaniel looked at each other cringing their faces at the dwarf's analogy.

"Alright, on my mark you begin!" Oghren said loudly and began the countdown.

Nathaniel quickly reached for the arrows in his quiver and within seconds arrows where flying through the air. Anders created a think barrier of ice in front of him and the arrows got stuck. He then conjured a fireball and to everyone's surprise threw it directly through the ice. Nathaniel only just managed to dodge, but the fireball incinerated the quiver. Nathaniel looked at Anders who had a very satisfied grin on his face.

"Well, you little..." Nathaniel muttered under his breath.

He reached for his daggers and charged towards Anders. He slid through the mud for momentum and Anders just managed to move out of the way. Anders smiled to himself. A trick Nathaniel had picked up from Elissa, but not as skilfully applied. He cast a paralyzing glyph on Nathaniel and retreated to the other end of the ring. When Nathaniel finally was released, he charged after Anders again. Anders froze the slippery mud, making Nathaniel lost his footing and landed flat on his back. Anders walked slowly forward with a grin on his face and put his staff gently at Nathaniel's throat (who was still lying on the ground trying to regain the air that had been punched from his lungs).

"I win." Anders chuckled with satisfaction as Nathaniel groaned.

The onlookers cheered and Oghren roared with laughter.

"Andraste's blood, Anders. You're insane, you know that right?" Nathaniel groaned sitting up.

"Aw come on. If anything serious happened I could just have healed you." Anders replied and offered the rogue a hand.

Nathaniel gave a hiss as he stood up and was unable to put any weight on his right leg.

"Looks like I'll be needing your healing after all." Nathaniel growled.

"Ehm, yes... let's get you inside." Anders replied having the decency to look apologetic.  
Inside Anders helped Nathaniel to a chair in the common room and began examining him.  
"You have twisted your ankle, nothing serious. I'll just heal it and..." Anders stated trying to remove his boot.

"No, wait..." Nathaniel replied and Anders looked up at him with a questioning look.

"Why in the void not?" Anders said with a baffled expression.

"Look, I promised the Commander to accompany her to Denerim, but after what my father did... let's just say I don't imagine myself receiving a friendly welcome at court." Nathaniel explained in a low voice.

"And you are hoping that this injury will be a ticket out of it. I know what it is like to be hated, trust me I really do, but the commander is counting on you." Anders objected.

"I know..." Nathaniel sighed and then looked at Anders with a smile.

"You can go in my place." Nathaniel suggested.

"I don't think that is such a good idea." Anders replied.

He felt torn. He had never expected Elissa to take him to Denerim. He was a mage after all and things between them had been... awkward. Yet it had still bothered him when she had decided to bring Nathaniel to court. On one hand spending time with her, trying to somehow get the upper hand in this game of his would be enjoyable. On the other, it could be awkward and the last thing he ever wanted was to hurt her. He wanted to teach Elissa to take more enjoyment in the moment instead of living in the past, but somehow he was failing miserably.

"What is not a good idea?" Elissa asked coming into the room.

Anders sprung to his feet and turned to look at her. Her hair was loose and wet and even from a few feet away he could smell the vanilla scented oils she used in her bath. It made his heartbeat quicken and he almost sighed as the scent passed through his nostrils.

"I had an accident in the sparring ring. My ankle is broken and will take time to heal." Nathaniel replied.

"Actually it is, Ooof!" Anders crouched, feeling the air being knocked out of him by Nathaniel's fist.

"That's what you get from knocking me over in the sparring ring." Nathaniel replied without a hint of sympathy.

Anders' heart ached as he saw Elissa turn pale. She looked more fearful than disappointed really. No wonder. Because of Oghren's occasionally loud mouth, all the wardens now knew of her former attachment to the king. Thankfully the wardens had the common sense not to spread it to the staff and soldiers.

"Then I have to go alone." She replied starring wide eyed into the floor.

"Why don't you bring Anders? We all know the King would welcome any warden to court and at least he is not a corpse." Nathaniel suggested.

"So I rank only slightly higher than a corpse. How flattering." Anders said sarcastically.

"Would you mind terribly?" Elissa asked walking closer to him.

The look on her face was enough to undo him there and then. She could have asked him to kiss a templar looking like that and he would have no regrets. She was pleading him with those green eyes that almost turned completely black as he pupils dilated.

"Yes, alright." He answered and Elissa made a huge sigh of relief.

"Thank you. We are leaving in an hour." She replied and walked toward the door.

"Thank you, Anders. You can heal my ankle now." Nathaniel stated as Elissa had left the room.

"I don't think so." Anders replied and walked out the room.

"Anders? Anders! You did this to me! Come back! ANDERS!" Nathaniel shouted and only received Anders' snickering as a responds.

* * *

**-OOO- Elissa -OOO-**

Elissa felt nauseas. After everything that had happened between her and Alistair, she had not wanted to go to court alone. So in that moment where Nathaniel had suggested that Anders should come instead, she had accepted without thinking. Now she would be trapped between two men, to which she had a strained relationship. She cursed herself for not just have pulled away when Anders kissed her. She knew perfectly well what sort of man he was. To her he seemed no different than Zevran. And though she valued the elf's friendship dearly, she would never be able to have that kind of meaningless relationship. Anders had been taught not to have emotional relationship. He had told her as much himself. And the other day he had even confessed to the wardens being confining to him. He said he had no intentions of leaving, but Elissa didn't believe him. Yet still there were times where he seemed like a different man completely. It was like there were two men. Then one the world, the circles and the templars had taught him to be and then the person hidden underneath. It was the hidden personality she couldn't figure out. The one that was kind, good, caring, self-deprecating, passionate and a will stronger than any she had seen. The surface he had created was entertaining enough, but not that interesting to her. But there were times where she found herself falling for the hidden one. The problem was she was not entirely sure which of them was real. Which of them she could trust him to be.

They were to take a carriage from Vigil's keep to Denerim. Horseback would have been faster, but Queen Anora had ordered something from Amaranthine. Those were of course convenient for the warden-commander to bring, according to the Queen. Elissa was annoyed, but had no desire to antagonize the Queen. They had problems enough between them as it were. Sitting in the carriage Anders was sitting next her. Though she had made some distance between them and was now pressed up against the side of the carriage looking out at the countryside passing by.

"I have a question if you don't mind." Anders said looking at her.

She sighed heavily getting pulled from her thoughts and gave him a tired look, before leaning against the seat.

"If you want to." She replied with another tired sigh.

"I am curious why you asked Howe to come. You two don't exactly have the most pleasant history." He stated.

"Nathaniel has lost so much because of his father and he was not responsible for any of it. I thought bringing him to court and show that I did not blame him, both as the Hero of Ferelden and his father's greatest enemy, he might be able to rebuild something. That he and his sister would not be looked upon with such disgrace." She replied.

"Oh... that was thoughtful of you." He replied, clearly expecting a different answer.  
Elissa sighed and sat up straight.

"There is another reason..." She replied was a sad expression.

"Uh, intrigue. I knew you were hiding the good stuff from me." He teased with a smirk that made her smile.

"Well, Oghren has been less than subtle about my previous attachment to the king, but how much do you really know?" She asked looking at him.

"I know that you were lovers." He replied calmly, looking at her carefully.

"We were more than that. We were in love. The kind of love, where you would do anything just to see the other smile. It was almost ridiculous. We could be covered in blood and corpses all around us and as soon as our eyes met we would be smiling like love struck fools." Elissa chuckled.

She met Anders' eyes still smiling and though he returned it, she felt like there was something more to it. Her heartbeat quickened as she looked into his brown eyes. It was painful how much he looked like Alistair in some ways. So instead she looked after the differences. Alistair was light blonde, where Anders was more red. Anders had pale skin opposed to Alistair who was tanned. Anders' hair was long and he had stubble making him look a little rough and savage. Alistair looked very proper and noble. Elissa found herself smiling brightly being reminded of how different Anders' was to Alistair.

"What?" Anders asked with a smirk and pulled her from her daydream.

She felt herself blushing fiercely and looked away.

"Oh sorry... well anyway, in order to get enough support to end the blight Ferelden needed a new ruler, but the Landsmeet was in disagreement. Some supported Alistair and others supported Anora. Ferelden had already been through so much and after what Loghain did, stability was needed. So in the interest of Ferelden I suggested that Alistair should marry Anora." She replied looking down at the floor with a vacant stare.

"You made the man you loved marry another woman... I'm so sorry." He replied reaching for her hand.

"It's alright. As a noble I knew that the likelihood of me marrying for love was very low." She replied.

"At least you are allowed to marry. If a mage wants to marry they are usually told 'no' by the revered mother, even though it isn't forbidden." He replied with venom in his voice.

Elissa was not offended. She knew that his anger was not directed at her.

"Well, you are a warden now. You can marry anyone... If you find anyone who will have you." She giggled.

"Ha ha, very funny." He replied faking offense.

She giggled, but then her smile faded.

"What is it?" He asked almost tenderly.

"The reason I didn't want to go alone is because Alistair wants to continue our relationship."

"As his mistress." Anders replied with understanding.

"Yes, and I don't know how this sounds, but I would rather not have him at all than having to share him with someone else. I hoped that Nathaniel would make him feel uncomfortable enough to keep his distance. I know Alistair loves me, but it would be better for both of us if we moved on. He knows that as well in his heart, but every time we see each other it brings up all those feelings again... like a ghost haunting you." She said with great sadness in her voice.

She looked down at her hand, which was now tucked tenderly in between Anders'. His thumbs caressing her knuckles softly. She could feel his eyes observing her, but she didn't dare to meet them. She did not trust herself enough.

"Don't worry. I'll scare him off for you." Anders chuckled good naturedly.

"Just tell him you'll turn him into a toad. He is terrified of that." Elissa giggled.

"Hmm... as tempting as that sounds, I don't think that is a good idea. I like my head being attached to my shoulders." He grinned.

"Not to mention we would be living in the 'frogdom' of Ferelden after." Elissa looked up at him with a grin and he raised an eyebrow.

She started laughing heartily.

"I'm sorry, it was bad I know." She laughed and felt her face burning as tears fell from her eyes.

Anders chuckled, before gently taking her chin and drying her tear away with his thumb.

"Don't apologize for that. It is so rarely you laugh... it's nice to hear." He said softly.

She felt her heart drumming in her chest, before she pulled away. She couldn't allow this to continue. A part of her wanted to care for him so deeply, but she wanted the same kind of love she had with Alistair. Something true and long term. With both her and Anders being wardens it could be done. There was no one who would interfere politically, unless the Chantry became even more vigilant. But Anders was not very constant in his nature. The thought of her giving her his heart only for him to disappear, when she had become a novelty... she couldn't bear it. She still wanted the same things she did in Highever. She wanted the kind of love her parents have had. The kind where they loved each other so much, that nothing other than dying by each other's side would do.

"He broke your heart." Anders stated looking at her.

She gave a short resentful laugh.

"No, I broke it myself... and his. It is the same thing that always happens. I start thinking too much about every decision I make. Trying to make the right and noble choice. Just once I wonder what it would be like to actually throw caution to the wind and do something just because it made me happy." She replied with a sigh.

She then turned towards him with a small smile.

"Listen to me complaining. Like I was the only person in the history of Thedas, who has been disappointed in love. Besides it's not all bad. With my status as warden-commander and Hero, perhaps I can help change things for both mages and elves." She said with a smile.

Anders looked into her eyes and she felt her skin tingle, almost unable to keep his gaze. She turned from him and leaned against the carriage and looked out on the country side. The fields turned golden as the summer had almost ended and the breeze making it look like waves, as the sun reflected on it.

"Pretty as a painting." She muttered, thinking of Alistair when they had first seen Lothering. One of the many casualties during the blight. She had heard many Fereldens had fled to Kirkwall. A city known for its Tevinter origins and vigilant, almost obsessive templars.


	10. Chapter 10 Suitors

**Suitors**

Anders smiled fondly at Elissa with burning adoration in his eyes. Varric always knew that Anders was a bit of a romantic and his emotions were always right on the surface for everyone to see. Still seeing with what devotion Anders loved Elissa was unexpected. Varric wondered if the feelings for her had grown stronger after his merging with Justice. After all if both were in love with her wasn't it possible that the love could spread through him and grow out of proportion just like their hatred had? Varric chuckled at himself. Perhaps taking up romance stories wouldn't be a bad idea, but first he needed to hear this one to an end.

"You looked so beautiful that night." Anders said lovingly his gaze never leaving Elissa.  
Elissa looked away from him momentarily with a healthy blush forming on her cheeks. Then she looked back at him with a teasing scowl.

"Compared to now, where I look like an old hag?" She teased and Anders chuckled.

"Well I wouldn't have said it..." He teased back raising his arm defending the incoming slap, while Elissa growled with faked wrath. Grapping her wrist Anders pulled her close and kissed her.

"This is all so cute, but I want to hear more." Isabella encouraged.

"Alright..." Elissa replied.

* * *

**-OOO- Elissa -OOO-**

Elissa entered the room she had been granted in Denerim Castle. She looked around and smiled softly. She had gotten the most beautiful room Alistair had to offer. Nothing but the best for the Hero of Ferelden. She froze as she looked at the bed, where a single red rose was placed on the canopy bed. She grabbed hold on the bed to keep herself steady, as she held a hand on her chest. An unconscious attempt to keep her heart from breaking. They drumming of her heart dulled out any other sound. Why couldn't he just let her go? She knew why, she had changed him. That day at his sister's house, she had encouraged him to become more self-depended. She hardened him. She should never have done that. She should just have said she loved him as he was.

"The King really thinks nothing is too good for the wardens. You should see my ro..." Anders said as he entered the door she had left wide opened and stopped midsentence, when he saw the back of her.

"Room... Commander, are you alright? Are you unwell?" He asked with concern and walked up next to her.

She held back the tears forming in her eyes and turned with as bright a smile as she could manage.

"I'm fine. Just tired from the journey that's all." She replied.

"Yeah right. The woman who walks back and forth in Amaranthine killing Darkspawn without as much as breaking a sweat. And had crossed Ferelden by foot more times than I can count, suddenly gets tired after half a day's journey in a carriage." He replied sceptically and began checking her for a fever.

She chuckled a little sadly. He was sweet like this and not nearly as easily fooled as she would like. The other wardens claimed Anders was not that bright, but that wasn't true at all. He was highly intelligent, but rarely let it show. It was another of his treasures that he seemed to guard carefully. She took his hand gently and removed them from her throat and forehead.

"Anders, really, I'm fine. You don't have to coddle me." She smiled shaking her head, looking down at the floor.

Anders was about to reply, when he glanced at the bed and sudden understanding showed on his face.

"Oh, I see... Do you want me to get rid of it?" He asked softly.

"No, I'll do it myself." She said with a little anger, but it wasn't directed at him.  
She took the rose and was about to throw it into the fire, but Anders stopped her. She looked up at him with a questioning stare.

"Not like this." He told her and took the rose from her.

He walked towards the door and looked down the hall, before calling one of the servants over.

"Will you bring this back to his Majesty? Inform him that the Warden-commander is grateful, but is unable to accept it." He explained to the servant and handed her the rose.

"Of course, sir." The elf replied.

He turned to smile at Elissa and she returned it with a grateful look. His eyes then lingered on the loveseat near the fire and he called down the hall after the servant.

"And have my things moved to this room." He said loudly and in the distance she heard the servant acknowledge the request.

Elissa felt as if she was turning pale and blushing fiercely at the same time. Anders walked inside the room and closed the door. He chuckled as he looked at her, before casually jumping onto the loveseat and lay down. It was too short, with his legs dangling from the end of the couch, but he let out a sigh of contentment and folded his arms under his head.

"I think I will sleep well on this couch tonight." Anders winked as her.

He laughed as she let out a loud breath of relief. She gave him an apologetic look, before turning away from him and began unpacking. It was sweet of him to do this. Alistair would never try to convince her to take him back if he thought she had another. She felt bad that it had come to this. Alistair was very honourable, but he just didn't want to give up on her. For the longest time she had felt the same, but it was no use. Temperance and justice was her father's legacy and she would not disgrace it by becoming the King's mistress. Besides Anora had already had one husband who cheated on her constantly. She did not deserve another.

Anders' things... well, his one tiny bag was moved to the room. Elissa knew that the only reason Anders had asked the servant to do it was so that Alistair would know it had been done. It was really the easiest way to avoid a scene. Gracefully rejecting his gift and having another man stay with her. Anders really was a lot smarter than he let on. She wondered how he had been caught so many times, since a fast thinking mind like that should be able to get him out of most situations. Elissa had just taken a bath and now entered their room, her robe wrapped tightly around her not wanting to reveal any skin. Only when Anders looked at her she realised this might have been a mistake, as the drops of water went through the white silk robe and made in clung to her every form.

"I-I need to get dressed for the banquette in an hour." She explained not meeting his gaze.

"Yes, of course." Anders replied with a small smile.

This was when the door opened and in walked an antivan elf.

"My dear warden!" He exclaimed happily and with haste steps walked towards her, lifted her and twirled her around.

"Zevran!" Elissa said brightly and hugged him.

Her shyness was completely forgotten, as she greeted her old friend. Zevran pulled away and looked at her.

"Oh, and this is what you are wearing for the banquette in your honour? Scandalous!" Zevran laughed happily.

"Of course not!" She groaned slapping his shoulder, which only made him chuckle.  
Anders cleared his throat and Zevran turned to look at him.

"So this is the warden's new lover. A handsome fellow and with plenty of sex appeal I am sure." Zevran replied with a bright smile.

Anders actually looked fearful for a moment, his eyes slightly widened before rubbing his face. Elissa laughed heartily, holding Zevran's shoulder.

"Zevran is a dear friend of mine, who helped me during the blight." She explained.

"Oh, it's a pleasure to meet you. I'm Anders." Anders smiled and walked over to greet him.

"The pleasure is all mine, though I must admit I am disappointed. I thought I might have a chance at finally seducing this lovely sex-goddess, but then I am only to find she already has someone." Zevran said with a faked sigh of disappointment.

"You'll find a consolation prize soon enough." Elissa said knowingly.

"Indeed I shall." Zevran replied.

"But why do you think we are lovers?" Elissa asked.

"The whole castle is talking about the handsome man sharing the warden's quarters. I could simply not rest until I had seen it for myself." Zevran said cheerfully.

"And now you have. Now please, I would like to get dressed for tonight." Elissa requested softly.

"Oh, don't be shy my dear. I don't mind you changing." Zevran grinned.

"Out!" She growled teasingly, putting her face close to Zevran's.

"And who is going to make me, my warden?" He said coyly.

"Need I to remind you last time you confronted me, it ended with you on the ground begging me for mercy?" She said sternly, with mischief in her eyes.

"I would gladly be underneath you, while completely at your mercy." He replied in a sultry voice, leaning in as if he was about to kiss her.

And as if on cue Zevran yelped, as Anders hit him with a small lightning bolt. Elissa turned her head to the ceiling and laughed, as Zevran looked at Anders (who was smirking with satisfaction) with a startled look, before laughing as well.

"And he is a mage! You do have a fondness for those, don't you?" Zevran chuckled.

"I guess I do. Now please." Elissa requested sweetly.

"Of course my dear warden. Now, Anders was it? Let us give the lady some privacy. We would not have her think that we were some sort of perverts." Zevran replied, picking up Anders' dress robes and pushing Anders out the door.

"Too late!" Elissa smirked as they closed the door behind them.

Elissa walked over to the trunk and pulled out the gown for the evening. She smiled a little, when she realised she had picked this particular dress considering what Anders would like. She then released a breath and sat down on the bed.

"Why am I doing this to myself?" She muttered.

* * *

**-OOO- Anders -OOO-**

Zevran had let Anders to his room to change. Anders put on the dress robes and shook his head. There were so many button and strings, he wondered if there even existed a noble smart enough to put it on by themselves. He groaned in annoyance, when he realised he had buttoned the jacket almost fully before realising he had missed a button and so the jacket was skewed a bit. In frustration he opened it.

"This is why I prefer robes." He muttered under his breath.

Zevran laughed at him and the elf was already fully dressed in a dark green outfit, with a jacket reaching his knees, slightly puffed sleeves and dark brown boots.

"That suit wasn't made for you was it." Zevran chuckled.

"No, my friend Nathaniel lend it to me. Stuffy nobles." Anders groused.

"Nobles are exciting! The intrigue, the affairs, the espionage. They are extremely good for business. And not to spoil your opinion of them, but our dear warden is one if you remember." Zevran chuckled.

Anders looked up for a moment and felt slightly ashamed. He hated when people judged all mages the same, perhaps he should not generalise about the nobles.

"Yes, but she is not quite like anyone else I know." Anders replied.

Zevran nodded with a small smile as a reply. Anders turned to look at himself in the large looking glass. He was wearing a black suit with a purple shine to it and embodied with golden threads. It really was very beautiful and the fine fabric was very pleasant, but somewhere in his mind he reminded himself that mages were not supposed to look like this. Not supposed to mingle with noble and certainly not escort the most revered noble in the country to a banquette... in her honour no less. He then looked at himself. His hair pulled back in a ponytail as always and his face had a three day stubble one his face. He brought his hand to his chin and started rubbing it, wondering if he should shave.

"Don't. She likes it." Zevran commented knowingly.

"And you know what she prefers, do you?" Anders cocked an eyebrow.

"I know many things about our dear warden." Zevran said suggestively.

"She never slept with you." Anders denied with a chuckle of disbelief.

"Oh and she told you of all her conquests?" Zevran goaded.

"She doesn't have to. She is not as free as you and me." Anders replied.

Anders froze for a moment. He had actually just claimed that he was more free than she was. And in part it was true. The sacrifices she made were for others, he made sacrifices for himself. And there weren't really sacrifices as much as reckless risks.

"I must admit it was a bold idea to fake your relationship with her. It should keep the bastard King at bay." Zevran smiled.

"How did you know?" Anders asked a little disappointed looking at the elf.

"I am an assassin. Besides as you pointed out, my warden doesn't just give her heart or body away." Zevran smirked.

"**Your**warden?" Anders said with a cocked eyebrow.

"Aha! I knew you had fallen for her charms." Zevran chuckled and walked towards the door.

Anders groaned. He could deny it, but that would not help him in this situation. Not that it mattered what the elf thought. He could keep his ridiculous notion that Anders was in love with Elissa. He just couldn't love her. Everything he had been taught this far, told him that love was too risky. Worse, if he truly had fallen in love with her, he would have to leave the wardens. And for reason unknown to him (or simply one he denied) he didn't want to leave. He followed Zevran to the great hall, but before entering Zevran stopped him.

"You should wait for her here. If you are to keep up this charade you will have to accompany her." Zevran said in a low voice and Anders nodded.

Anders leaned against the wall, expecting to wait for quite some times. The girls at the tower took forever to get dressed and he assumed noble women would be worse. Once again his assumptions put him to shame as Elissa came only a few minutes after. Anders' breath caught in his throat, as his heart began racing and his mouth went dry. Her hair was curled and braided only to where her neck met her shoulders. The rest of hair her hand loose along her back. On her forehead was a golden circlet with pearl hanging between her brows. Her dress was lavender, with a deep cleavage, her shoulders and neck exposed and with golden trimming. Anders smiled as he saw that at her shoulders were a few long black feathers, covering whatever was holding the dress up. The sleeves were long and made from a see-through material, but were severed in way that made her arms move freely and the sleeves just hanging by themselves. She looked absolutely stunning. Her demeanour was shy as she approached him, her cheeks slightly flushed and her emerald eyes only meeting his for a few moments at a time. He put his hand forward as she approached him and she took it with a smile.

"You look absolutely beautiful." He uttered with a chuckle.

"You sound surprised. Not very flattering you know." She scowled mockingly, her eyes revealing she was not in the least offended.

"Are you always this bad with compliments?" He smiled.

"Yes. My mother used to call me impertinent." She chuckled a little sadly.

"But in reality you are just shy and would rather be unnoticed." He replied with understanding.

"Yes." She said in a low voice looking up at him.

As he looked down into her eyes, his hand began stroking hers fondly. His heart started beating on its own and nothing he could do would make it slow. He noticed her breathing getting heavier and her pupils dilated. When his eyes faltered, removing themselves from her gaze and focused on her lips, a burning desire to claim them once again started growing inside him. He should never have taken that kiss, as it had haunted him ever since. He was about to lean in, but the moment his eyes wavered from hers, to study her red lips, she broke the connection between them. She pulled her hand to her and looked into the ground, before she started fussing over her dress.

Anders was about to say something, when Alistair came down the hallway with Queen Anora at his side. Alistair tried to reach for Anora's hand, but she just pushed it away. Anders felt sorry for him at that moment. No wonder he wanted to be with Elissa so badly. He had married an ice queen. Knowing how Elissa felt, Anders gently took her hand and placed it in the crook of his arm. She looked up at him with a grateful smile. When Alistair approached he nearly stopped in his tracks looking at Elissa. Anders feared what was going to happen next, the king meeting his supposedly rival, but to his surprise Alistair managed a genuine smile as he came towards them. Anora smiled as well, but hers seemed more reserved. Alistair took Elissa's free hand between both of his and smiled at her.

"It's so good to see you my friend and you look beautiful." Alistair said sincerely.

"Thank you your Majesty. It's good to see you as well. And you of course my Queen." Elissa smiled.

"Dear Lady Cousland, I am glad the wardens could spare you for a short time. You look well." Anora said earnestly.

"I am thank you." Elissa replied.

Alistair's gaze turned towards Anders and Anders swallowed. He suddenly realised that it was not just any man he had made a potential rival. It was the bloody king, grey warden and the slayer of the hero of Riverdane, who also just happened to have been trained as a templar. Anders was strong, but he knew that with Alistair he might just have met his match. To his surprise however Alistair's eyes actually lit up a little.

"You are the mage we spared from the templars!" Alistair laughed and shook Anders' hand fondly.

"Indeed, I owe you and the commander a lot for that rescue." Anders admitted.

"Nonsense. Any day we get to be a thorn in the side of the Chantry and a templar is a good one." Alistair laughed and Elissa chuckled.

"You shouldn't say such things husband. We are in trouble enough as it is." Anora warned, but with a small smile on her face.

"Not because of me I hope." Elissa replied suddenly concerned.

"No... We have tried to give the circle its autonomy, seen how greatly they aided us during the blight, but the Chantry... let's just say they have been less than cooperative." Alistair sighed.

"But let us not talk of such dire things tonight. What an interesting gown." Anora commented.

"It's Tevinter in design. Not exactly proper, but I liked it." She smiled with sudden defiance.

Anders and Alistair looked at each other with a knowing glance. Outside Tevinter it was not very well looked upon to appreciate anything that came from the Imperium. But Elissa didn't care. The doors opened and Alistair and Anora went in first, with Elissa and Anders right behind them. Anders wasn't too fond of being in the spotlight. He had learned that it was where you usually got into trouble. Feeling Elissa's grip tighten slightly, he knew she felt the same. It was strange that a noble should be so reserved, but he guessed there was a great difference between being a noble and being the Hero of Ferelden.

The evening started with Elissa having to walk around to each noble family in Ferelden, it seemed. Anders was standing in the corner with a glass of wine, sparred by the heroine, so he wouldn't have to listen to idle gossip. He had been approached by some nobles, but only as they hoped it would give them a longer audience with Elissa. A pretty one named Ser Tamra had talked to him for a bit and he had been optimistic at first. Perhaps he didn't have to sleep on Elissa's couch after all. It would have been an excellent reason to retreat from this game he had begun with Elissa, before he completely lost his footing. Unfortunately, Ser Tamra was only interested in Elissa as well. So now Anders watched Elissa walking through the crowd. She was so beautiful, kind, gentle and wise. After everything she had been through she still seemed innocent and untouched somehow. How could a person go through so much and still maintain that. He thought of the way she had behaved that afternoon. He had never heard her laugh that much or seen the full extent of her mischievous nature, as when she teased Zevran. He envied the elf that he could make her do that. His heart speed up as she walked over to him with a smile on her face. The drumming of his heart frightened him, as Zevran's comment was echoing in his mind. "Run before it's too late." it screamed, as his blood rushed through him. Perhaps, if he pushed her away he could save them both from this game of his, because it was no longer just a game. She smiled at him and was about to speak, when he interrupted her.

"It's good to be revered, right? The bowing, the social climbers willing to do anything to get ahead. If you see any stray damsels in distress send them my way." He smiled and then sighed. " Ser Tamra over there has something important to speak to you about."

"Alright... Thank you." She replied a bit surprised, but walked calmly away.

It was with mixed feelings that he saw her walk away. He sighed heavily. It was not supposed to be like this. It should have been a harmless flirt and a loveaff... an affair to amuse him for a time. He was usually better at picking out his "targets", but this time he had misjudged everything. Himself and her. He was beginning to understand why Alistair had trouble letting her go and that almost left him petrified. He was so caught up in his thoughts that he didn't even realise the king was standing next to him.  
"She is something special." Alistair sighed looking in the same direction as Anders, observing Elissa.

Anders tore his gaze from her and looked at Alistair.

"Yes, she is." Anders agreed.

"I owe you an apology. Between us I have loved Elissa for almost two years and breaking up with her was one of the most difficult things I have ever done, despite... everything. So I have tried to find a way we could make it work, regardless of my situation. Even so it was wrong of me to assume she was unattached and I apologize." Alistair said seriously.

"Apology accepted." Anders replied kindly, trying to hide his surprise.

"Be good to her. Maker knows she deserves some happiness in her life." Alistair smiled a little sadly.

Anders wanted to reply, but couldn't find the words. This had been easier if the King had been a selfish and cruel bastard, but he wasn't at all. He was kind, honourable and not at all forceful in his ways. Anders felt a sting in his heart at the realisation that Elissa had fallen in love with this man. A man Anders felt he could never compare to. This was truly a good and kind man and Anders was... no longer sure who he was. He was spared and awkward pause, as Elissa came over to them smiling sweetly.

"What are two up to?"She asked narrowing her eyes.

"Us? Nothing! Nothing at all. Why would you assume such a thing?" Alistair replied.

"Indeed commander. Treating us as if we have some scheme going on." Anders feigned offense and Elissa laughed.

"I just never want to see you two drinking together. You two are equally crazy, it would be a disaster." She grinned.

"Don't tease a mage." Anders warned.

"Or a king." Alistair agreed.

"Are you two actually threatening the mighty Hero of Ferelden?" Elissa replied with faked superiority.

"Hey, just because you killed an Archdemon you don't scare me." Alistair smiled.

"Keep telling yourself that, your Majesty." A voice sounded from behind them.

They turned to see a man in his late thirties coming towards them. He had brown longish hair, a beard and looked very kind.

"Teagan! It was about bloody time." Alistair chuckled greeting him.

"I do have my duties, your Majesty. It is a pleasure to see you again Lady Cousland." Teagen replied looking at Elissa, before taking her hand and kissing it.

"And you Bann Teagan." Elissa smiled fondly.

"If I may, you look as beautiful as ever." Teagan said with admiration.

This made something twist inside Anders. The way Teagan looked at her was unmistakeable and the way Elissa blushed made it even worse. Alistair seemed oblivious however and apologized, when his wife called for him. Suddenly Anders felt like the third wheel, completely unnoticed by both Elissa and Teagan. He stood there grinding his teeth in silence.

"I understand you are still not married." Teagan began.

"Indeed I am not." Elissa replied with a shy smile.

"A crime that just gets graver with each passing day." Teagan replied.

Elissa giggled.

"A woman who have killed more opponents than most have ever met, tends to be intimidating. But you are not married either, so surely there is no rush." She offered blushing fiercely.

Anders could not believe this. He was actually standing there watching a wealthy noble and uncle of the King openly flirting with the woman **he**cared for. Holding his tongue was almost impossible, but when he finally couldn't take it anymore, they were interrupted by a woman with short red hair.

"Leilianna!" Elissa said with a big smile and hugged her.

"Elissa, it's so good to see you again my friend." Lelianna said fondly.  
Elissa pulled away.

"You know Bann Teagan of course and this is Anders, my most trusted warden and healer." Elissa replied gesturing to him.

They were approached by another noble, reminding Elissa of her promise to dance with him. She looked back at them and apologized, before being led to the dance floor. Teagan looked at Elissa with longing eyes and Anders could feel his grip on his glass tightening, before he took a sip of it.

"Why don't just ask her?" Leilianna asked Teagan.

"I care deeply for her. I just haven't found the courage to tell her yet. She is so young and after everything with Alistair..." Teagan sighed.

"She likes you very much and I have observed Alistair and Elissa together. What happened between them was real, but it has long since passed now. As for the age, it is only fifteen years. More unequal matches are made every day." Lelianna argued.

On that note Anders walked away fearing for the consequences. What was the man thinking, when he was so much older than her. Anders refused to believe it was jealousy his was feeling. It was simply concern for a woman who had already been broken. He then saw Elissa running through the crowd and wrapping her arms around the neck of a man with dark brown hair.

"Perfect! Could this evening get any better?!" Anders growled sarcastically to himself.  
Elissa then walked over to him, clinging to the man's arm with a bright smile on her face.

"Anders, this is my brother Fergus. Fergus, this is Anders." Elissa introduced.

"So you are the mage she keeps mentioning in her letters. She wrote to me about how you saved those children. It is truly an honour to meet you." Fergus said shaking his hand warmly.

"Well, thank you. I'm afraid I know almost nothing of you." Anders replied, almost unable to hide his relief.

"Well a part from him filling my bed with frogs as a child, there isn't much to tell." Elissa giggled.

"Only after you filled mine with worms, dear sister." Fergus laughed.  
Another noble called for Elissa.

"I'm sorry. Fergus, don't go anywhere. Anders, you'll keep an eye on him." Elissa smiled before kissing her brother's cheek and venturing towards the dance floor once more.

"It's good to see her smile again. Last I saw her I was afraid I would never see it again." Fergus said with a little worry in his voice.

"She was much dampened in spirit, when I first met her. I'm glad it has changed for the better... That reminds me, would you do me a favour? It's for Elissa." Anders asked.

"Of course." Fergus replied.

* * *

_Author's note:  
I have a lot of cameos in this chapter, so I hope you felt I did them justice. I hope you enjoyed this chapter. If you are curious about what Elissa's dress looks like, then it is inspired by WhitethornWolf's Eilin VI (just remove the spaces in the link below).  
_

_ whitethornwolf. deviantart gallery/38610097#/d5draij_


	11. Chapter 11 Gifts

**Gifts**

Hawke burst out laughing, slamming his fist in the table, while Varric, Elissa and Isabella chuckled, more at Hawke than anything else.

"What is so funny?" Anders asked crossing his arms.

"I can just imagine you being all suave and seductive and then there is no end of men trying to get in your way. You must have been raging like when you see a templar!" Hawke dried his eyes.

"Tell me about it. I wanted to incinerate half the room with a fireball." Anders said darkly.

"Only half?" Elissa asked raising an eyebrow.

"I was counting on the other half getting the idea after I burned the most of them to a crisp." Anders smirked.

"Poor Anders! That must have been so horrible for you! But surely you knew she liked. Didn't she give you Ser Pounce Alot after all?" Merrill asked.

"She did... blighted Orlisian warden!" Anders hissed.

"Stroud made you get rid of him? I thought you had just left him behind." Elissa asked and Anders nodded.

Elissa took his hand and her face was filled with guilt. If only she hadn't left when she did. She should have stayed. She then smiled brightly at him before kissing him and getting up. She walked towards the door and they all looked at her.

"Where are you going, love?" Anders asked confused.

"You'll see. Just stay put." She smiled and walked out the door.

A shadow came sneaking around the corner.

"Oh, no!" Anders uttered, but it was too late.

In the door came a big black mabari jumping towards Anders with a tongue hanging out, its tail wagging and a happy expression. It jumped onto Anders making him fall back on the floor and licking his face. Hawke, Isabella, Varric and Merrill laughed at the sight.

"Animus down! You slobbering disgrace of a moving rug!" Anders groused, but the dog just kept licking him and gave an enthusiastic bark.

The dog finally got of him and sat between his legs on the floor, his tail wagging happily. Anders groaned before sitting up and patted the dog on the head.

"Yeah, I missed you too you dumb mutt." Anders grumbled with a smile.

"You shouldn't speak to my loving dog that way." Elissa said sternly.

Anders looked up at his wife standing in the doorway and a bright smile formed on his lips. She was holding a red tabby cat with an unmistakeable bell-collar. Anders quickly got to his feet and walked over to her.

"You brought him?" He asked with disbelief.

"Of course I brought him." Elissa smiled.

Anders reached for the cat and held it fondly in his arms.

"Well, hello Ser-Pounce-A-Lot. Did you miss me? Yes, you did." Anders cooed like to a baby.

Elissa sat down as the others roared with laughter looking at the mage, who didn't even care the slightest bit. Anders sat down next to Elissa as he kept fondling the animal. Elissa looked at the cat and then up at Anders.

"You know, I think he missed the cat more than he did me." She stated raising an eyebrow.

"I think you might be right." Hawke chuckled.

"Of course not." Anders insisted and gave Elissa a kiss.

Merrill moved over next to Anders and petted the cat and dog both.

"He is adorable, Anders. Not as cute as your daughter though. Not that they should be compared." Merrill said looking down at the dog whining as well.

"Oh, did I forget you? Well, I'm sorry. You are a cutie too." Merrill cooed and Animus gave a happy bark.

"This has to be the silliest thing I have ever seen." Isabella noted looking at Anders, who scowled back at her.

"Indeed. I can't even put this in a story. No one would believe it." Varric complained with a chuckle.

"Elissa, would you mind telling us the story of how you gave Anders the cat? We have heard so much about him, I would love to hear it." Merrill requested.

"Funny he should talk that much of a cat and fail to mention me." Elissa noted and Anders sighed looking very shameful.

There was so much still unsaid between them and it was going to take a while. They would have to talk later, after all this. But this couldn't wait, so Anders handed Merrill the cat and turned to Elissa.

"It's not that I didn't think of you. I did. Constantly. It was just too painful, knowing what I had become. Thinking that you must have hated me after what I did. I must have written the first thousand letters that I never send. I love you so much and I couldn't bear the thought of you hating me. As long as I kept from contacting you, I had avoided knowing for sure if you did. If I mentioned you it would all have become... too real." Anders explained with a heavy heart.

Elissa looked at him with a softened expression and lifted his chin to look at him.

"I love you." She whispered.

Anders smiled softly and pulled her into his embrace.

"I love you too." He whispered in her ear.

When they pulled away Elissa dried a tear from her eye.

"Alright you wanted to hear about Ser Pounce A Lot. Do you want to tell it or should I?" Elissa asked looking at Anders.

"I'll take it from here." Anders replied.

* * *

**-OOO- Anders -OOO-**

The evening was moving painfully slow for Anders, as he had to see one man after the other dance with Elissa, while he was reduced to an ornament in the corner. He had of course decided not give in to his growing feelings for her, but this had nothing to do with it. His feelings had nothing to do with him turning away every woman, who seemed interested in him. Nothing to do with the way he watched her. And it had absolutely nothing to do with the way Bann Teagan had openly flirted with her. He was merely being... watchful. Ser Tamra had after all warned that there was a plan in place to assassinate Elissa. And that was of course the only reason why he interrupted, when he saw Alistair about to ask her to dance as well.

"Forgive me your Majesty, but I think I deserve to dance with my commander. " Anders interrupted.

"Yes... of course. Be careful she has a tendency lose the integrity of her corset." Alistair smirked and Anders could absolutely **not** feel his blood racing with jealousy, because the king knew something so intimate about her. And under no circumstances did his heart ache at the sight of her blushing, while Alistair's eyes simmered.

"Come Ellie, love." Anders smiled and took her hand.

He was tempted to gloat at Alistair's face as the word "love" seemed to hit him. Leading her around the dance floor Anders was thankful, that some of the mages in the tower had come from noble families. They had taught the others how to dance. One of the few things they could do for amusement without the templars objecting. He felt a sense of satisfaction as people looked at him with Elissa in his arms. His mind not registering, how possessive he was acting towards her. It wasn't until he looked down at her he noticed something sad in her eyes.

"Have I done something wrong?" He asked, his heart stopping.

"No. It's just... no one has called me Ellie since father died." She smiled sadly.

"I'm sorry. Am I making you uncomfortable?" He asked carefully.

"I didn't say that." She smiled with a blush, which instantly made his heart beat again.

* * *

Anders had been awake for a while now and had turned on his stomach on the couch, looking over to the bed where Elissa slept. She was so beautiful and for the moment she was sleeping peacefully. He had thought his darkspawn nightmares had been bad, but it was nothing compared to hers. She had warned him that hers would be worse, because she had joined during a blight. He must have jinxed it by thinking like that, because he had no sooner appreciated her peaceful form, before she began thrashing like mad. She had told him she had become accustomed to the nightmares and didn't wake from them anymore. From the sounds she made Anders actually believed it was a curse that she couldn't wake. When he saw the sunlight reflecting in a tear on her cheek, he couldn't take it anymore. He walked over next to the large bed. Her thrashing had made her lie in the middle of the bed and to reach her he was forced to crawl up onto it. He sat up next to her and stroked her hair softly. He had done this so many times in the circle. Young apprentices who had recently been taking from their families or elder ones who had become some templars recent plaything. It was the comfort that might as well have been provided by a brother.

Softly he dried her tears with his thumb. He let some healing magic emanate from his hand as he stroked her shoulder, trying to make her relax or at least wake her gently. In her sleep she turned and wrapped her arm around his waist. His breath hitch in his throat, when she made the slightest attempt to pull him closer and get him to lie down. He shouldn't do it, but as something like a whined plea came from her lips, no force in Thedas could stop him. He rested down on his side next to her placing both hands under his head, anything to keep him from embracing her. She moved a little closer, her hand travelling along the small of his back. Anders wondered if the Maker would strike him down if he pulled her closer. Her breathing became less rapid, tears stopped falling and her tense body calmed. He heard her sigh a name in such a low voice he barely heard it. His heart wrenched, believing he heard Alistair's name on her lips. Again she hummed the name and he tried not to pay attention. She moved closer her lower body almost pressed against his and her head inches away. He reached out to remove the stray hairs from her face letting the smallest amount of healing caress her skin. Beyond curing diseases and healing injuries, healing had this calming effect.

"Anders..." She sighed.

His heart stopped and doubt entered his mind. Had it been his name she had been sighing all along? He could have misheard earlier, but there was not a hint of doubt that it was his name that had spilled from her lips that time. He withdrew his hand and couldn't help but smile. His fearless leader was sleeping next to him and letting him see the best kept secret in all of Ferelden. Their mighty hero was soft, warm and blissfully content to be vulnerable in his presence.

An hour passed of him just watching her and finally her eyes fluttered open. She yawned and stretched at first not noticing anything amiss and he couldn't help but smile. She then paused in the middle of her stretch and looked directly at him for a moment.

"Well good morning Anders. Not as comfortable on the couch as you claimed to be?" She smirked, for once not shy at all.

"I'm a sleepwalker." He shrugged with a grin and she gave a short laugh telling him she didn't believe him.

"So, what do you have planned today, while I will be dragged back and forth between the nobles at the landsmeet?" She asked getting out of bed, skilfully getting dressed while keeping her nightdress on.

"Well, there is this place called the Pearl." He said nonchalantly.

She turned and cocked an eyebrow.

"You are going to the brothel?" She grinned.

"You know what it is? My dear lady you surprise me!" He laughed.

"Nothing like that. I was helping the city guard and was pursuing some nobles. Besides look at me. It's not like I need to pay people for sex." She winked mischievously.

"And I do?" He chuckled.

"Apparently so." She laughed and dodged a pillow he threw after her.

"So what are you doing, really?" She asked seriously.

"Why such interest?" He smiled.

"Because if some trouble arises or if a templar should forget that Grey Wardens are not to be touched, I will have a place to start if you don't come back." She replied with her back turned, pulling of her nightdress and allowing him to see her bare back and see her breast band.

His heart leaped and he was not sure if it was because of her concern for him or the fact that she was standing partly naked before him. It would be so easy just to turn her around and claim her lips. A groan almost escaped him remembering the kiss he had stolen weeks ago. He collected himself.

"What I said was partly true. I am going to the alienage to look up a friend of mine. If she isn't there I am going to see if she is at the Pearl." He replied reaching for his own clothes.

"Exactly what does this "friend" do?" She smirked, but it didn't seem entirely sincere.

"She is a thief and swindler. Not to mention an expert in shanking card games." He explained with a chuckle.

"She wouldn't happen to be called Isabella, would she?" She asked.

* * *

"Oh I got mentioned!" Isabella exclaimed happily.

"Shh, Rivani. Let them continue." Varric shushed.

"Spoil sport!" Isabella complained.

"Anyway..." Anders continued.

* * *

"No, but I get the feeling that you know much more about this brothel than you let on. How many men or women did our lovely commander conquer during the blight?" He chuckled.

"Only one man and that is during all time, not just the blight." She replied calmly and walked out the door without looking at him.

Anders groaned and let himself fall back on the bed. He was finally making progress with her and then he began insinuating that she slept with whores and visit brothels. Not to mention he confessed that he had! What was wrong with him? She was a young noble woman, not a commoner. Of course she would never look at it as he did. Hopefully what he had planned for the afternoon would make it better.

* * *

**-OOO- Elissa -OOO-**

It had been a looooong day and she was tired even though it was only late afternoon. Thankfully the palace gardens were mostly empty and she could enjoy the warmth of the late summer. She sat down on the edge of a large fountain filled with water lilies and fish. She opened the flask of white wine and poured some into a glass, before taking a sip and placing the bottle in the fountain to keep it cool. She then laid down on the edge with her nose turned towards the sky and closed her smiling as the sun warmed her skin. Hopefully she could forget everything about that awful morning with Anders. It had started well enough, though she had been surprised to see him lying beside her, but he then made it painfully obvious that he was exactly what he seemed to be. A charmer who didn't care much for who he shared his bed with. "He probably even keeps score. I was probably just supposed to be another trophy. Bastard!" She thought to herself. But just as she had decided to let go of this fancy for him, she heard a familiar bark behind her. She sat up and turned as a large black mabari came running towards her.

"Animus!" She said happily and sat down on her knees to greet the dog.

"I will never understand dog people." She heard Anders chuckle and looked up.

"Where did you come from boy?" She asked the dog.

The dog gave a happy bark and jumped around Anders before running back to her.

"You brought him?" She asked with astonishment.

"Yes. I know you missed him so I went to the kennels before I came back here. I am to tell you, he is now the proud father of three healthy litters." He smiled.

"How did you get them to release him to you?"

"Your brother signed a letter with the Cousland seal and I might have told a white lie about being your fiancé. Apparently they were convinced, when your hound sniffed me and how did they out it? 'I was carrying your scent?'" He chuckled.

"Thanks to you sneaking into my bed." She teased and then looked at him. "Thank you, Anders. This means a lot to me."

"You're welcome." He replied and sat down on the fountain stroking the hounds back.

"You know I had a cat once. Mister Wiggums. Well, he wasn't **my** cat he was the towers mouser, but he took a liking to me. There were days where that stupid cat was the only person I saw. Except from him not being a person. Still, I liked him. Poor Mr. Wiggums." He said with a frown.

"Why poor Mr. Wiggums?" She asked sitting down next to him.

"He became possessed by a rage demon – but he did take out three templars. I was never more proud." He replied with the pride clearly showing.

"Figures you would train a cat to kill templars." She laughed.

"I didn't train him. You can't train a cat." He objected shaking his head.

"And that is why I love my Animus." She smiled brightly and the dog gave a happy bark.

"He is just a slobbering rug." Anders argued and the dog gave a whine.

"That so? Animus, if you ever see any templars after Anders you are to protect him from them, got it?" She instructed the dog.

Animus gave a bark in agreement and started patrolling the area to look if anyone was suspicious. When satisfied he sat down and watched the area closely. Elissa smiled at Anders.

"See?" She smiled.

"Alright I guess he has his uses. I might even like him, if I ever see him take down a templar." He concluded.

Elissa poured another glass of wine and handed it to Anders.

"A toast to Mr. Wiggums. May he forever chase mice in the fade." Anders smiled and raised his glass.

Elissa smiled and as she felt a blush she turned her head. What was it with him? Every time she had decided what he was like, he did something like this.

* * *

It had been two days since Anders and Elissa returned to the keep and she was in her office going over documents, she had just received from Wiesshaupt. She heard a snoring sound and smiled as she saw Animus sleeping in front of the fireplace. She couldn't believe that Anders actually did that for her. She turned to the window and looked down into the sparring ring, where Anders was currently duelling Justice. She wanted to do something nice for him as well. Then she remembered him talking about Mr. Wiggums. She ran out the door and out through the gates passing the sparring ring.

"Where is the fire?" Anders teased as she ran passed them.

"Where are you going commander?" Justice asked.

"To a farm nearby. I'll be back shortly." She replied.

An hour later she returned and went to Anders quarters, knowing his sparring session would have been over by then. She knocked on his door and swallowed when he opened. His chest was bare and covered with pearls of sweat and his blonde hair loose. She could have hit herself. Of course he was going to get ready for a bath after sparring for over an hour. Anders looked momentarily surprised, but it faded as she blushed and a knowing smile formed on his lips. His expression changed when a small sound came from the basket she was holding. Elissa sighed with relief that his attention was off her. She smiled and lifted the basket.

"I have something for you." She smiled and walked passed him into his room and placed the basket on his desk.

He opened it and smiled widely as he picked up the red tabby kitten.

"Oh look at the cute little kitty!" He said in cooing voice that made Elissa laugh.

"He looks like Mr. Wiggums—but I don't know if I should keep him. We get into some dangerous scraps." He said with sudden concern.

"He can stay here at the keep. Keep your bed warm and fill it with cat hair." She teased and Anders smirked.

"I suppose—well I'll keep him just for a while. Until I find somewhere safer. Is that alright with you kitty?" He cooed again and Elissa had to bite down on her lip hard not to laugh.

"I'll call you Ser-Pounce-A-Lot! You can stay in my pack! Just for a little while, yes." Anders smiled.

"Well, I'll leave you two alone." Elissa teased and walked towards the door.

"Comm... Ellie?" She heard his voice call and turned to face him.

"Thank you." He said seriously, still holding the kitten.

"Don't mention it." She replied and walked out the door her heart beating fast.

* * *

**-OOO- Justice -OOO-**

Justice was patrolling the ramparts that evening, when he heard a familiar laugh. Elissa's laugh. It was like melody more beautiful than anything in the world and sometimes it felt as if her voice sung to him like lyrium did. He walked over to the ladder hoping to catch her, but stopped in his tracks. She was walking towards the gates with Anders, her hound and his cat following them. She looked so happy and he loved how Anders managed to bring it forth in her. But somehow it also gave him great sadness and he was not sure why. He was about to walk away, when she called his name.

"Justice! I have something for you." She called with excitement in her voice.

Curious Justice walked down the ladder and as he got closer to her he was feeling – apprehensive. She took his hand when he got close. It still surprised him that she didn't seemed repulsed by him. Not that he would blame her if she did. She placed something in his hand and he could hear the singing of lyrium.

"What is that sound? Such beautiful singing. The stone within this ring... it is lyrium." He said in awe.

"It is." She smiled brightly... happily.

"You found it! Just like I asked of you. I am most grateful." He said with an emotion, he had been unsure if he could posses.

He was even more astonished when she gently pulled of his glove and put the ring on him. Again not offended by his frozen, but rotten flesh. She was not like any other mortal in the world.

"You're welcome." She smiled and returned his glove to him.

"Of all the things I have seen in this world, this is the most precious. I shall keep it as a reminder that even in misfortune, good can be found." He replied and suddenly felt that it applied not only to the ring, but her as well.

"Indeed. Anders and I are about to take an evening walk and enjoy the sunset. Won't you join us?" She smiled.

"I wouldn't want to intrude..." He replied feeling strangely conflicted about accepting the offer or not.

"You are not intruding, because I invited you. Isn't the right, Anders?" Elissa replied and Justice couldn't help but feel touched by her kindness.

"Come on Justice. Perhaps you can teach this overgrown furball about the injustice of stealing food from some ones backpack." Anders scowled at the dog, who whined.

Elissa laughed and wrapped her arm in Justice's. He looked down at her, not sure why she seemed so mesmerising.

"It's a beautiful sunset and no one can appreciate as well as you can." She said softly.

"Then I'll join you." He replied and walked with them out the gate.

It had been a most delightful evening for him. Listening to Elissa talk, not just complaining about the injustices of the world, but her ideas of righting them. How she hoped that the wardens in Ferelden could become an example of equality to the rest of the country. She was so idealistic and passionate, but still maintained such temperance. No, she was indeed not like any other in the world.


	12. Chapter 12 Jealousy

**Jealousy**

"I have never seen anyone that ridiculous while fondling a cat. No offense Anders, but I think I understand why the warden said it made you soft. I'm surprised the darkspawn didn't die from laughter." Hawke chuckled looking at his friend.

"Touch my cat and I will make your mutt suffer." Anders warned with faked anger.

Animus howled and Anders looked down at him.

"Not you. His mabari." Anders replied and pointed at Hawke.

"Oh, I think it's cute to see Anders with his cat. Makes him seem less grumpy." Merrill smiled petting the cat again.

"Brilliant! We'll just bring a cat a long every time we deal with mages and it will keep the abominations in check." A voice said with dry sarcasm from the doorway.

Elissa turned her head and saw an elf covered in white tattoos look at them. Anders and the elf exchange icy glances as Anders said.

"I am not an abomination."

"So you keep saying, but all evidence to the contrary." The elf said coldly.

Animus got up and starred at the elf growling fiercely. The elf's eyes widened a bit, but he held his ground.

"Easy boy. You can't eat him." Elissa hushed the dog.

"Yet." Anders added and the dog sat right next to Anders ready to protect him from the elf.

"And who is this, my husband and dog seem to want for a midnight snack? I apologize on their behalf. I have tried teaching them manners, but a woman can only do so much." Elissa smirked and put her hand forward to greet Fenris.

Fenris widened his eyes again and kept looking back and forth between Anders and Elissa.

"My name is Fenris and did I hear correctly. The abomination is... married?" Fenris said unable to hide his astonishment.

"Now I think I understand... I don't know of any abomination's that are married, but Anders is. I'm Elissa. I take it you are a friend of Hawke's?" Elissa enquired, sitting down next to Anders and holding his hand.

She smiled when he brought it to his lips and kissed it softly.

"He is. And try to overlook his broodiness. He is alright when you get passed the venom." Hawke chuckled and gestured for Fenris to sit down.

"I appreciate your embellishments, but I do not have venom." Fenris insisted closing the door and sitting down.

"Come now. If you spewed any more of that stuff I'd say you were related to wyverns." Varric replied.

Fenris groaned grabbing a mug of wine.

"Have you even told her what you are?" Fenris spat at Anders.

"I know about Justice, yes. I knew Justice before they merged and I have known of other mages who have been possessed like he has. Not to mention seeing my fair share of malificar and abominations." Elissa replied.

"And yet you stay married to one?" Fenris asked raising an eyebrow.

Elissa took Anders' hand and calmed him. She knew how Justice reacted to be called a demon, this was not any better.

"My point is that I know what an abomination is and Anders isn't one." Elissa replied firmly.

"Very reassuring." Fenris scoffed.

"You know, Fenris, Elissa actually took down a whole branch of tevinter mages and slavers, kidnapping elves from the alienage in Denerim." Isabella clarified.

Fenris looked at Elissa with surprise.

"You did the right thing. Most people would have turned I blind eye." Fenris said bowing his head slightly in respect.

"My wife, always does what is noble, right and merciful." Anders said fondly.

"To bad she could not make you do the same." Fenris scoffed drily.

"I'm sorry for what you have suffered. Seeing what those elves in Denerim went through I can only imagine. But if this is about who is to blame for Justice and Anders merging, then you can blame me." Elissa said calmly.

"Love, don't. You weren't there." Anders said softly.

"But I gave you the idea." Elissa smiled kindly stroking his cheek.

"What do you mean?" Merrill asked and they all looked at Elissa with great interest.

"Alright, well about a week after we returned from Denerim..." Elissa began.

* * *

**-OOO- Elissa -OOO-**

Elissa was standing by her window and listening to the conversation beneath it. Justice and Anders were talking about Ser-Pounce-A-Lot. Justice was complaining that the cat lacked freedom and Anders tried to educate the spirit in what it meant to have a pet.

"I don't hear you complaining about Ellie...eeh... I mean the commander, and her dog." Anders argued.

"The commander and her dog have a symbiosis, a friendship. The dog follows her because it wants to. Your cat is confined within your pack." Justice replied.

"You're impossible!" Anders exclaimed in annoyance.

Elissa had to bite her tongue to keep herself from chuckling. She also wanted to keep her heart from beating so fast, as she had not failed to notice Anders using his nickname for her. His nickname? When did that name become his? It knocked on the door and one of the maids came in with her breakfast and placed it on the table.

"Annabel?" Elissa asked.

"Yes, commander. Is there anything I can do for you?" Annabel, the servant, asked.

"Do you know if Anders has been... friendly with any of the servants here at the keep? I just don't want any complications between my wardens and staff." Elissa replied, desperately hoping she wasn't being too obvious.

"Not as far as I know, my lady. If I may speak freely?" Annabel replied.

"Certainly." Elissa replied with a soft smile.

"He has been known to flirt with some of the girls in the kitchen, but it has never gone any further. The rumour is that he in love with you, my lady." Annabel clarified, trying to hide a smile.

"With me?" Elissa asked astonished, her heart beating painfully in her chest.

"Yes my lady."

"That will be all and I hope I can count on this conversation to remain private." Elissa said firmly.

"Of course, Commander." Annabel replied, again trying to hide the giggle forming in the back of her throat.

Elissa sighed. Asking the servant about Anders behaviour had not been as subtle as she had intended. What was the matter with her? She was a rogue after all. She was supposed to be cunning and subtle, not stumbling into things like an ogre. She let out a small frustrated growl and walked back to the window. She smiled as she looked at Justice walking around the courtyard. He would appreciate the most simple things and realise their beauty. She felt a sudden sadness, as Justice appreciated one of the rose bushes. Being trapped inside that corpse he couldn't actually smell the scent of it. Never feel the warmth of a fire or taste the sweetness of fruit. Her heart ached even as the spirit seemed oblivious to what he was missing.

"Spying on us, commander?" She heard Anders' voice say, behind her and she jumped.

She turned with a heavy breath and swatted his arm, when he gave a smug grin.

"I thought you were supposed to be the sneaky one." He chuckled.

"In my defence you have made seven prison escapes, I have only made one." She replied with a faked scowl, but despite it he realises something amiss.

"What's the matter?" He asked with concern.

"Justice." She replied simply and looked down at the spirit again.

"He is missing out on so much and he is stuck here. Is that really the only future for him, to travel around Thedas jumping from corpse to corpse and seeking injustices to right?" She said solemnly.

"Hmm... I think to him it might not seem quite so sad. It is what he is after all." Anders replied.

"Yes, for now. But what when that excitement fades? You saw how he looked at that widow. He deserves that as much as anyone else." She sighed.

Anders smiled at her and reached to put on of her curls behind her ear.

"Sometimes I forgot just how observant and caring you are." He said softly.

"Really? Very flattering." She teased to hide her shyness.

"Well, I have seen the way you slaughter Dark Spawn. You are not exactly a gentle flower." He smiled.

"Alistair used to say that too. Come, the Wending Woods await." She replied and walked out the door and she swore she could hear him curse something under his breath.

* * *

Elissa was running up to the Dalish camp with Justice, Anders and Animus right behind her.

"I can't believe she killed all those people over a misunderstanding. We **have** to stop her! Tell her she is wrong." Anders said running next to her.

He had been as horrified as Elissa when they found out from a dying man that an elf had killed so many men over a misunderstanding, created by the dark spawn no less.

"I know and we will." Elissa agreed as they got to the top.

Elissa stopped in her tracks and walked calmly up to the elf and tried to explain the misunderstanding. She looked shocked and with a mournful expression looked down on the graves of her clan mates.

"Why would the darkspawn do this?" The elf said horrified.

"I don't know, but I intend to find out." Elissa replied.

"They took my sister Seranni, I **need** to find her." Velanna insisted.

"Then I will help you find her." Elissa replied.

"You? You want to find Seranni? Why?" The elf said with distrust.

"The dark spawn are up to something and I have to find out what that is. If they took your sister there must be a reason. Our goal is the same." Elissa replied and begged in silence that her sister had not been turned into a broodmother.

"This elf needs to be brought to justice. Why should we assist her at all?" Justice argued.

"Because she's a looker. What do you think her sister is like?" Anders replied with a whistle at the end.

Elissa gave him a scowl over her shoulder and Anders cleared his throat.

"I mean, dark spawn bad. Grrr..." Anders replied with a faint blush.

Elissa ignored Anders and walked over to Justice and gently took his hand.

"She has lost her sister and all who she considered family. And you know what might happen to her sister. There is no punishment we can give her that would even compare. With us she might be able to do penance instead. There is death enough without me adding to it." Elissa explained in a low soft voice.

"I understand. I should not have questioned you." He said a little shyly looking at the hand she was still holding.

"You had every right to question. Thank you for understanding." She smiled and felt herself blushing realising she was still holding his hand.

She ignored the look Anders gave her and walked back towards the elf.

"I am Velanna, if you care for such things." The elf said, giving Elissa a curious look.

"I'm Elissa. This is Justice and Anders. And this is Animus." Elissa smile and nuzzled the dog's ear.

* * *

**-OOO- Justice -OOO-**

Justice sat in the cell and looked over at the commander who was still unconscious. The fiend that called himself the Architect had experimented on her. His gaze then turned towards the vengeful elf called Velanna. Despite his claim that justice needed to be served the commander had spared her. Despite the many innocent lives the elf had taken over a misunderstanding, she had still shown her mercy. Elissa had suggested that Velanna should seek penance, but Justice doubted it would be easy to convince her. But if it would please Elissa he would try.

Anders was sitting next to Elissa, watching her carefully as he stroked her hair. There was so much tenderness in the way he treated her, especially in situations where she wasn't aware, Justice had noticed. He wondered why Anders was so changeable around Elissa. One moment he was honest and caring and the next he would act as if nothing mattered. Justice had also noticed the burning fury in Elissa's eyes when Anders had noticed Velanna's appearance. What did he hope to accomplish by it? Elissa stirred and sat up holding a hand on her head, obviously in pain. Anders healed her immediately and looked at her with a soft gaze. Animus jumped up and ran to his mistress.

"Are you alright?" Anders asked with deep concern.

"Just wonderful, thank you. How about you? Did they harm any of you?" Elissa asked looking at Justice and Velanna.

"We are well commander." Justice replied and she gave him a soft smile.

"We won't remain so if we don't get out of here." Velanna replied looking at the bars.

"Right, maybe I can pick the lock." Elissa replied and stood up walking towards the gate.

Justice looked at Anders who looked after Elissa with both longing and hurt in his eyes. He then got up and walked over to Velanna who was trying to reach a spear up against the wall outside the cell. Anders gently moved her and tried to reach it himself. Velanna crossed her arms and looked at him with disapproval. Anders seemed to find this amusing, but Justice had no idea why.

"Have I ever told you that I find tattoos on women incredibly attractive?" Anders said teasingly, with a smirk and Justice could see Elissa tense a little.

"Have I ever told you that I find most humans physically and morally repulsive?" Velanna replied coldly.

"Good to know!" Anders laughed in his carefree way.

Velanna groaned and walked over to Elissa.

"How do you tolerate his nonsense?" Velanna groused.

"Patience and it helps that he can cure a headache, when is so good at causing them." Elissa replied in an indifferent manner.

"Hey, that was uncalled for." Anders objected, but it went unnoticed.

Justice wondered why they certainly seemed so intent on upsetting each other. Though Anders had not exactly behaved in a gentleman like manner and Justice wondered what had upset him.

"Velanna can you freeze the lock?" Elissa requested.

Velanna did as Elissa asked. Elissa kicked the door open and the lock, weakened by the cold, shattered.

"I could have done that you know." Anders noted.

Once again the mage was ignored and they began to find their way out of the dungeon.

* * *

They had finally managed to get out of the dungeon and had killed two dragons and a lot of Dark Spawn. In addition Elissa had collected a lot of information on the Architect, which hopefully would prove useful. Elissa and Anders were hardly talking and Justice thought their behaviour odd. Justice knew of jealousy, but why Anders would willingly create this feeling in Elissa was beyond him. It didn't seem righteous at all. Justice looked towards the sky and couldn't help but smile.

"It seems you actually like this world." Velenna said with astonishment.

**"**I do. I have had experiences I cannot even begin to explain." Justice replied, briefly looking at Elissa.

**"**A pity that you'll soon fall apart." Velanna replied drily.

**"**I could find and inhabit another corpse. A female body might offer a different perspective, wouldn't you think? " Justice replied and he noticed Elissa giving a small movement she did, whenever she was holding back a laugh.

**"**If I die in your presence, you stay away from my body, you hear me?" Velanna said sternly.

"Your objection is noted." Justice replied unbothered by her rude nature.

Elissa walked up beside him and smiled.

"Don't worry, Justice. If a fall you can have my body." She smiled and he felt something inside him ache.

The thought of her not being in the world was unbearable. The feelings Aura had when she found out Kristoff had died, to feel them himself—he was not certain he could contain it. His eyes briefly met Anders' and he saw his own fears echoing in the mage.

"You wouldn't find that disturbing?" Velanna asked with a curious expression.

"Why? I would be dead. It would be nice knowing that there could be some purpose to it after. I'll even try to aim for being just brain dead." She said cheerfully.

Justice found death disturbing, to hear talk about her own death so calmly.

"What is the difference?" Justice asked looking at Anders.

"When you are brain dead, the body is still technically alive, but the soul is gone. And you have given this far too much thought, Commander." Anders said a little sternly, but his concern evident.

"I have just been talking to Sigurn." Elissa shrugged.

Justice found himself placing a hand on her shoulder and turning her towards him.

"It would be of very little comfort to me having a live body, if it means losing you to gain it." Justice said seriously.

And something happened he would never have thought possible. Her cheeks gained colour, her pupils dilated, her pulse went up and her breathing slightly heavier. It was such a faint change, but Justice saw all of it. It was the same way Anders made her react. The same way he remembered Kristoff making Aura react. Had he actually made Elissa blush?

"Thank you, Justice. That is very sweet." She breathed, shying away from his gaze.

His eyes met Anders' then and he could see jealousy burning in the mage's eyes. Justice retracted his hand immediately. It was not right. It belonged to Anders. A man of flesh and blood, not a spirit trapped in a corpse, not far different from the creatures the battled to often.

"If I were to choose a body, I wouldn't pick a woman's anyway." Anders said in a cheerful manner, hiding his discomfort.

"Please do tell. Is it the sudden development of empathy or the menstrual cramps?" Elissa scowled.

"Are all humans this disgusting?" Velenna grumbled.

"No, just us. And though those are excellent points, no. I was thinking more the lines of having to clean houses and washing dishes. You know like **real** women do." Anders teased looking at Elissa.

"You are a dead man!" Elissa hissed and ran at him.

Anders ran ahead with Elissa right behind him, both of them laughing heartily.

"You're even slower than a templar!" The mage teased.

"You know, you would make a perfect woman! You already wear a dress and complain about anything from spiders to a little mud!" Elissa shot back.

"You see? We would make the perfect couple!" Anders laughed.

Justice looked at them in astonishment. He knew that Elissa could catch Anders easily if she tried, but she didn't seem to make an effort to catch him. The insults were even more confusing to the spirit. They didn't take them to heart and would actually laugh at the names they called each other. It seemed so meaningless and yet alluring at the same time. What was the purpose of this?

"Humans!" Velanna exclaimed.

"Indeed." Justice replied.

* * *

**-OOO- Anders -OOO-**

It had been a long day, but even so the stop at vigils keep had been brief as Elissa had business in Amaranthine. Anders had insisted on coming, because he had business in the city as well, only he had not told Elissa of it. He was currently sitting on the bed in a room at the tavern, Crown and Lion. He was trying to read a book, but failed miserably. The day had been horrible. When he had talked with Elissa that morning everything had been fine, just until she mentioned Alistair. Not only did she mention him, but she compared them. Anders wouldn't admit it, but he had been hurt. He had thought she had finally forgotten the King, but no such luck. And then he had made that stupid comment about Velanna and the scowl Elissa had given him was icy. The only reason he had mentioned it in the first place was because he wasn't thinking. Then when they had been kidnapped, not knowing where she was or what that creature was doing to her... he couldn't breathe. He had been terrified to a degree he had never felt before. He cared for her so much. But then when she had awoken, she had seemed so distant. Perhaps he should have been more understanding. He had no idea what she went through and of course her thoughts would have been on escaping. But instead he had been hurt and retaliated by flirting with – no ad, Velanna.

Currently Elissa was sitting down stairs drinking with Nathaniel and Oghren, but Anders had to leave as she continued to ignore him. He threw the book away in frustration before falling back onto the bed and rubbing his face.

"Why did she have to mention Alistair?" He muttered to himself.

This was when it knocked on his window. He walked over and was surprised to see Elissa hanging on the side of the building giggling and with a blush on her face. She climbed over to the window and sat on the windowsill. Anders looked down and noted that there were several meters down. It would have been quite a fall and in addition she was only wearing a shirt (laces not bound giving him sight of her cleavage) and trousers, with no armour to protect her. He couldn't help but chuckle at her sudden cheerfulness.

"Commander, what are you doing on the outside of the building?" He asked with a smile.

"Shh... Oghren and I have been stealing Moonshine, so I couldn't be seen." She whispered.

This was when Anders realised she was drunk. He chuckled again. He had **never** seen her drunk before.

"And where is Oghren now?" He asked.

"He fell asleep." She replied and pointed down below to a pile of sacks with flour, where the dwarf was snoring.

"I should have figured." Anders laughed.

"Come." She said and pulled his hand as she was about to climb down.

"Where are we going?" He asked, slightly fearful that she should fall.

"To steal a book from the Chantry." She whispered loud enough for him to hear.

"Well colour me curios." Anders replied and jumped out the window.

When he was safely down she took his hand and led him through the shadows. He regretted teasing her that morning about her skills, because he had never seen anyone move that unseen through the shadows. And the woman was bloody drunk. The only thing that gave her away was her giggling. Anders was relieved that what happened between them earlier seemed long forgotten by now. He was also very excited about what they were doing. He had never pictured Elissa being exactly against the Chantry, but he guessed that after losing her family and everything during the blight, she was probably not very devout. They got to the backdoor at the Chantry and Anders was amazed how quickly she could pick those locks. He should have her teach him. Inside she pressed him against a wall next to a bookcase and he could feel his heart pounding as she was flush against him. She placed a finger on his lips and he couldn't help himself. He gave it a small kiss and she gave a small giggle, only for him to place his hand on her mouth and receive a kiss as well.

"I'll go get the book." She whispered.

Anders looked around for templars or any sisters that might still be around. She snuck over and grabbed the book, before returning to his side. Everything seemed to be going perfectly until they got outside and a templar patrol passed by. Anders took her hand and pulled her in behind some crates. He pressed her up against the wall, where the crates were stacked high enough to hide them from view. The templars were getting closer and that well known fear was running through Anders' veins. Unfortunately Elissa kept giggling in her drunken state.

"Would you be quiet?" He hissed in his worry.

"Make me." She replied coyly.

Anders looked down at her looking at him with confidence. Her emerald eyes shining with mischief, her cheeks and lips were flushed from the alcohol and the moonlight reflected on her skin. She was so close he could feel her breath on the front of his throat and chest. And despite the alcohol he could smell the vanilla oil she used. She giggled again and that was it. He pressed himself against her as he claimed her lips in a heated kiss. It felt so good, like there had been an unknown ach inside him that was finally calmed. Her arms wrapped tightly around his neck and she pulled him closer to her. He trapped her body between his own and the wall and he could feel every curve of her body. Softly he let his tongue run over her lips and she eagerly responded. His head was spinning while his heart was drumming out of control. He pulled away from her mouth and began kissing and nibbling her neck making her moan loudly. The sounds sent a shiver of pleasure down his spin and he didn't bother to silence her. At least if the templars saw them like this they would just walk away. As he began touching her she sagged against him while panting heavily.

"Anders!" She gasped.

"Maker Ellie, I can't get enough of you." He moaned against her neck, as she was exploring him in an unholy manner.

He vaguely noticed someone chuckling and the door to the chantry opening and closing, but he didn't care. He let his hand run up under her shirt and felt hers tugging at his pants. Maker he wanted her and she seemed just as eager. Still this wasn't the right place. He had to chuckle, as that had never been a problem before. He chuckled again when he pulled away and she whined in disapproval.

"Let us go back to your room." He whispered huskily.

She gave him a crocked smile, while her eyes were filled with desire. It almost made him change his mind, but instead he grabbed her hand and hurried back to the Tavern. In the tavern he pushed her against her door and asked her to open. She pulled forth the key, but refused to hand it over.

"I want a kiss for it." She whispered and instantly his lips were on hers.

When he pulled away he struggled to open the door, as she was kissing his neck and running her fingers up and down his chest. Finally the blighted door opened and he pushed her into the room. She fell backwards onto the floor and began laughing loudly and he chuckled as he closed the door. She wobbled as she got to her feet and Anders then realised just how drunk she was. But worse, he realised he couldn't do this. She would never forgive him if he took advantage of her in such a state and he wouldn't forgive himself either. He sighed and helped her up to sit on the bed, before kissing her temple.

"Goodnight." He whispered and walked out the room. Hopefully she wouldn't remember it in the morning.

* * *

_Author's note: Hey, I just wanted to know if people are still enjoying the story?_


	13. Chapter 13 No denying

**No denying**

"There is the Anders I know. Noble, overly concerned and just a little bit stupid!" Hawke laughed.

"And just when it was about to get good," Isabella agreed with a pout.

"You two are incorrigible," Anders shook his head.

"Yeah, I thought all that being decent stuff came from Justice? No offense, Blondie," Varric mused.

"Oh, it's always been there. He just hides it well. Though I think Justice might have enhanced it... well in some areas," Elissa replied, the last of the sentence said a little solemnly.

Anders leaned his head against hers.

"I'm sorry... I feel like I failed you both," he said in a low voice.

"You tried to protect us," she replied while lovingly stroking his cheek.

Fenris grunted, but remained silent as he took a sip of his wine.

"Why was I not invited?" Aveline complained as she walked through the door to the suite.

"Aveline! We weren't planning on a gathering actually," Hawke smiled and gestured for her to sit down next to him.

Aveline's gaze turned to Elissa.

"Who is this, Anders?" Aveline asked looking at how close they were.

"This is Anders' wife, Elissa," Merrill said a little excited.

"Wife? The rebel mage who fights for independence is married? Ha, the irony," Aveline grinned and Anders groaned.

"Oh, you I like. A pleasure to meet you?" Elissa smiled.

"Aveline was one of the few soldiers to escape Ostagar and is now the Guard Captain here in Kirkwall," Anders explained.

"You fought at Ostagar? I can't tell you how relieved I am that someone survived that mess," Elissa replied.

"You were there?" Aveline said with astonishment and Elissa nodded.

"It would seem Anders has been holding out on us. This is Elissa Cousland," Varric grinned.

"Maker... the Hero of Ferelden? May I say what an honour it is to meet you?" Aveline replied in awe.

"It's unnecessary. I only did what anyone would have," Elissa smiled shyly.

"That's a lie, love, and you know it," Anders said fondly kissing her cheek.

"I still don't get how you managed to get a hold on her," Hawke chuckled.

"So when **did** you end up in bed together? This is taking forever with you two dancing around each other like that," Isabella said impatiently.

"Alright, alright. Let's see... Well, the next day..." Elissa began.

* * *

**-OOO- Elissa -OOO-**

Elissa groaned as she awoke. She should have learned by now never to drink with Oghren. The dwarf was constantly drunk and no wonder with all the things life had thrown at him. The worst being his wife leaving him for another woman and feeding her entire house to the darkspawn. He was one of the few who she thought had lost more than her. As she opened her eyes she was relieved to find herself in her bed. She sat up slowly trying to remember what had happened the night before. She remembered climbing the walls and... Maker forbid! Did she break into the Chantry? She faintly remembered Anders being there. She heard a careful knock on her door and looked down at herself. Realising she was still dressed from the night before, she asked them to enter. She was not surprised to see it was Anders, but she was surprised by the way he entered. She had never seen him be so cautious before. But considering how they had treated each other the day before, perhaps she shouldn't have been.

"I thought you might be in need of a healer this morning," he smiled sheepishly.

"Oh Maker, yes please," she moan tilting her head back.

She vaguely noticed Anders' breath hitch as she did this, though she had no idea why. He walked over next to her and sat down on the bed. Carefully he began healing her head-ache and the dulling pain began to retreat. She smiled at him as it disappeared and noticed his eyes were starring at her intently. He had never looked at her like that. There was a longing in his gaze, that resembled the ones Alistair had given her long ago. Unable to bear the sensation of her drumming heart, she cleared her throat.

"Did we really break into the Chantry last night and steal a book?" she asked and Anders gave a wry smile.

"We did," he confirmed and for a moment something else seemed hidden in his eyes.

"How could you let me do that?" she scolded with a grin, as she swatted his arm.¨

"You insisted!" he claimed with a chuckle.

"What else did we do? Put knickers on the head of the statue of Andraste?" she jested, but when Anders expression became unreadable she gasped.

"We didn't do that did we...?" she exclaimed mortified.

"No, no. Nothing like that. You don't remember anything else?" he asked, almost disappointed.

"I remember drinking with Oghren. Climbing the walls and a very blurry vision of myself inside the chantry. Why? What did I do?"

"Well, first you stole liquor with Oghren. Then you wanted me to help you steal the book and then I made sure you got back to your room." he stated with a small smile.

"I'm going to kill Oghren! But first I need to get dressed so we can seek out this Dark Wolf character," she stated getting up.

"Alright. See you in a little while, commander," Anders replied and walked towards the door, his expression unreadable.

"Anders, is everything alright?" she asked her voice a little worried.

He turned and gave her a soft smile.

"Everything is fine," he replied and left the room, leaving Elissa behind not quite sure what to make of his behaviour.

* * *

As they left the tavern Elissa couldn't shake the feeling that something was bothering Anders. Perhaps their behaviour towards each other had made him more uncomfortable than she thought. The thought of him suddenly leaving struck her mind and she felt her heart ache at the thought. She knew she shouldn't care for him like she did, but she couldn't help it. Knowingly or not, he had pulled her up from an abyss so deep, she thought she would never see light again. And though she didn't want to admit it, she had come to love him. His good heart, his kindness and that passion that seemed to light everything on fire within her, made her feel alive. The thought of him leaving, or thinking of his flirting with other women made her heart ache. Despite her pain, she still couldn't help but smile as he was fondling Ser-Pounce-A-Lot. As they were walking through Amaranthine an elf called out.

"Oy, Anders! About time you showed up!" the female elf groused.

"Namaya, you came!" Anders replied walking over to her.

"**I **keep my promises. Here, it turns out you were right. The cache is here in Amaranthine," Namaya explained.

"It is? You found it?"

"I did. What you do with that information is up to you, I for one, am done dealing with mages," Namaya sighed before turning to Elissa.

"Word of advice, don't let him sweet talk you. He is really good at that,"

"Erm, I guess I should thank you..." Anders smiled.

"Damned right you should. You get caught, Anders, I'm not helping you again. That's all I'm saying," she hissed and took off.

Anders stepped back and turned to face Elissa, rubbing his neck a little nervously.

"I... suppose that requires some explanation," he smiled, looking a little uncomfortable.

"I friend of yours I take it," Elissa replied calmly.

"Do I detect a note of jealousy?" he teased.

"Of course not. I am way prettier," she smirked in reply, making Anders chuckle.

"That you are... Anyway, Namaya is a... friend. Last time I escaped from the tower I asked her to look into some things. That's why I was in Amaranthine. The templars thought I had come to take a ship, but it was to meet her," he explained.

"All about pleasure are we?" Elissa mocked and a little voice inside her noted that she sounded like Morrigan.

"Not exactly. During the blight the templars moved there store of phylacteries to Amaranthine for safety. Mine was among them, Namaya learned. I looked her up in Denerim, when we were there last. So long the templars have that sample of my blood, they can find me. I need to destroy it," he continued.

"But you are a warden now," she noted.

"What is to stop the Chantry from deciding that mages within the wardens are apostates too? I want to make sure they can never find me again. Ever." He replied with heated determination.

The thought of Anders getting caught or templars dragging him away from her, without her being able to stop them made her sick. She couldn't bear it. He might not care for her as she did for him, but she never wanted him to be harmed again. He didn't deserve to be punished simply for what he was. Especially not, when what he was, was something he used for good.

"You are right. They shouldn't be able to hold that over you. I'll help you if you want," Elissa offered.

"I would be grateful. I know we are busy killing darkspawn and all, but the sooner we get this over with the better I'll feel," he replied with a heavy breath.

"You're right. We'll go back to the tavern and get Nathaniel and Justice. Oghren is probably still asleep," Elissa smiled and quickly began walking back to the tavern.

* * *

**-OOO- Justice -OOO-**

It was beginning to amaze Justice, what this woman could make him do. Elissa had just to ask and he would do things he believed himself incapable of. He wondered if it was like that for all men in her presence, but he had a vague memory of Kristoff being willing to do the same for Aura. It did, however, not prevent him from voicing his opinion. Especially since they were about to break an entry.

"This is theft!" he remarked sternly.

"I'm taking back something that belongs to me. They never had any right to it," Anders corrected.

"We are just looking around. Besides they won't miss it," Elissa smiled while picking the lock.

"I can't believe you talked me into this," Nathaniel groused.

"You tried to steal things from me that had once belonged to you. Now, you are righting that by helping me steal something for Anders," Elissa grinned carelessly.

Justice looked at her and was puzzled by the fact that she actually seemed to be enjoying this. She was a noble and never had to fight for survival.

"How did you become so skilled in trespassing?" Justice scoffed.

"I learned I lot of things during the blight. The things I had to do weren't pretty. But I got very skilled at picking locks and making poisons," she replied still occupied with the lock.

"Poisons? What kind of poisons?" Anders asked looking a little horrified.

"All kinds. Deadly ones, some that can knock a man unconscious, even learned how to make a truth serum. It spared more than one life, when I had to deal with more shady occupations. Are there we are!" Elissa smiled as the door opened.

"You are dangerous, you know that right?" Anders told Elissa, as they walked inside.

"You are just figuring that out now?" Nathaniel pointed out raising an eyebrow.

"Well no, but sometimes it seems like she forgets. Hmm... there is not even a guard posted. Do you think we could be that lucky?" Anders asked looking around.

"Luck is not commonly associated with us," Justice noted.

And sure enough they had only taken a few more steps when three templars showed themselves.

"And here I almost believed that the infamous Anders wouldn't take the bait," the woman smirked.

"Aaaw, not you again. Don't you have anything better to do Rylock?" Elissa mocked.

"Ah yes, I suppose I should have known it would be you," Anders grunted.

"You made a poor choice with this one, commander. Anders will never submit. Not to you and not to anyone," Rylock replied.

"I don't make my men submit as if they were dogs. I trust them to follow me because they want to and they are free to leave if they no longer wish to stay. You should try gaining loyalty instead of being so depended upon fear. It might help. Where are the phylacteries?" Elissa replied sternly crossing her arms.

Justice found himself smiling and felt a hint of pride seeing her stand up to the templar. Doing what she believed to be right and treating every individual with respect. Justice also noted how Anders' head had briefly snapped in her direction looking at her with awe.

"Oh, the phylacteries **were** here. I knew Anders would never be able to resist," Rylock replied.

"Oh, the way you flatter me," Anders remarked sarcastically.

"I will make sure this murderer is never a bother to anyone again," Rylock stated.

"What?! No, you can't arrest me! King Alistair allowed my conscription!" Anders objected with a hint of fear in his voice.

"The Chantry's authority supersedes the Crown in this matter. You cannot hide within the Grey Warden's ranks," Rylock insisted.

"But not the wardens! You have no jurisdiction here and I am not handing him over to you. Ever!" Elissa growled.

"Hardly surprising. The wardens are notorious for harbouring murderers and malificarum. I do not know how you inspire such loyalty, Anders. But it will avail you not. Now you come with us!" Rylock demanded.

A brief second later a dagger was piercing the templars neck and she fell to the ground. The two remaining templars smited Anders, making him stumble back and landing on the floor twisting in agony. Nathaniel and Justice managed to take out one templar, while Elissa took the other. With a force Justice didn't know her capable of she punched her dagger through the templars breastplate and into his heart. As the templar fell over, Elissa fell to her knees beside Anders and helped him to sit up. He groaned in pain as he sat up.

"Are you alright?" Elissa asked with concern.

"Yes, I'll be fine... I wonder if Namaya knew about this? I guess it doesn't really matter. Thank you. You stood by me and I appreciate that," Anders replied rubbing his head, not looking directly at Elissa.

"Of course I did. I care for you - about you – I mean that's what friends do for each other..." Elissa replied looking flustered while unable to look at Anders.

Her cheeks were flushed and Justice swore she was trembling slightly. On the other hand this made Anders look at her, his mouth slightly open and his eyes widened. Anders breathing seemed heavy.

"I... guess they do... Anyhow, let's go before someone else rushes in to waggle a finger at us." he replied and Elissa helped him to stand.

Walking out of the warehouse, Justice noticed both of them looking equally flushed and made an actual effort not to look at each other or touch by accident. Justice had no idea what to make of their behaviour and was even more puzzled as they got outside.

"Anders, are you sure you are alright?" Elissa asked softly.

"I'm sure. I just need some fresh air and need time to think. I think I'll go for a walk," Anders replied.

"Are you sure it's wise? What if more templars come?" Elissa asked deeply concerned.

Anders smiled softly at her and let his hand caress her cheek for the briefest moment. Justice felt a certain sadness about it. His own hand cold, rotten and discoloured, he would never be able to give her such a gesture without it being appalling.

"You are sweet to worry, but I'll be fine. I'll see you a little later." Anders replied and walked away.

"Be careful..." Elissa uttered barely above a whisper watching him walk away.

Justice walked over next to her.

"We needed to find the Dark Wolf and put I stop to the people plotting against you," Justice reminded her.

"Yes. Thank you for reminding me," Elissa smiled and for the briefest moment took his hand, giving it a small squeeze. Justice didn't understand, if Anders had a chance to receive affection like that on a daily basis, why would he resist it?

* * *

**-OOO- Anders -OOO-**

He walked through Amaranthine in the dusk that was soon to turn into night. He had no idea how long he had wandered like this, let alone how many times he passed the gates walking in circles around the city. He then paused and looked at the warehouse where they fought Rylock. It was not wise for him to pause there, but he couldn't help it. What had happened in there was beyond his comprehension. Never in his wildest dreams had he imagined anyone risk so much for him, to protect him like that. Elissa's blind refusal to turn him over, not for a moment considering how much trouble it would cause her.

_"Of course I did. I care for you,"_

Her words haunted him. She cared for him. Enough to shield him from templars. Enough to risk her own life merely to keep him free. That was something not even his own family had done. He could feel his heart beating in an unfamiliar rhythm and yet it seemed like an ancient song, genetically sealed in all beings. Even though it was an unknown song in a language he had never heard before, he knew exactly what it meant. It was terrifying and liberating at once. He closed his eyes and leaned against the wall, as he turned his head towards the sky and let out a trembled breath. Every fibre in his being was shivering in perfect harmony with the drumming of his heart. It was a nervousness that was nauseating and yet he never wanted it to end. He opened his eyes and gave a chuckle before he walked back to the tavern.

He walked directly to her room, even though it was late. He needed to thank her. Tell how good it felt to finally have someone, who honestly cared about him and his freedom. He knocked on her door and tried to wait patiently for her to open it. When she did, a surge of electricity went through him. She was wearing a white silk nightdress with a generous cleavage and an unbound white silk robe over it. Her dark hair loose and slightly curled from being in a braid for an entire day. It looked so soft, but it was nothing compared to the sweet smile on her lips and the beauty in her green eyes glistening. Her white skin and shiny nightwear reflected the glow from the fire. She had only just opened the door, not even got the opportunity to speak, when he decided to confess something entirely different from what he had come to say.

"I love you." he declared looking down at her.

Without giving her the chance to answer his lips crashed down on hers, kissing her with a passion that made the simmering feeling in his blood turn into a full blown fiery blaze. For a moment he wondered if he was going too far, but then she wrapped her arms around his neck and returned the kiss with equal passion. He began walking forward pushing her back into the room, while holding her waist. Inside he slammed the door shut with his boot, not wanting to leave the heaven that was her lips. He caste a shield spell on the door, rather than locking it with a key. He pushed the robe of her shoulders, relishing in the feel of her smooth skin, before they began moving again. She nearly stumbled, when he pushed her towards the bed, but he caught her. His arms wrapped tightly around her waist and he couldn't help but hum, as he felt her body pressed up against his. He lifted her up and smiled against her lips, when she eagerly wrapped her legs around his waist. He placed her down on the bed with his own body on top of hers. His hands ran up and down her sides and he groaned unbidden at the feel of the soft, smooth fabric gliding effortlessly along her skin. Gently his tongue ran across her lips (their lips never leaving each others for a second since he claimed them) encouraging her to part them. With a soft moan, that sent a shiver down his spine, she granted him access. He drunk from her like man nearly dying of thirst and the tingling sensation on his skin was calmed, as her hands roamed his back. Nothing had ever felt like this. This was not even to be compared with his sexual encounters in the past, this was something he had never been even close to experiencing. Her tongue played with his eagerly forcing a predatorily groan from his throat and his blood to harden his entire body. Breathlessly he pulled away and looked down into her eyes. He had not dared to do so before, afraid that should he stop, he would have lost. Not the game, but her. That day he had realised that this had never been a game. He was done playing at life, now he had to live it. There was no going back to who he had been and if she kept looking at him with such as adoring eyes, as she did at that moment, he never wanted to.

"I love you too, Anders." She said softly, running her fingers through his hair and releasing it.

The shy smile that formed on her lips, as she said it and the softness in her eyes, was his undoing. He claimed her lips again and for the first time in his life he would actually be making love. Pretending was no longer an option. The games were over.


	14. Chapter 14 Joining

**Joining**

"Aaaww, come on! You can't stop there!" Hawke objected.

"I agree with Hawke. Details!" Varric laughed.

Anders groaned and Elissa gave a small laugh while shaking her head.

"Oh, did he do that electricity thing?" Isabella asked with excitement.

"I am not telling y... Electricity thing? And how does she know about that? Anders?" Elissa scowled in his direction.

Anders blushed and looked a little ashamed, as he gave a nervous chuckle.

"It was before I met you, love. I was never unfaithful to you," Anders vowed with a smile.

"But you were to others?" she raised an eyebrow.

"Maker women, would you stop twisting my words?" he growled playfully and pulled her close for a bruising kiss, while she giggled against his lips.

"Get a room! Surely Isabella's is vacant at the moment," Fenris said drily.

"Oh, I think it's sweet," Merrill smiled.

"So, there are still the how's, why's and when's. Go on, spill!" Varric demanded playfully.

Anders chuckled, as he pulled away from the kiss, but still held Elissa firmly in his arms.

"I think you need to clarify, Varric," Elissa chuckled.

"Why did you get married? No offense Anders, but it hardly seems like something that would be high on your priority list," Aveline asked.

"I bet he got her pregnant and Justice was standing right behind him with a sword during the ceremony," Hawke laughed.

"Oh that's good!" Varric said with excitement and reached for his notebook.

"If only you knew," Anders sighed.

"Only knew what?" Merrill enquired.

"He didn't marry me because he had to. He did it because we are both a little crazy," Elissa giggled and Anders leaned his forehead against her.

"I'm tempted to say that since you married Anders that was a given," Aveline smiled.

"Why are you friends with these people again?" Elissa chuckled looking at Anders.

"I don't quite know. But if you really want to know then..." Anders replied, as he continued.

* * *

**-OOO- Anders -OOO-**

The sun was slowly rising over Amaranthine and casting its soft red glow in the window. Ser-Pounce-A-Lot and Animus were curled up together in front of the fireplace, while the sound of birds chirping travelled in the window. Anders and Elissa were both lying on top of the covers, naked. Their bodies still moist from their love making and their breathing only just returned to normal. Anders had never felt more at peace and truly enjoyed that at this moment there was nothing to fear. No templars to interrupt - or other mages for that matter. No one to tell them it was wrong and improper. And most importantly, there was no risk of templars using Elissa against him. He could love her without fear for the punishment that might befall her, should they be discovered. He looked at her beautiful figure lying bare before him, as she was resting on her back and her chest moving up and down with her breathing. He traced his fingers along her soft womanly shaped figure, tracing every scar as she told him how she got them. He traced his fingers over one just next to her navel; it was faint and had obviously been healed by magic.

"How did you get this one?" he asked kissing the scar.

"That one was of courtesy of dear Zevran," she smirked.

"How dare he?" he growled against her skin, kissing it again and she giggled.

"It is from when we met. The bastard had created an ambush to kill Alistair and I. He, of course, failed miserably, but not before I got acquainted with one of his daggers," she smiled.

"And then you recruited him? You are crazy woman," he teased and leaned up to kiss her lips softly.

"You have to be a little crazy to take on an Arch Demon. Ever seen one? It's **huge**!" she said with dramatics and Anders chuckled.

"And what about this one?" he asked tracing one on her hip.

"Oh, that one has a very dramatic story," she replied.

"Really?" he said while gently nibbling her skin there, as his fingers teased the skin on the inside of her thigh.

She sighed with pleasure and he could feel her tremble slightly.

"Mhm..." she murmured, too focused on what he was doing to her to respond.

He chuckled against her skin and stopped teasing her, the chuckle becoming a small laugh as she whined with disappointment.

"So what happened?"

"I was five and fell down a flight of stairs," she smirked.

Anders chuckled and went back to caressing her body. She giggled, when it began to tickle. This made him shift on the bed so he was aligned with her and then slightly leaned over her to look down into her eyes. He stroked her cheek and smiled when she leaned into his touch. He kissed her other cheek softly and then down her neck, revelling in the discovery of just what warden stamina could do.

"I'm sorry if I weren't any good," she said suddenly.

"What?" he asked confused and raised himself to look down at her.

"I am not very experienced. I have only been with Alistair and that was only a few months and we were both vi..." she began ranting, when Anders claimed her lips in a loving kiss.

He pulled away and looked down at her with faked sternness and she was already giggling with the knowledge he wasn't very serious.

"There are two rules we need to establish. One; I will never hear you say that man's name, when in bed with me. Two; Never ever doubt yourself," he insisted, trying to hide his smile that was forced forth at seeing how adorable she looked.

"Fair enough," she smiled and wrapped her arms around his neck and kissed him.

"Anders?" she asked with a sudden seriousness.

"Yes, love?" he murmured as his lips travelled along her jawline.

"Did... did you mean it?" she asked hesitantly and touch of fear in her voice.

"Yes Ellie. I meant it. I am madly in love with you," he said seriously looking down into her eyes.

She released a breath as she flushed again.

"Remember I told you that romantic love was not worth the trouble?" he asked.

"Yes..." she said slightly hesitant.

"The reason I said that was because, in the circle it gave the templars to much power if there was something that you couldn't stand to lose. And outside the circle the risks people take by loving a mage, can often result in death. We are outlaws because of what we are not because of what we might have done. I have kept myself from falling in love, so neither I or others would run the risks. But with you I couldn't stop it. So when I said I love you, I meant it with every part of my being. I love you," he explained caressing her face.

"I love you too," she replied and stroked his face and noticed it became serious.

"What is it?" she asked.

"It's just... what if the Chantry does decide that mages outside the chantry are apostates? What happened today proves that it could. Being with me then, will mean being hunted. Even as a warden you could have a partially normal life. You could have a family and you wouldn't have to run," he sighed heavily.

"I don't mind," she replied softly.

He gave a sad chuckle.

"You don't know what it means. You never..." he began, but she put her fingers on his lips where he kissed them.

"For almost a year I was the most hunted outlaw in Ferelden. I know exactly what it means, Anders. I know you sometimes see me as a little girl, but I have experienced more tragedy and hardship than most. I am not a mage, but I do understand Anders. And with you, I'm not afraid of anything," she explained her fingers travelling along his jaw.

He felt his heart being overwhelmed as he looked at her, finally realising that this was absolutely real. He was overcome with a fear that he would someday lose her. That something would happen to them like it had between her and Alistair. He just couldn't bear it. He grabbed her head between his hands and kissed her heatedly.

"I love you. Maker! I love you so much! I don't ever want to lose you," he confessed between kisses.

"I don't want to lose you either," she managed to reply.

Anders lifted himself above her again and looked at her before a smile formed on his lips.

"Marry me."

"What?!" she exclaimed sitting up in the bed and looking at him.

"You heard me. I want you to marry me," he smiled.

For a moment she turned pale and he could see her mind racing.

"But we have only known each other for such a short time. You could get tired of me and..." she began, but Anders put a hand to her lips.

"You told me, that just once you wanted to make a decision with your heart rather than your head. One that made you happy, rather than just being sensible," he replied.

"Well yes, but..." she began, but then hesitated, while looking at him pleadingly.

He realised that what he was seeing in her eyes was fear and he thought he knew why. He got off the bed and kneeled next to the bed in front of her and took her hand and kissed it.

"My beloved Ellie, will you marry me?" he asked again and he felt his heart beating and himself unable to breathe.

"You are really serious?" she asked, her eyes widened and filled with doubt.

"I'm on my knees, offering you my heart, begging for you to marry me - and naked no less, so yes. I'm completely serious," he replied, still unable to breathe.

She hesitated, as she was studying him closely. Then after what seemed like hours, a bright smile formed on her lips.

"Yes!" she exclaimed happily and threw her arms around his neck kissing him passionately.

He finally released his breath, chuckling against her lips. He got up from the floor and made her sit on the bed and kissed her again. He couldn't remember ever feeling this happy, as the feeling spread like a warmth through his chest. He was breaking every single rule the mages advised in the tower, not to mention the Chantry. A mage living outside the circle about to marry a noble woman, was practically unheard of. There was nothing socially acceptable about this, but to the void with it. He didn't care and from the bright smile of her lips he felt against his own, he knew she felt the same. He pulled away a little and looked down at her, pretty sure he was smiling like a fool all the while.

"This is crazy you know," she giggled happily.

"I'm aware," he replied before kissing her again.

He then pulled away and began to put on his clothes in a hurry. She gave him a confused look.

"What are you doing?" she asked, looking painfully vulnerable.

"I am going to make sure we get married, before you come to your senses," he chuckled, while pulling his tunic over his head and kissed her before he ran out the door. He smiled when he heard Elissa give a small squeal of happiness as he closed the door.

* * *

**-OOO- Elissa -OOO-**

Elissa dried her eyes as she saw the sun was setting over Amaranthines harbour, which she could see from her window at the inn. She had been so happy that morning and couldn't believe that Anders had not only confessed that he loved her, but proposed as well. It had seemed too good to be true and apparently it was, because he had not been back since. She never used to be sweeped away like that. Zevran had certainly never managed to. But Anders seemed so sincere and in the name of Andraste she loved him. Perhaps it was foolish to accept his proposal, but after everything she had lost, she knew that life was fleeting. And with the risk of the Chantry interfering, she was not about to give it up. Politics had governed her life for far too long. She just hoped that her father would be proud. Another tear fell and Animus sat beside her, pressing his wet nose against her hand in an attempt to comfort, while Pounce was sleeping blissfully in a chair. She gave a strangled sob and then the door finally opened. She turned to see Anders come through the door and she ran towards him and threw her arms around his neck kissing him deeply. He made a noise of surprise, before he chuckled and responded eagerly. When they pulled away he smiled at first until he saw her tears and he looked as if slapped.

"You're crying. Love, what is it?" he asked, his voice filled with worry.

"It's nothing. Just some silliness," she dismissed drying her eyes.

"Ellie, you don't cry unless there is a reason," he said quietly kissing her temple.

"I just thought you'd left," she replied and looked a little ashamed.

Anders gaze softened and he kissed her again.

"I always come back to you, you know that," he smiled.

"Apparently so," she giggled, while sniffling.

"I love you," he whispered holding her tightly to him.

"I love you too. Sorry about this, I should be stronger," she apologized.

"Your heart has been broken many times, love. Don't apologize for knowing fear," he said softly while pulling away.

"So, do you still want to marry me?" he smirked.

"Yes,"

"Good, because I managed to find a revered sister, who is willing to marry us in an hour. I have been quite busy, which is why I am so late. Stay right here," he smiled and made her sit on the bed.

He walked out the door and came back a few moments later with a bag. He placed on the bed next to her and opened it. He pulled out a simple white dress with long sleeves, exposed shoulders and a gold coloured belt low on the hips. There was a golden ribbon around the shoulders and neckline and on the edge of the sleeves, but it was otherwise plain. Elissa ran her fingers over it.

"Do you like it?" Anders asked hesitantly.

"It's very pretty," she said in low voice, as she admired it.

"It was Delilah Howe's, but she lent it to me. I know you are used to something gr..." he began, but she silenced him with a kiss.

"It's perfect. Thank you, love," she whispered as if afraid the moment would end should she speak to loudly.

She felt him shiver as he heard the endearment and she realised it was the first time she had called him that. He kissed her lips softly and she could feel he was tempted to deepen it, but he restrained himself. He pulled way smiling at her.

"I'll see you in a little while," he whispered and left the room.

Elissa held up the dress and it seemed to be about her size. She heard herself giggle nervously and it felt as if it was coming from someone else. Her mother had always complained that finding a husband for her was impossible. No wonder, since the man who wanted to marry her had been locked up all the while. She vowed that he would never allow him seeing the inside of a circle again and slowly began undressing, when the door sprung open. She turned with a yelp and released a breath of relief, when Sigrun came in the door. The dwarf had a smile on her face as she walked over to the Commander.

"Sigrun! I thought you were still at the keep," Elissa smiled fondly.

"I was, but I received word from Anders around midday that I was needed in Amaranthine. And the first thing Oghren tells me, when I get here, is that you are marrying Anders?" she replied questioning.

"Anders loves me and wants me to marry him. And I love him, I know it's foolish but..." Elissa began, but Sigrun held up a hand.

"We all know that we might not live for very long. And though he might be silly at times, I do believe he loves you... a lot..." Sigrun smiled and Elissa gave her a hug.

"This is going to be fun. I have never seen a surfacer's wedding before," the dwarf said with excitement.

* * *

An hour later Elissa was waiting outside the Chantry. It was dusk, a mist was in the air and Amaranthine was quiet... peaceful. Nathaniel walked up next to her and gave her a serious look.

"I have not known you to be reckless, Commander. But are you sure this is wise?" he asked with concern.

"No. In fact I am certain it isn't wise, but it makes me happy and it makes Anders happy. I have lost so much, I won't risk this be second guessing what my heart tells me is right," she replied.

Nathaniel nodded before walking inside the Chantry. Elissa took a deep breath and filled her lungs with the fresh air. Inside Nathaniel's sister Delilah and her husband, Sigrun, Oghren and Justice were waiting. Velanna had stayed back at the keep as she was not to thrilled about being around shems. And she had only been recruited two days earlier. Elissa felt a pair of warm lips on the side of her neck and she turned to see Anders smiling at her. He was wearing his warden uniform, which had been cleaned and the silver griffon on his arm polished. Only half of his hair was kept in a ponytail and she was pleased to see he hadn't shaved, as she caressed his cheek.

"You look beautiful," he smiled.

"And you look handsome," she replied, while adjusting his collar.

He pulled her close for a deep loving kiss and wrapped his arms tightly around her waist. He gave a nervous chuckle as he pulled away.

"I can't believe we're doing this," he chuckled breathlessly.

"I know... Second thoughts?" she asked sweetly.

"Not for a moment," he replied with absolute certainty and took her hand, before leading her inside the Chantry.

* * *

**-OOO- Justice -OOO-**

Justice began to fear he would never understand mortals completely. Anders and Elissa's obscure behaviour had confused him. First they seemed to avoid each other and then the next day they were getting married. Not that Justice objected. He had hoped that Anders would do the honourable thing, if he ever gave into his feelings. Justice did love Elissa, but he knew he could never give her what Anders could. Besides he was a spirit, something pure and righteous. He should not desire mortal things, but that envy continued to be inside him. He did not wish to take it from those who already possessed it. He wished for someone to give it freely to him, but as long as he had no live body of his own, that would be impossible. So instead he would rejoice in the fact that two people who had been so lost, had found each other in midst of all the darkness that surrounded them.

One of the doors opened and Elissa and Anders came inside holding hands. Justice had the memories of Kristoff's wedding and it had been far different. It had been a celebrated affair and with lots of guests present. This was held in the quiet of the evening, as if it was wrong and something to be ashamed of. It was not right that there was such a difference, merely because of the status of the people in love. It angered him, but seeing how happy Elissa and Anders looked despite it, he could not hold onto it for long. She looked beautiful, Justice noted, in her simple white dress and her long her braided to one side with a flower placed behind her ear. Elissa and Anders walked up to them calmly and stood before the Chantry sister.

"We are gathered here, before the eyes of the Maker to bind these two souls together. Like Andraste's devotion to the Maker, as he took her as his bride, this bond is eternal and no man may break it. If you would exchange your vows," the sister began.

Justice noticed Anders taking a trembled breath, but he was still smiling brightly.

"With the Maker as my witness, I pledge, myself body and soul, to you, Elissa. I will cherish and honour you until I return to the side of the Maker," Anders said and chuckled with disbelief as he looked at her.

Nathaniel handed Anders a plain gold ring that he then placed on Elissa's hand, before he handed a similar one to Elissa.

"With the Maker as my witness, I pledge, myself body and soul, to you, Anders. I will cherish and honour you until I return to the side of the Maker," Elissa replied with a blush forming on her cheeks and a faint smile, before placing the ring on Anders' hand.

"In the eyes of the Maker and his bride Andraste, this union is now sealed. Maker, watch over you." the sister said, as she took both Anders' and Elissa's hand and held them between her own.

"Maker watch over us all." the humans present replied.

Anders then pulled Elissa to him and gave her a deep lingering kiss. They looked at each other happily as they pulled away. Justice hoped he would one day know the feeling, instead of only feeling it as if it was a faint whisper.

"Now that's over with, let's get to the drinking!" Oghren exclaimed happily.

And though Justice found it inappropriate, the others just laughed.

Back at the tavern Anders had manage to get a private dining room for them and though they were a small group, Justice thought it very lively. He kept looking at Elissa and Anders, who were now constantly holding each other's hand and peppering each other with small kisses from time to time. It was odd considering two days ago they had avoided each other like the blight, but perhaps he would become wiser with time. He felt an unfamiliar ache in his heart as Elissa and Anders got up from the table. As if he had lost something of great value. Oghren raised his mug and laughed.

"So about time is it?" the dwarf said cheerfully.

"Oh, **please** don't," Elissa pleaded looking towards the ceiling.

"Do I want to know?" Anders chuckled.

"Aw come on! I have got some new ones!" Oghren grumbled.

"Just... get it over with..." Elissa groaned and burrowed her face in her husband's shoulder.

"You are going to explore her Deep Roads. Grey her Warden. Master her taint. Cup her Joining?" Oghren laughed and nudged Justice's shoulder and winked at him.

"You are alluding to something. I know not what," Justice replied looking at Oghren.

Oghren looked almost disappointed before he asked,

"You have memories, right? Kristoff's memories,"

"Yes,"

"And Kristoff was married? You have memories of that, yes?"

"Yes,"

"Aha! So you must know what I'm talking about!"

"Must I?"

"Come on! Kristoff must have buttered the southern pony in his day,"

"I do not believe Kristoff has ever seen a southern pony, let alone buttered it. What does that even mean?"

"Nothing. It means nothing." Oghren sighed with disappointment.

Elissa and Anders both laughed heartedly and Anders actually removed a tear from his eye. Elissa walked over and kissed Justice's cold cheek. He froze at this unexpected gesture, but as Elissa looked at him softly he smiled at her. Anders patted Justice on his shoulder, before leaving the room with his new wife and then Justice decided something. He hadn't lost anything by this union. He had gained happiness for himself and for others.


	15. Chapter 15 Secret

**Secret**

* * *

"Oh, that was so sweet!" Merrill giggled and Elissa laughed.

"It was impulsive, foolish and..." Elissa began.

"Absolutely wonderful," Anders finished looking at her almost dreamingly.

"And then you just go rogue all of a sudden and leave her? It doesn't make any sense," Hawke said with astonishment.

Anders let out a deep regretful sigh, but before he could continue Eleanor began to whimper. Elissa was about to stand up, but to her surprise Anders quickly got to his feet and walked over to pick up his daughter on Varric's bed. Elissa felt her eyes getting teary as she saw her daughter in her father's arms. He cradled her in his arms and let her head rest in the crook of his neck while stroking her back.

"Shhh... my little Nora... everything is fine, sweetheart," he cooed softly.

Elissa walked over next to him and kissed Eleanor's head.

"She is tired and we are making noise. Where are you staying?" Anders smiled and Elissa looked at him with surprise.

"I have a room further down the hall. Carver told me that I should take I room here if I wanted to find you," Elissa replied.

"Tattle tale," Hawke chuckled.

"Well, we are going to retire," Anders smiled and began walking towards the door with Nora still in his arms.

"You can't stop now!" Varric objected.

"Oh hush Varric. Don't you think that they need some 'private' time?" Isabella smirked.

"And Anders should get to know his daughter," Merrill encouraged, not grasping Isabella's meaning.

"We'll tell you the rest tomorrow. Goodnight," Elissa smiled and picked up Ser-Pounce-A-Lot.

They walked out the room with Animus right behind them and Elissa led them to the little room she had rented. She watched with amazement with what care and attentiveness Anders took care of Nora. Elissa smiled, as she realised she had already adopted Anders' nickname for Eleanor. She felt a surge go through her as she realised just how much she had missed him. She walked up behind him and wrapped her arms around his waist and kissed his back. Anders placed Nora in her crib and turned to embrace Elissa.

"I missed you so much," she said in a sad voice.

"I missed you too. I am so sorry for all of this. I panicked, when I saw what Justice and I are capable of. I saw the blood of those wardens and all I could think of was what would have happened if you had been among them. I am still terrified that it might happen. It would kill me to lose you," he replied and squeezed her a little tighter.

"Justice will never harm me and what you did that day was in self defence. Don't run anymore, Anders. Not from me," she pulled away and looked into his eyes.

"I promise. I love you, I wish that was all that mattered," he said regretfully.

"We both know it's not, no matter how much we wish it to be. What are you trying to do? Tell me your plan," she encouraged.

Anders smiled. He should have known that she would support him. He took her hand and guided her to sit on the bed next to him.

"I intend to make the Chantry realise that they have to reform the circle. The circle here... Ellie, it's worse than in Ferelden. After what happened with the abominations in Ferelden, the Knight-commander has completely lost it. Cullen is here too," Anders began.

"Cullen? The poor bastard that went mad and killed an apprentice, because he believed her to be possessed?" she replied horrified.

"Yes, he is the knight-captain here,"

"But the man was completely unstable and damaged. I had thought they would have transferred him to a Chantry for a time and given him some help... Ugh! Why is there never a shortage of idiots in Thedas?" she grumbled rubbing her forehead.

"It gets worse. They are forcing tranquillity on almost a third of the mages and the rest of them are locked in their cell and refused appearances at court. They are turning it into a prison," he replied with a little desperation in his voice.

"You mean more than it already was. Why is it that the Chantry can't learn from the wardens? For centuries we have had mages and elves in our ranks and giving them equal rights. We don't have abominations running amok and they even have the nerve to send spies into our ranks. **Bastards!**" she hissed angrily.

Anders put both arms around her and pulled her close as he kissed her fiercely.

"You have no idea how I have missed you. Your guidance and support has always meant the world to me. How did I ever think I could go on without it?" he chuckled sadly.

"You always had both, if I was present or not... So, we are overthrowing an institution that has been reluctant to change for a thousand years. Can't be harder than ending a Blight," she grinned and Anders chuckled.

"Maker, I love you..." he gave her a soft kiss," So far I have joined a mage underground. We help break out mages, who have been convicted to the rite of tranquillity against their will. I have also tried to write down my arguments to convince people that the circle is abusive and unjust," he explained.

"Sounds like a good start," she agreed.

Anders gave her a regretful look.

"I know you and Nora depend on me, but I can't turn my back on this cause. I will make sure that the fewest innocents are harmed in the process," he said with a pained expression.

"Spoken like a true warden," she chuckled and stroked his cheek, while smiling.

"I know, and the irony is not lost on me," he replied giving her a small kiss.

She leaned her head against his shoulder and looked over at Nora. They were quiet for a little while until Elissa broke the silence.

"How did you become so good with small children? I know you had experience with older once, but never anyone as little as her," she asked.

"Since I got here I have been helping the refugees. Delivered children and treated even the youngest, so along the way I picked up a few tricks. To think of all the time I spent on other people's children, never knowing I had one of my own out there," he sighed.

"I didn't know either until after you left... remember when we decided to have her?" she smiled.

"Yes, we got a lot of practice... speaking of which, don't you think it's about time your husband gave you a prober welcome to Kirkwall?" he smirked, as he began nibbling her neck.

"Justice or no, some things never change," she giggled and pulled him down on the bed with her.

* * *

**-OOO- Anders -OOO-**

Four weeks had passed since their wedding and Anders was as happy as he had ever been. He was lying in bed and looked out the window, as the warm glow of the morning sun entered the window. It wouldn't be long before fall arrived and the leaves had already begun to switch colour. Elissa began muttering next to him and he turned to watch her. Softly he stroked her cheek hoping to wake her gently. He had come accustom to her nightmares, which were far worse than his own would ever become. When she still didn't wake he kissed her forehead over and over.

"Wake up, love," he said softly.

Elissa's eyes finally fluttered open and he dried her tears.

"Maker, I wish I could kill the Arch Demon again, just to get revenge for the nightmares," she grumbled.

"Leave it to you, to actually seek out something to kill... Such a shame when I know there are other - more delightful things - you could occupy your time with," he purred and leaned over her, as he began kissing and nibbling her neck.

"I married a sex addict," she teased and instantly moaned as his hands began exploring.

"**You** made me a warden, my love. Now you must suffer the consequences," he growled against her neck.

Soon the room was filled with sounds of heatedly expressed declarations of love, which let to them chanting each other's names in a hymn that spread through the halls. Thankfully the newlyweds had moved to quarters further away from the others.

Anders was lying on top of her, resting his weight on his knees so he wouldn't crush her and stroking her moist check lovingly. He loved to see her glow and thought that he could stare at her for hours. She opened her eyes and gave him adoring look that made his heart pump faster. He kissed her lips softly.

"I love you," he whispered.

"I love you too," she replied, but then her eyes grew wide. "What time is it?"

"A little past eight, why..." he began, but she pushed him of her with such force he nearly fell onto the floor.

"Son of a blighted nug! I'm late!" she hissed at herself and hurried to put on her clothes.

When she pushed her head through her sleeve Anders couldn't help but laugh at her.

"Shut up!" she growled, as she corrected it.

"I didn't say anything!" he objected, but still smirking.

"You thought it!" she accused.

"Everyone wants to control my thoughts. So why are you in such a hurry? I thought the Arlessa had the day off and we won't know anything more about the Architect or Mother until Nathaniel, Velanna and Justice return," he asked still lying comfortably in bed.

"Felsi is coming today with Oghren's son. I promised I would be there as moral support," she clarified.

Understanding dawned on Anders and he smiled softly at her though she didn't notice. She went out of her way to help those who needed her, even if it was for something as small as being there for Oghren. Which actually wasn't a small thing at all he realised. Her support meant so much to all of them and it was one of the reasons he loved her so much.

"Is there something you need me to do?" he asked getting out of bed.

"Would you take Animus for a walk?" she asked and almost looked relieved.

"Of course," he replied and reached for his clothes.

She embraced him and gave him a deep kiss before running out the door.

* * *

After Anders had taken Animus out for his walk, he walked into the dining hall where he knew Elissa would be with Oghren and his family. Elissa was sitting with Oghren's son in her lap and she looked so happy. It really suited her and without realising it he found himself wondering what their children would look like. This made him pause for a moment. He had never considered having children before, but he had always been very fond of children. He also knew that the chances of wardens having children were low, but not impossible. But she was a warden as well so it might not be possible at all. He wondered if he should mention it, but he knew that it was better for them to talk about it. She was the only person he didn't mind sharing everything with. When Elissa saw him she handed the child to Oghren, before walking over to Anders and giving him a kiss.

"Thank you, love," she smiled.

"You are welcome. So, how is our own mountain of belches doing?" he smirked.

"Well, he was nervous at first, but he is doing better now," she replied, as she turned and leaned her back against his chest.

He noticed her looking at the child again with a smile on her face.

"Love, there is something I need to ask you," he said hesitantly.

"Yes?" she looked up at him, still leaning against him.

"Do you know if it's possible for us to have children? If you want them that is," he said carefully.

Her expression turned serious and she pulled away. He feared that he might have hurt her feelings, but it didn't seem like it. She eyed him carefully as if to determine if he was serious. Much like she had done when he proposed to her.

"Do **you** want children?" she asked.

"With you yes, but I know it might not be..." he began, but she took his hand and pulled him into her office and locked the door.

"I like where this is going. I wasn't proposing we tried to make one right now, but I am nothing if not accommodating," he smirked.

"Cute, but that's not it. The chance of us having children is very, very low, but..." she hesitated.

"But what?" he pressed, leaning against her desk.

"I know of a ritual. A magical ritual, which allows a warden to conceive a child. But if we want to do this, it needs to be soon, because the warden mustn't have been tainted for too long," she explained.

"That's... wonderful actually. If you give me this ritual I can prepare everything," he smiled.

She stood in front of him and gave him that careful look again

"What happened to the careless mage with a lack of ambitioned I recruited?" she smirked.

"He realised that a life outside the circle was an actual possibility, not just wishful thinking," he said lovingly and pulled her close.

"I love you," she whispered, before kissing him.

There was a hard knock on the door and Varel came storming in the door.

"Forgive me Commander, but Howe and Justice have just returned. The darkspawn are about to attack Amaranthine,"

* * *

**-OOO- Elissa -OOO-**

Elissa looked at Amaranthine and found that she could hardly breathe. She had to choose between burning Amaranthine to the ground or leave the Vigil to be attacked without their commander. She saw Howe, Velanna and Sigrun's faces before her eyes. She remembered Ser Gilmore telling her that the wardens were sometimes forced to burn cities like this. Everything Duncan had taught her was that the darkspawn should be stopped no matter what. And burning the city and going back to Vigil's Keep would kill most of them.

"Burn it down," she said with determination, trying to listen to her feelings.

"What? No, love you can't do this!" Anders objected.

"He is right, Commander," Justice replied.

Elissa looked back at them with a determined look. Perhaps this was one of the times were she had to be strong as a commander, but she also knew it was important to listen to her trusted allies. Anders seemed to understand that she didn't want to have her authority questioned in front of the guards and soldiers, so he took her hand and gently led her away.

"Ellie, you can't do this. Trade will collapse without Amaranthine and if there is just one innocent person inside..." he began, with a desperate expression and pained eyes.

"And what about the people back at the keep?" she trembled and could feel that this was one of the many 'what if's' that would haunt her.

"We can protect Amaranthine. You upgraded the Vigil to dwarven standards. It will hold until we get back," he tried to comfort.

"You know what? If we protect Amaranthine and then go back to Vilgil's keep directly after, we might be able to flank the darkspawn," she said with sudden optimism.

"Perfect! Now let us go show the darkspawn that it's lethal to mess with the wardens' fearless leader and her husband," he smiled.

"I knew there was I reason I married you," she purred and they ran to the gates.

* * *

They had managed to protect Amaranthine, but it had only barely survived. Elissa ran over to the guards.

"What is the word from the Vigil?" she asked breathlessly.

"What we have heard is not good..." the guard explained.

"Then we'll better hurry. Get your men and let us hurry to the Vigil," Elissa replied.

"Are you sure that is wise Commander?" the guard questioned.

"The commander gave you an order, lieutenant." Anders said firmly and the guard nodded and went to gather his men.

Elissa turned to Anders and smiled softly at him as thanks, before they hurried back to the Vigil.

When they arrived the walls were still holding, but it wouldn't be long before the keep was completely overrun. Elissa grabbed a piece of paper and wrote a note, before taking a bow and shooting it high into the air and over the wall. Anders looked at her with surprised.

"I didn't knew you could do that,"

"I have a lot of talents. Let us hope someone picks it up. Anders, I want you to grease the earth on this side and set it on fire. I have asked those inside the Vigil to do the same if they read it. Then we will have trapped the darkspawn and we can take them down from the sides. Justice, you can take a half of the footmen to the south and Oghren take the other half to the north," she instructed.

"Yes, commander," Justice and Oghren replied and gathered up the men.

"Anders, I want you to stay here with the archers. Keep the fire going. I'm going to sneak around the horde and get into the keep," she instructed.

"Yes, Commander," Anders replied.

She turned from him, when he grabbed her wrist and pulled her close giving her a deep passionate kiss.

"You shouldn't be going in alone," he breathed.

"I have Animus," she smiled a little flippant and Animus barked in agreement.

Anders however did not look convinced.

"Promise you'll come back to me," he said seriously holding her face.

"I promise, but you have to promise me he same," she almost pleaded.

"Not even an Arch Demon is going to stop me," he chuckled and kissed her once more.

Elissa had to admit she was nervous, when she was sneaking around the horde on her own. Thankfully Anders started the fire as planned, while Oghren and Justice had them trapped behind it, leaving only a few unfortunate stragglers for her to deal with. They managed to get to the wall, far from where the attack was taking place. Fortunately a soldier saw her.

"Commander!" he said ecstatically and threw down two ropes. One for Elissa and one for Animus.

Inside the wall she ran to the gates were she ran into Howe, Sigrun and Velanna.

"You came back for us!" Nathaniel exclaimed with disbelief.

"Of course I did," Elissa smiled and then began giving orders.

"I need us to throw oil over the wall and Velanna and the archers to set it on fire. Anders will keep the fire going from the other side and Justice and Oghren are flanking them. Let us show darkspawn why wardens are feared!" Elissa said loudly and the soldiers rallied with new hope.

For half a day they fought, but the darkspawn numbers fell quickly with their joined forces. Because of Elissa's trap hardly anyone escaped and by nightfall it was finally over. Soldiers praised her and cheered, but Elissa hardly paid attention as she walked back and forth at the gates, fearing for Anders. When she finally saw him, he was leaning against Justice as he was limping. She ran towards him and embraced both him and Justice simultaneously.

"Thank the Maker," Anders breathed into her neck.

"Is everyone alright?" Elissa asked.

"There were a few casualties and a lot of injured. Oghren is making sure they are brought in," Justice explained.

"Alright. Anders I want you to stay her and take care of the injured. I have to go after the mother, before she can arrange another strike against us," Elissa ordered.

Anders frowned and reached into the pouch in a belt and pulled out a potion. He swallowed the lyrium potion and healed his leg, before taking her arm and pulling her aside. He placed her up against the wall and kissed her fiercely.

"You are not going without me," he said in a strict voice.

"Last time I checked I was the Commander, **warden**," she replied sternly, crossing her arms.

"You are also my wife! I will do everything you ask of me, when in combat, but you are never to go without me. Being out there, not knowing whether you were dead or alive... Don't ask me to stay behind, Ellie," he said with great concern.

"The people here need you..." she began, but then Anders fell to his knees before her, apparently not caring that half the keep saw him doing so.

"I'm begging you to take me with you. Please, love," he pleaded and despite herself Elissa found herself smiling.

"Damn you!" she hissed.

"Was that a 'yes'?" he grinned.

"Yes... I hope you are aware Oghren is never going to let you live this down?" she chuckled.

"It was a worthy sacrifice," he shrugged while getting up.

* * *

**-OOO- Justice -OOO-**

They were leaving the layer of the mother after having defeated both the Architect and the Mother. Elissa had tried to convince the Architect to continue his research under warden supervision, which surprised Justice, but the darkspawn had refused. She had made many puzzling decisions during the last two days. First she had wanted to burn Amaranthine, but apparently she was willing to listen to both Anders and himself. Then she had prioritized her men and the keep higher than getting to the Mother and made an impressive strategic plan. It was no wonder she was admired among her kind. He looked at her and Anders walking in front, his arm around her waist as she leaned her head on his shoulder. Anders' behaviour had changed after their marriage. He was as devoted as Justice had ever seen him. And Justice was not quite sure what to make of Anders' behaviour at keep him. Kneeling and begging was not something Anders would have ever done, before. Justice felt sadness in his heart. He knew that Elissa cared for him and valued his friendship, but he could feel that a part of him wanted more. He would never wish to take it from Anders of course, but he so wished that one day he would have the opportunity to have what they had. To feel loved. He chuckled however, when the dog softly nudged his hand with its snout, as if it meant to comfort him. Unintentionally, he overheard a conversation between Elissa and Anders that had no meaning to him.

"So, how do you say that we begin when we get home?" Anders suggested with a grin.

"We have just fought the most hideous broodmother I have ever seen and **that's** what is on your mind?" she gave him an amused look.

"After everything, I don't want to waste anymore time," Anders replied with a seriousness that surprised Justice.

Elissa turned to look at Anders and for some reason she looked happier than Justice had ever seen her. And he found himself wishing that just once she would look at him, as she did Anders at that moment.

* * *

_Author's note:_

_I hope you don't mind the changes I made to the final battle. It always angered me that I didn't have the choice to go back to the Vigil and at least try and save it. Anyway I hope you enjoy this chapter, even though a lot of it dialogue and not very detailed battles._


	16. Chapter 16 Friendly concern

**Friendly concern**

Elissa stretched in contentment arching her back and heard Anders' breathing hitch. Smiling with her eyes still closed she turned and snuggled against his chest. She had missed him so much, but she was not certain that she had entirely forgiven him yet. She knew some of his reasons, but she still needed to hear the full explanation. But at that moment what was important was that he loved her and was there with her. She could hear his breathing becoming heavier and she smiled to herself. Warden stamina did have its benefits. She opened her eyes and saw blue cracks all over her husband. She was so surprised she gave a yelp and sat up moving away from him. Anders looked strangely vulnerable and seemed to be looking everywhere but at her.

"Do not be alarmed, commander,"

Elissa paused... she knew that voice. She looked down at her naked body and chuckled to see the blush forming on Anders' cheeks, even at he was emanating that blue glow. She pulled at the blanket to cover herself and looked at the spirit with a small smile.

"I think 'Elissa' is more appropriate now, don't you?" she smiled fondly.

"I... you might be right," Justice replied, still unable to look at her.

Gently she put forward her hand and turned his head to look at her.

"Hello Justice. You have been missing my friend," she accused raising an eyebrow.

She instantly regretted it when she saw the pain crossing her friend and husband's face.

"Anders - we thought you would never be able to look at us after... what happened," Justice replied turning his head down in shame.

"You could have explained and I would have listened, but I do understand why you needed to run," she said softly and the spirit looked at her hopefully.

"You do? The other wardens would have..." he began.

"Killed you if you stayed. Yes I know. And for that reason I am grateful you left,"

She took his hand in hers and began stroking her thumb over the calloused knuckles. Justice looked more downcast than she had ever seen him. It seemed that both he and Anders suffered from deep melancholy since their joining. This was one thing her deadly blades could never make right.

"I owe you an apology, com – Elissa. I promised you once that I would not take what I desired from others, but it seems that I did," he replied his voice heavy with regret.

"You did no such thing. Anders offered something to you and you accepted. There is nothing wrong with that. I introduced you to Wynne, you had no idea it your merging would end the way it did," she soothed.

"You forgive me?" the spirit asked with a hesitation that broke her heart.

"There is nothing to forgive," she smiled with a smile that nearly undid the spirit.

Hesitantly, cautiously, his azure eyes, covered in magical flames, looked directly into hers. As timid as a bird he leaned in, watching her as if she was starved tiger lying in wait for her next kill. Ever so softly his lips touched her cheek, as if her skin was made from molten lava that would incinerate him should he get to near. The blue glow filling the room retreated and when the kiss was pressed firmly against her and lips began travelling alongside her neck, she knew her husband had returned. An impatient knock on the door tore Elissa from the bliss only his lips could provide.

"Yes?" Anders growled his annoyance.

To their surprise the door went wide open and Isabella and Hawke entered. Rather than covering herself Elissa had raised a throwing knife and held it ready for piercing its next victim, while Anders held up a hand, electricity running up and down his forearm. Hawke held up his hands.

"Is that any way to greet a friend? And may I say, Anders, you have made a lovely choice of bride?" Hawke grinned.

"Indeed," Isabella purred still standing with lockpick's in her hand.

Elissa covered herself with one hand the other still firmly holding the knife.

"You two must be among the most foolish people in Thedas to mess with not one, but two wardens," Elissa hissed.

"I think we could take you," Hawke grinned with confidence.

"Say Hawke, ever heard of the Arch Demon?" Anders glared.

"Point," Hawke conceded.

"Spoil sports. Anyway we just came to tell you that breakfast is served in Varric's suite," Isabella pouted and walked out the room with Hawke right behind her.

Anders sends out a telekinetic burst and slammed the door behind them.

"Uh, I do love when you do that," Elissa purred against his ear.

"I know of othe..." Anders began, but Nora started crying.

Elissa groaned loudly and threw herself back into the bed giving a pitiful whine and Anders chuckled before walking over to pick up Nora. A few moments passed and Anders managed to calm the little girl. Elissa smiled seeing him with Nora in his arms and talking softly to her. He was no longer just an echo in their lives and a haunting whisper, but he seemed genuinely interested in being a part of their future. As damaged as her love might be he filled a void in Elissa, which kept all the haunting of her past at bay.

Half an hour later they found themselves around Varric's table once more. Anders was sitting with Nora and had not let go of her since he picked her up. It was as if he was terrified of losing her.

"Alright, so what happened after you got married?" Hawke asked between bites.

"A lot of things that are warden secrets... but I can tell you this, we met an emissary called the Architect and defeated him and a nasty broodmother," Anders replied.

"Wardens and their secrets. It's impossible to get a good story out of them," Varric grumbled.

"Very well, can you at least tell us how you ended up in your current predicament?" Hawke questioned.

"Yes, that part we can..." Elissa sighed as she began the tale once more.

* * *

-OOO- Elissa -OOO-

Elissa was in her office in Vilgil's Keep and the King of Ferelden had decided to pay her a visit. And apparently thought she was warranted a scolding.

"Maker Elissa! I never thought of you as being reckless, marrying that mage on a whim in the middle of the night. And the way **I** hear about it is through Zevran?" Alistair scolded.

"Is your problem that he is a mage?" she asked with venom.

"You know perfectly well it isn't! You have hardly known him for more than a few months and then you marry him. This is about you making a rash decision and not being reasonable," Alistair replied angrily, though concern was evident.

"And how long had we known each other?" she spat.

Alistair sighed and rubbed his forehead.

"I know... I'm just worried about you. If Wynne were here..."

"But she isn't and even if she was this doesn't concern her. And frankly I don't see how it is any concern of yours either," she replied crossing her arms in defiance.

"Elissa, if only you..." Alistair began, but was interrupted by the door opening.

Anders walked in the office and closed the door behind him.

"Sorry, I didn't mean to interrupt," Anders smirked with faked politeness.

"Don't you knock?" Alistair sneered.

"I do, I just didn't want to," Anders shrugged and Elissa had to bite her tongue to keep herself from laughing.

"This conversation is private," Alistair said sternly.

"If so, you should keep your voices down and besides since it involved me I would say I am entitled to join it. And I have really missed a good argument with a templar since my joining," Anders replied sarcastically and walked over next to Elissa and kissed her cheek.

"Ex-templar, thankfully," Alistair smiled and then took a deep breath. "Alright let me be direct. Do you actually love her?" he asked seriously.

"I don't see how that is any of my business," Anders replied crossing his arms as well.

"It isn't - at all. But Elissa is my friend and I care for her, so I would be more at ease knowing that the man she married did love her as she deserves," Alistair explained.

Elissa saw Anders' expression soften and he relaxed his arms.

"In that case, yes I love her. She is the most important thing in my life," Anders explained looking at Elissa with adoration.

"Good, that's all I wanted to know. Now why couldn't you have told me so I had a heads up? You know the chantry is going to give me a world of grief for this. The Hero of Ferelden, married to a mage, they might start swooping into my castle at any given moment," Alistair whined and was now much less serious.

Elissa and Anders both chuckled.

"Sorry about that. If it is any consolation we did keep it quiet to avoid you the grief. And any meddling," Elissa smiled.

"Yes, well nothing to do about it now. I do have a wedding present for you," Alistair smiled and reached into his pocket.

"It's from myself, Zevran and Lelliana. And I have on good – well Oghren's authority that you are going to like this," he continued and placed a glass vial of blood on the table.

Anders picked it up hesitantly and was at complete loss for words and Elissa gasped.

"You didn't!" she squealed happily.

"We did," Alistair grinned.

"How?!" Anders exclaimed with disbelief.

"Oh, you'd be surprised what a King, a crow and a former bard turned chantry sister can achieve," Alistair snickered.

"Thank you so much!" Elissa said with joyful tears and wrapped her arms around Alistair.

A moment later Anders was hugging the both of them as well and Alistair laughed. When they pulled away Anders pulled Elissa close and gave her a passionate kiss, before running over to the window. He threw the vial out the window and shattered his phylactery in midair with a lightning spell.

"**I'm free!**" he shouted happily and Alistair and Elissa laughed.

Anders walked over to them with a happier expression than Elissa had ever seen before.

"Thank you again," Elissa smiled.

"Yes, thank you," Anders repeated.

"You are welcome. I must tell you, Elissa, I'm disappointed that you will be leaving your post here. I so hate dealing with Orlisians," Alistair pouted.

Anders looked at her instantly.

"You're... leaving?" Anders asked with a worried expression.

"Oh, sorry, I'll just – give you two some privacy," Alistair said a little bashful and left the room giving Elissa and apologetic look.

Anders turned to her looked both hurt and betrayed.

"It's not what you think. I just got a letter from Weisshaupt this morning. They want me to deliver the information about the Architect personally to Avernassus at Soldier's Peak and overlook the progress for a while. They are sending an Orlisian warden named Stroud to overlook things here in my absence. I didn't keep it from you, I just didn't have the opportunity to tell you until now," Elissa apologized, taking both his hands.

"I see... And what about us? Will I be going with you?" Anders asked carefully.

"No, I need you to stay here and train the new mages. But I will be back and when we are both done with our duties, I think taking a leave of absence would be good for the both of us," Elissa smiled and wrapped her arms around his waist.

"Are we allowed to do that?" he smirked and wrapped his arms around her.

"We most certainly are. They can of course call upon us should they need help, we will still be wardens, but since I am the mighty tainted dragon slayer I think we can have some peace - if I demand it," she smiled and he kissed her lips.

"Looks like you have it all figured out. And where would we go?"

"I don't know, but Fergus has offered to let us live in a small estate in Highever. It's isolated and surrounded by beautiful wilderness,"

"It sounds heavenly. It seems almost too good to be true. Anders the apostate, married with children and living in peace in some small estate," he chuckled against her lips.

"If we ever get children. Why doesn't it work?" she sighed.

"Be patient, love. It takes time for me to learn the ritual completely. It's far different from anything else I have ever dealt with. It will work, I promise," he comforted and Elissa nodded leaning her cheek against his chest.

"You are probably prolonging it to get more sex," she teased.

"Maybe," he teased back.

* * *

-OOO- Anders -OOO-

Elissa had been gone for months and Anders was missing her terribly. Not just as his wife, but as his commander. Things were not going well with the wardens since she had left. Stroud did not have the soft and caring touch she did and the equality Elissa had always made sure to maintain, was gone. Anders had noticed how they watched the mages, especially him, and there were days where it felt as if being back at the tower. The mages were not allowed to go anywhere on their own, not even Anders himself, who had been put in charge of the mages. He had of course vocalised his issues with this and confronted Stroud more than once. This had let to Stroud recruiting a new warden, a former templar named Roland. Since he joined the order he had accompanied Anders on every single mission. For Elissa's sake Anders bore it... barely, and only the knowledge that she would return and take him away from this nightmare kept him going. Justice didn't fare any better under the new leadership, who saw him as nothing more than a walking corpse. Roland saw Justice as an abomination and so Justice was kept from going on missions all together. The wardens Elissa had recruited had all made their objections known about this treatment of Justice, but apparently their opinion didn't matter. A few weeks ago Aura told Justice that she did not wish to see him anymore and Justice had been heartbroken. Sending Elissa away from them seemed like the worst idea ever too Anders.

Anders was walking down the hall with his gloomy thoughts, when suddenly he heard a voice, be it angry, it lifted his spirits. He found himself picking up pace and as he turned a corner he saw the most beautiful sight in the world. Elissa was standing in the middle of the hallway, fury burning in her eyes and scowling up at Roland. Despite Roland being heavily muscled and very tall, Anders didn't miss the respect and fear he had for the little woman standing in front of him.

"If I **ever** see you treat any of my wardens that way, I swear I know people in the dead Legion who would welcome some aid from a warden," Elissa hissed.

"They are no longer **your** wardens," Roland sneered.

"We are brothers and sisters, and they will always be my wardens. If you don't understand that then you are not worthy of the title of Grey Warden. And don't for a moment doubt that I wasn't serious about the legion. I will find the deepest and blackest pit and leave you there, if I hear as much as a whisper about you treating any warden like that again!" she growled.

When he didn't reply she grabbed his collar and forcefully pulled him down to her level.

"Do you understand?" she snarled.

"Y-yes commander," Roland replied and she released him.

Roland walked towards Anders who was snickering and the templar gave him a deadly scowl. Not that Anders could be bothered as he only a second later had Elissa jumping into his arms and kissing him fiercely. A pleasure not lessened by the growl of annoyance coming from Roland as he walked away. When she pulled away Anders smiled brightly at her.

"Have I told you that I love you?" he smiled.

"You might have mentioned it," she giggled.

"Well, then let me show you instead," he purred.

She gave a yelp as Anders lifted her into his arms and began carrying her to his room.

* * *

Anders awoke and sleepily reached for Elissa, but found that her side of the bed was empty. He sat up instantly and realised just how fearful it made him that she wasn't next to him. He took a deep breath when he saw her sitting at the desk. She looked troubled, leaning back in the chair with one leg resting on the desk while she was reading a letter. Only wearing a robe Anders could see the white expanse of her entire leg. He stood up, walked over to her and began massaging her shoulders.

"What is it, love?"

"I got a request from the circle. They would like someone to hold a lecture about the Architect. I know who to send, I just don't know how he will feel about it," she replied looking up at him pleadingly.

"Oh no. I didn't escape just to go back," Anders objected.

"Please, please, please... for me? It would set a good example to other mages and it might be easier to get permission to recruit mages in the future if they see all the good that can come from it," she pleaded.

Anders groaned. She smiled wickedly at him and let her fingers trace up the inside of his thigh. Even if he could ever refuse her anything before, he certainly was incapable of doing so now.

"Evil woman. I was warned that women would use such tricks to lure me into things I didn't want to do," he grumbled.

"Woman," she corrected instantly.

"The only one... Alright I'll do it," he sighed.

Elissa stood up and embraced him.

"Thank you, love," she said softly.

"You're welcome, but just so you know I want payment in advance," he chuckled darkly and lifted her walking towards the bed kissing her as she giggled happily.

* * *

It was with a certain satisfaction that Anders approached the Circle Tower. He revelled in the fact he could go inside and leave exactly when it suited him, while waving at the templars unable to touch him. He also looked forward to telling the First Enchanter that he was a warden now. But most of all Anders looked forward to seeing some of the few people he had considered friends. Walking into the library he heard Karl's voice, as he was instructing some of the apprentices. Anders leaned against one of the bookcases and watched as Karl instructed them. After a minute or so Karl noticed him.

"Anders?! Sweet Andraste, what are you doing here?" Karl laughed and walked over and gave him a big hug.

"I have been asking myself the same question, but it seems the wardens would like me to educate the circle on the Architect," Anders smiled as he pulled back.

"Are you a warden?" One of the apprentices asked.

"I am," Anders replied.

Suddenly all of the students gathered around him, while studying his armour and asking him tons of questions so fast he couldn't answer them.

"You always did create chaos wherever you went," Karl chuckled.

"What can I say? It's part of my charm," Anders grinned and continued, "Alright, one at a time and only one question each," he told the young apprentices.

"Have you fought darkspawn?" one asked.

"Lots and let me tell you it is not as glamorous as it sounds," Anders frowned.

"Do you know the Hero of Ferelden?" another asked.

"Yes, I do. She recruited me and..." he began, but got interrupted as the children began asking a lot of questions.

"What is she like?"

"I heard she is deadly,"

"Is she very beautiful?"

"I heard she is as fierce as a High Dragon,"

"And bloodthirsty,"

Anders chuckled as he was unable to get a word in edgewise. Karl held up both hands.

"Alright, calm down. Let Anders talk," Karl said loudly and the children obeyed.

"Ellie - ehm... The Hero of Ferelden, is very powerful and strong, but she is not fierce. She is actually very kind, extremely generous and merciful. She is indeed very beautiful, but it is her good heart that makes her amazing," Anders explained and faintly noticed the frown on Karl's face.

"Alright little ones, that is enough. You are dismissed and remember to read the section about the origins of Tevinter runes for our next session," Karl said, as he dismissed the class.

When the children had left Anders jumped up to sit on the desk with his usual careless nature.

"So what have you been up to since I have been gone?" Anders asked with a smile.

"You are infatuated by her," Karl frowned, crossing his arms and ignoring Anders' question.

"That obvious am I?" Anders chuckled.

"Damn it Anders. I thought you knew better. It is difficult enough in here not to get attached to anyone, but on the outside people don't understand it. And she is your commander for crying out loud. If you seduce her and leave her, there will be consequences," Karl scolded.

Anders felt anger rising in him.

"I can't believe you! How many times did we talk about wanting to have what everyone else has? Now I have a change for happiness and you are actually judging me?" Anders hissed.

"I am cautioning you. You are safe within the wardens, but if you take advantage of her then..." Karl began.

"Advantage? I love her! Do you even know what that is?" Anders exclaimed angrily.

Karl's eyes widened for a moment and looked at his friend carefully.

"You love her?... and... how does she feel about you?" Karl asked carefully.

Anders smiled softly as he pulled of his glove and exposed his wedding ring.

"She loves me. Karl, she actually loves **me**... and she married me. She could have had anyone, but she chose to be with a mage," Anders replied with a small chuckle of disbelief.

"Maker... I had heard she was sympathetic to mages, but I never imagined... Congratulations, old friend," Karl laughed and gave Anders another hug.

"Perhaps, this will help people viewing mages differently," Karl mused.

"Yes, because that was why I married her," Anders replied sarcastically.

"Always so touchy," Karl teased.

"So, what has the infamous Karl Theckla been up to in my absence?" Anders asked to change the subject and jumped back on the desk.

"Teaching mostly. They are sending me to the Circle in Kirkwall next week, so it's good you came by otherwise I might not have been able to say a proper goodbye,"

"Kirkwall? What in the Makers name for?"

"They needed new talent and their new knight-captain recommended me. Oh and get this, Cullen is the new knight-captain," Karl replied raising an eyebrow.

"Cullen? But he went mad. I was sure he was stuck in a sanatorium somewhere. Good to know the templars keep their low standards," Anders chuckled regretfully.

"Well, I'll see what happens when I get there. In the meantime let's get to the main hall. Anders the escape artist holding a lecture for the best and brightest of the circle... stories like this belongs in the Wonders of Thedas," Karl chuckled as they walked out the room.


	17. Chapter 17 Merging

**Merging**

At the Hanged Man, morning was slowly turning to midday, but Hawke and his friends still sat around the table listening to Anders' and Elissa's tale. As the morning had progressed all their companions had joined them. Hawke took a mug of ale before speaking.

"And why do we have to hear about this lecture thing?" Hawke questioned raising an eyebrow.

"You really don't have any patience," Anders sighed.

"None at all," Hawke chuckled.

"But what happened next? From what I'm hearing I'm guessing your merging with Justice happens soon?" Varric interjected.

"Yes," Anders replied a little solemnly.

"So tell us already," Isabella encouraged looking at Elissa.

"I'm afraid that from this point on, I'm as clueless as you," she replied looking to her husband, who gave her a sad look.

"Well, what occurred at the circle is the reason everything with Justice happened. You see..." Anders continued.

* * *

-OOO- Anders -OOO-

Karl and Anders walked towards the door separating the mages from the world outside. A door Anders could pass through, but Karl could not. Anders turned to Karl and gave him a friendly hug.

"It was a pleasure seeing you again, my friend," Anders smiled.

"You too. Who would have guessed that Anders would actually have something interesting to say?" Karl teased.

"Ha ha, very funny," Anders faked offense.

"Yes I know. It is really a burden to be this clever. Give my regards to that wife of yours. I hope that I get to meet her some day," Karl smiled.

"So do I. Farwell my friend,"

And Anders exited the door. A few steps out in the courtyard he could see three templars watching him closely. They could just resent him for his freedom, but Anders got a feeling that this was something else. And sure enough as soon as Anders was out of range for anyone to hear, the templars pressed him into a corner. The largest of the templars pushed Anders against the wall. Anders knew he could take them down, but he was already in enough trouble with the wardens and if he and Elissa were to leave soon and live undisturbed, he couldn't afford to make more enemies.

"Well, Noel, if it isn't a pleasure to see you. Had I known you missed me this much I would never have left," Anders said sarcastically.

"Shut up and listen carefully, Anders. Someone like you doesn't deserve a place among the wardens and certainly not to be married to noble, but things being as they are we can't touch you," Noel admitted through gritted teeth.

"Your sorrow makes my heart bleed - truly. Now as you said you can't touch me, so let me go," Anders demanded firmly.

"Not until you hear me out. I hope you like my friend Roland. I was among those who recommended him," Noel grinned and even harder when he saw the flair of annoyance in Anders' eye.

"I should have known. But I'm grateful you were so concerned for my welfare that you gave me a bodyguard," Anders joked, barely holding his anger back.

Noel was somewhat sobered suddenly and looked at him deadly serious.

"We know what you did to Rylock and that a murderer like you, are allowed to walk around freely is an injustice and an offense to the Maker. But as we already established we can't touch you, but this is what we will do instead. Mages are still not allowed to keep their children, so when we hear even the faintest whisper that your wife has given birth to a little freak of nature, we are going to come for it," Noel smirked with satisfaction.

Anders' anger raged within him and he could no longer contain it.

"Don't you dare!" Anders threatened.

"We will do even better, when she is highly pregnant we will watch over her day and night. You wife won't even get to see her child. And when she has lost what she loves the most, she will know it was because she defiled the Maker and married someone who bore the mark of the Maker's hatred. She will finally see you for the monster you are," Noel chuckled darkly.

"We will kill you if you try," Anders growled.

"Even better. I will kill your wife before your eyes and take away your child. I will inflict so much pain on you that you will beg to be made tranquil,"

Noel then smited Anders, before punching him in his stomach and the three templars walked away. Anders felt his eyes watering and tears of anger fell from his eyes almost constantly as he continued his journey back to Vilgil's Keep. For a few months he had actually allowed himself to believe that his life would be different. That he and Elissa could have a family and a life together, in peace. But Noel's threats had made it apparent that there could be no such future for them. Freedom had to be universal for all mages in order for them to have that future.

* * *

When he returned to the Vigil he was relieved that Elissa hadn't left again. He needed to be close to her, but he had no idea how he would tell her what had happened. She was so looking forward to their future together and had been through so much hardship. How could he break all of her dreams and hopes? She might have friends in high places, but not even the King of Ferelden could make this go away. And for a moment he hated himself for have given into his feelings for her and married her so rashly. He had doomed her and prevented her from ever having a normal and happy life. Now she had ended up bound to man who could give her no future at all. He would have to tell her everything that had happened, but he had no idea of how to do it. His heart was breaking.

When he entered her study Elissa got from her chair and jumped into his arms kissing him passionately. As she pulled away she smiled so brightly at him, that everything inside him twisted painfully. He did his best to conceal it, though it didn't quite work.

"Are you alright?" she asked concerned.

"I'm just tired from the journey," he lied with a smile on his face.

"Not too tired I hope," she purred against his lips with a kiss.

She took his hand and led him towards their private quarters, next door. The room was filled with candles, a bath with scented oils stood ready for him and next to it was a table with wine, cheese, freshly baked bread and berries. The bed was covered in rose peddles and he noticed that the bed linen was new. He even suspected the sheets were made of silk. Elissa had obviously gone through a lot of trouble to spoil him like this. She smiled brightly and stood on her toes to kiss him.

"Take of your clothes and enjoy your bath. I'll be right back," she whispered and gave him another kiss.

When she left the room he sighed. All of this was so perfect, romantic and sweet – and he felt guilty for so many reasons. For one he should have been the one to do something like this for her, not the other way around. Secondly he came here as the bearer of the most discouraging news. He sighed again and rubbed the bridge of his nose. As he began undressing he looked at the desk and his blood ran cold. On the desk was the parchment with the fertility ritual Elissa's friend, Morrigan, had given her. Anders had spent hours studying it, as it was very old magic not taught in the circle any longer. They had tried to make it work before, but until now had no success. He looked at the nightstand next to the bed and saw the incense burning that was needed for the ritual. On the floor around the bed was placed the magical runes Anders had created following the parchments instructions. Next to the wine he saw an empty flask, he knew used to contain the potion needed for the ritual. It was only natural that she wanted them to try again. He had promised her as much – but with what had transpired at the circle tower he didn't know if he could do it. At the very least they could still enjoy the evening and he heated up the water in the tub and got in it. Unconsciously he drank the wine and almost panicked, when he realised he had emptied the glass.

When Elissa came back, she was wearing her white silk robe, her long brown hair lose and curled. She had even put on some of her mineral makeup darkening her eyes and making her lips look ruby red. She looked nothing short of a celestial spirit and despite everything – perhaps even in the light of everything – he felt like the luckiest man in Thedas. She looked at him shyly and carefully – agonisingly slowly – she pushed her robe of her shoulders. She was wearing a white silk chemise, the fabric covering her breast see-through and Anders' worries seemed suddenly a lifetime away. He would have to tell her about what the templars planned, but tonight he couldn't.

"Maker's breath! You're going to be the death of me," he growled jumping out of the tub.

He took quick steps towards her and gathered her in his arms, his wet body soaking her white chemise. She giggled happily at his enthusiasm and he realised how much he had missed the sound of that giggle. It was a beautiful piece of music only his ears ever heard. He lifted her and carried her to the bed. They had failed at making the ritual work and this time Elissa had prepared it on her own. The chance of it succeeding was slim...

* * *

Anders awoke the next morning by something punching on the bed.

"Animus, get of the bed you dirty beast!" Anders groaned in his half-sleeping state.

"What did you call me?" Elissa asked with an amusement.

Anders turned with a grin on his face and looked at his wife sitting at the end of the bed fully dressed.

"Sorry love," he smiled sheepishly and sat up to kiss her.

When he pulled away he could see that she seemed excited.

"What has sparked your enthusiasm this morning?" he smiled.

"I just got news from some soldiers in the Kokari wilds. They saw a woman with Morrigan's description not a few days ago," she smiled brightly.

"I know she is your friend, but didn't she tell you she didn't want to be followed?" he questioned.

"I know, but I have to find her. She could tell me more about this ritual and what we are doing wrong. I will have to find her and she is my friend. I'm sure she will understand – well no, in her case I'm not – but I'm also worried about her," she explained, still sounding more hopeful by the minute.

Anders sighed. What was he supposed to say to her?

"Love, we don't know if it worked this time or not and there is something I need to tell you..." he began, but he was silenced by a kiss.

"I know, but this might be the only chance I get of finding her. I have to leave now, but I promise we will talk when I get back. Love you," she replied and kissed him again, before almost running out the door.

"I love you too. Be careful!" he just managed to call after her, before the door closed behind her.

Anders let himself fall back into the pillows and gave a frustrated growl that contained all his disappointment, guilt, fear and sadness.

* * *

-OOO- Justice -OOO-

Elissa had left again so abruptly that Justice had barely gotten the chance to say goodbye. Everything about the keep seemed dismal in her absence, as if all the colour had faded, the beauty covered in dust and joy was lessened. Justice was left alone again shortly after her departure. Everyone of the new wardens looking at him as if he was an abomination or a demon. Others treated him as you would a statue. Knowing it was there, but barely acknowledging it. He was denied to go on missions because it made the others uncomfortable. Justice had also noticed that their old group was sent on missions separately. Especially Velanna and Anders were not allowed to join the same mission as Oghren, Nathaniel and Sigrun. It was an injustice and Justice had never felt so helpless. Nor had he ever felt this lonely. Aura did not wish to see him any longer and the absence of Elissa, and the light she provided, was an almost physical ache. While she had been back at the keep, things had almost been back to normal, but she had barely left the gates before things changed again. Stroud said that her compassion and familiarity was inefficient. Maybe Stroud was right, but to Justice it seemed like a small price to pay for the loyalty she inspired instead. He was not the only one who felt her absence. Sigrun seemed less cheerful, Oghren drank more, Velanna was more spiteful and Anders was almost melancholy. Nathaniel seemed to fare better, but Justice assumed that was because he had tried to make up for Elissa's absence. His attempt was admirable and he would have succeeded if not for Stroud's unwillingness to lessen his military hold.

Then there was Roland. Justice had not failed to notice how the former templar constantly watched and antagonized Anders. The treatment and mistrust of such a valuable ally and friend infuriated him. Justice had informed Elissa of this and she had responded with an anger that made even his cold body shake. It astounded him how a rage similar to that of a rage demon could look beautiful on her. He felt a devotion towards her he couldn't quite describe and wished her every happiness in the world. His only regret was that he couldn't offer it to him himself.

He stood in the shadows of the keeps grand walls, watching as life passed by and he was forbidden to participate. He heard yelling and saw Anders standing in the middle of the keep's courtyard in a heated argument with Stroud, while Roland looked on with a smug expression. Stroud looked calm, despite Anders throwing all kinds of colourful insults his way, while holding his cat.

"You can't be serious! What harm could me having a cat possibly do?" Anders growled.

"It makes you to soft. You become a delicate little mage flower whenever that pest is around," Roland hissed.

Stroud gave Roland a determined look to silence the templar.

"Normally it wouldn't, but your insistence to keep him around you at all times has proven a danger. Too you as well as your allies," Stroud explained calmly.

"That's rubbish," Anders objected.

"I was bleeding for nearly half an hour, before you healed me because you were busy fondling that animal," Roland hissed.

"That had nothing to do with my cat. I just didn't want to heal you," Anders sneered.

"Well, you..." Roland snarled and stepped forward.

"Gentlemen calm yourselves. My decision is final Anders. I'm sorry, but the cat has to go," Stroud said with sympathy.

Anders looked around and saw Nathaniel coming towards them.

"Do you believe this?" Anders asked angrily.

Nathaniel stepped over to Anders calmly and asked Stroud and Roland to give them a moment. Justice walked closer to them, to offer some sort of support.

"I know you're upset, Anders, and I don't agree with Stroud's assessment, but it might be best to go along with it for now. I will take your cat to live with my sister for a while and when Elissa comes back she will straighten this out," Nathaniel offered calmly.

"Why is it that I'm always told to keep quiet and let my wife handle things? It's not like I'm incapable of taking care of myself," Anders hissed.

"It's not because she is your wife, but because she is the Hero of Ferelden. Even Stroud has to listen to her. I have written to Weisshaupt and recommended that they reinstate her as commander here. We can only hope it will be before Stroud gets killed by Velanna," Nathaniel joked.

Anders made a loud sigh and reluctantly handed the cat to Nathaniel. Anders then let out a growl and walked with haste steps just outside the walls of the keep. One of the templars recruited watched him leaning against the wall.

"Oh, leave me alone you blighted templar! Can't I have a moments peace?" he sneered, and the templar huffed before stepping inside the walls once more.

Justice walked towards Anders and could see his friend's eyes filled with anger and unshed tears.

"I had no idea that your feline companion mattered this much to you," Justice said with sadness.

"Of course he mattered to me, but it isn't just Ser-Pounce-A-Lot – it's what this represents. The wardens are slowly taking everything from me, that a gained when I became a warden. The chantry is slowly infiltrating the wardens here in Ferelden and that is partly my fault. Elissa worked so hard to make the rights equal among the wardens and I just destroyed it all because I had to marry her," Anders explained with frustration.

"I don't understand. Do you regret loving her?" Justice asked confused.

"No, I don't regret loving her. I regret that circumstances forbid me from loving her as she deserves," Anders sighed, leaning against the wall and sliding to the ground.

Justice felt uneasy. One of the reasons Justice had forfeited any hope of having an attachment to Elissa was because he couldn't provide her with what she deserved. It had been the reason that he had happily accepted – and even encouraged – Anders as her partner and husband. To think that now neither of his friends could be rewarded something they wished for, was heartbreaking. Anders looked up at Justice with regret and pain evident.

"She wants children, Justice. And I can't give them to her," Anders said with great sadness.

"You will have to clarify," Justice enquired as he sat down next to him.

And then Anders told him everything that had happened at the Circle and what it would mean for his and Elissa's future. Justice felt outraged and he couldn't suffer this injustice. He knew that Anders didn't have the will to fight, but if only Justice could convince him then this injustice could be righted. Not just for Anders and Elissa, but for all mages and those who loved them. Justice also felt a little anger towards Anders, who was sitting there like a child instead of owning up to his responsibility to Elissa and his fellow mages. Justice would never fail Elissa in such a way. Never settled for anything less than what she deserved. Unbidden Justice imagined himself being in Anders' shoes. Imagined if it was his arms that held Elissa at night and his hands that righted the wrongs Anders faced. But in the end Justice faced the same dilemma as Anders. He was not strong enough to do it on his own..

"Then there is no solution other than to overturn the Chantry's hold on your people," Justice said with determination.

"If only it was that easy, but where would I even begin? Myself against the chantry isn't much of a rebellion," Anders chuckled sadly.

"So you still refuse to liberate you kin?" Justice groused.

To his surprise Anders gave him a serious look.

"I have been thinking about your words, my friend. I do wish for things to change, but I can't win this hand single handed," Anders replied with regret.

"You could find other likeminded mages, who wish to fight for their freedom. There has to be others," Justice encouraged.

"Of course, but how would I find them? How will I even seek out these allies, when they are all in hiding?" Anders sighed.

Justice looked at Anders. Nathaniel had once suggested that Justice should find a human host and Elissa had introduced him to one of his kind, who had preformed such a merging

"You already have one in me," Justice said seriously and Anders looked at him with surprise.

"You have shown me an injustice larger than any I have faced. Will you take what I have to offer?" Justice continued.

Anders looked thoughtful for a moment and then began twirling his wedding band. Anders brought the ring to his lips and kissed it – a sentimental gesture Justice did not know the meaning of. Anders then extended his hand and shook Justice's.

"Deal."


	18. Chapter 18

**Ellie's lament**

Varric and Isabella listened intently, as Hawke looked at him with compassion and understanding. Elissa looked at Anders with watery eyes and he held Nora close to his chest as he continued his tale.

"That night Justice and I escaped the keep and went out into the wilds. We wanted our merging to remain secret, so we did it as far away from civilisation as possible. Unfortunately Roland followed us and before I had recovered from our merging, he showed up with both wardens and templars. We were both so confused and Justice took over... he slaughtered them in such a brutal fashion it makes me sick even to recall it. When I regained control over myself and looked down at the carnage I panicked. I knew that the Justice I knew would never have been capable of it and it seemed that I had just made a terrible situation even worse. That was why facing you was so hard. I tried to find a way to make a future for us, but I failed," Anders lowered his head as he said the last words.

Elissa wrapped his arms around him and held him close, their daughter the only barrier between them.

"When you left I thought you had gotten tired of me. I thought I was just another conquest," she replied her voice raspy.

"No, Ellie. You were never just anything. To me or anyone else. I love you so much," he whispered in return.

The others were unusually quiet. No remarks, no mocking sounds or even the sound of an eager quill moving along the parchment. They understood that this moment was important, but Anders and Elissa both knew they would never understand the ramifications of it. It was a world that only those involved could truly understand. The situation had forced them down a dangerous path, one that could lead to sacrifice and despair that only wardens may ever understand. Only wardens know the meaning of true sacrifice and the consequences of the phrase "whatever the cost". A phrase often used, but seldom abided by those who swear it. For who, whomever expressed it, was truly placed in a position where you were had to do the unimaginable in order to achieve the greater good and protect those you love?

Anders looked down at his little girl as his mind flooded with painful memories and his heart disquiet with what seemed like infinite regret and then all of a sudden relief. The Templars had not kept their promise and come for his child. She had remained safe despite it all. He looked at Elissa, his eyes brimming with unshed tears and questions enough to fill the heaviest of books. His heart aching to ask a question he had so long feared to ask. The one that had kept him from writing and had kept him at a distance for so long.

"What happened after I left?"

Elissa looked at him, her eyes as watery as his own and her heart in turmoil with emotions of remorse and anguish.

"I found Morrigan…." she began.

* * *

-OOO- Elissa -OOO-

She had not thought to step foot in that cave so soon after the Mother's demise. In fact she had hoped never to see that filthy lair again. Why was it that she always found Morrigan among taint and death? Yet again the same question could be asked about herself - in fact wasn't she the embodiment of both? A chill ran down her spine as the reality of it her. If her and Anders could not conceive soon then there would be no one to raise the child. For a moment she was angry with herself for even wanting a child so desperately and felt that she could offer it nothing, but the image of her nephew hit her. Howe had killed that little boy who had been protected and was born from a wealthy family. If life had taught her anything that night, it was that no one was safe. Betrayal could be found even in those you trusted the most and in the end there were only a handful of people she could say that she trusted and when it came to her future child only two people could be entrusted with it – Anders and Fergus. Her doubts vanished at the thought of Fergus. If something should happen to both her and Anders then the child would at least have him. A more loving uncle couldn't be asked for and after what happened with his son, he was unlike to leave his sister's child out of his sight. So with new resolve she walked towards her friend. Morrigan seemed to be expecting her and from what Elissa knew of the witch, she wouldn't put it passed her to know that she had followed her all along.

"No further please," Morrigan said gently, but firmly as Elissa approached.

"One more step and I am gone. Forever this time," the witch continued as she observed Elissa closely.

"Hello Morrigan. It's so good to see you are well," Elissa said fondly and a small smile formed on Morrigan's lips.

The witch had always been taught to expect the worst from people and that the world was nothing, but a place where you either used or was used. Elissa had no doubt that Morrigan saw her as a person who was constantly used – perhaps even misused – by those around her, but none the less something sincere had formed between them. Something honest and true, not to mention rare as the two women were so different and their station in life so far apart. Elissa knew that Morrigan cared for her and when everything had been over between her and Alistair, Morrigan had been the first to comfort her. She also offered the only advice that helped Elissa through the heartache. Wynne had only gotten a confirmation of what she had already warned Elissa about – a relationship with a fellow warden – and Elissa had no desire to speak with her. Morrigan offered cruel remarks on Alistair's entire person, and though it might not have been the most just approach – he, after all, was aching too – it made Elissa laugh and realise that no such thing as a perfect partner existed. Had it not been for Morrigan, Elissa would never have dared to open her heart to Anders or understood him half as well as she did. Everything in her furture was something she owed Morrigan.

It still seemed so odd after all this time to see a sincere, heartfelt smile on those lips, however small it might be, but Elissa did not miss the faint sadness in Morrigan's eyes. Morrigan did not pity others, did not feel remorse, but during their friendship - for a select few - the witch did feel compassion.

"I would have gone by now, but I had to see if it was you. I distinctly remember telling you that I did not wish to be followed, yet here you are. Care to explain yourself?" Morrigan asked, though no frown or evidence of dismay was present.

"I know, and I'm sorry. I did not want to go back on my word, but there are two reasons for me coming here. I wanted to know that you were well," Elissa explained, knowing the witch was unlikely to understand her reasoning.

"Worried about me? You will never understand me and I will never understand you," Morrigan shook her head.

"And yet we helped each other even so," Elissa smiled vaguely.

"We did," Morrigan agreed before continuing "And the other reason?"

Elissa took a deep breath. This part of the conversation Elissa had no idea of if Morrigan would understand or not. The witch had become a mother herself, of that Elissa was certain, but if it had changed her and made her understand what Elissa was going to request was another matter.

"I have tried to use the ritual, but this far it hasn't worked. I wanted to ask you if you could help me again. I know I ask a lot…" Elissa began, feeling herself flustered all of a sudden.

Morrigan however held up a hand to silence Elissa.

"I take it, you did have a mage to help you with the ritual?" she asked first and her eyes widened a little with a spark of curiosity, as Elissa smiled sheepishly.

"Actually he is a mage,"

Morrigan smiled for a moment, with bizarre amusement on her part it appeared, before shaking her head with something that seemed to be regret. After a moment Morrigan's golden eyes observed her and the witch walked closer to her. Elissa's followers seemed uneasy, but she knew that she had nothing to fear from Morrigan. Morrigan observed her carefully in a way Elissa had never seen before. There was a concern in her eyes that made Elissa's blood run cold.

"The world is about to change. There are those who resist change, and they will do so with everything ounce of their being. You were not supposed to be in the middle of it, yet somehow you have made it so that you have become just that. You never had much respect for fate," Morrigan smiled a little sadly.

"I'm an expert in cheating it," Elissa chuckled, but knew that Morrigan was aware of how seriously the commander took the word of the witch.

Morrigan placed her hand on Elissa's stomach, a gesture that made Elissa uneasy. Morrigan never touched and had never understood its function, but in the eyes of the witch was something soft and motherly. She would not sacrifice her child the way Flemmeth had done for centuries before her. At least in killing her Elissa was positive she had done the right thing – despite all the moral dilemmas involved with killing a woman who had saved your life.

"And more… You are already pregnant – a month along. A little girl, whose fate has yet to be determined, but have no doubt that hers is intertwined with my sons," Morrigan said fondly and with the loving expression only a mother could create.

Elissa smiled brightly and touched her stomach as if she hoped she could feel the little life growing within her. She then looked at Morrigan, knowing her friend would leave her soon.

"How is the child?" Elissa asked with concern for Morrigan's and Alistair's child.

"He is an innocent, unaware of the destiny set before him… I will have to leave," Morrigan stated, though regret was evident, if only to Elissa.

"Will I see you again?" Elissa asked as the witch walked back towards the mirror.

"Not if you are fortunate. I have a gift for you. It is left for you over there. I thought I knew what Flemmeth wanted was immortality, but I was wrong - so very wrong… Goodbye my friend," And with those last word, spoken as if a lament, Morrigan vanished into the eluvian.

So many contradicting emotions flooded Elissa's mind. Sadness that her friend had left, anxiety over the words that she had spoken, absolute euphoria that she was pregnant. Elissa picked up the book and walked towards the exit, she would look at the book later. Right now she wanted to get home to Anders and inform him that they were leaving the wardens to raise their child.

* * *

What Elissa found on her return however was nothing like she had pictured it. Her wardens had been scattered - searching the wilds, for several missing wardens, but who they were she had no idea. In fact she wasn't even informed of this development by Stroud, but rather a servant she managed to stop in the hallway. She Looked for Anders, but figured he was probably out there searching for them. If they were injured Anders was the most capable of healing them. Even so Elissa could not sit by and wait. It had never been in her nature to be complacent about anything, especially not if people were in danger. So after putting her bags in her room she hurried to Stroud's office, knowing he had been one of the few wardens not to leave the keep. Should any of the search parties return it was adamant someone with authority could handle the situation. She knocked on the door and entered when she heard Stroud asking her to. Elissa had always liked Stroud, despite him abiding the rules to almost ridiculous lengths – a strength and weakness Elissa would never possess – and his choice of recruiting Roland. Stroud had to have known he was merely a chantry spy, but given that the wardens had been exiled from Ferelden before, Stroud was overly cautious. Never mind that the current King was a former Grey Warden. Stroud's thick Orlisian accent and full grown beard, added to his authority, but also made him unpopular with some Ferelden's who still blamed Orlais for the occupation. No doubt this was also the reason Stroud had agreed to Roland's recruitment.

Upon entering the room Stroud gave her a sad and remorseful look that chilled her to the bone. He knew she held a soft spot in her heart for the wardens she had recruited personally and for him to give her THAT look, it could only mean one thing – one of hers was missing.

"Who?" was the only question that left her lips.

"Perhaps you should sit down?" Stroud suggested.

"I'm a warden not a damsel in distress. I want the details and I want them now," she demanded firmly.

"As you wish," Stroud sighed before continuing.

"Three nights ago Anders and Justice left the keep unannounced, as to why….. we are unsure of. We do know that Roland realised this, but instead of informing me, he decided that Anders had become an apostate and that it was now a Chantry issue. We know he contacted some Templar he knew in Amaranthine and they together pursued Anders – with a few wardens loyal to Roland," Stroud explained, his voice heavy with both regret and anger.

Elissa closed her eyes, trying to keep emotions of anger and dread under control. By Stroud's behaviour she knew that he also resented the idea that some wardens had turned on one of their own. Warden should always be able to count on each other. It was adamant when it came to the situations they were put in. Stroud should have dealt differently with the problem between Anders and Roland, but not even Elissa had suspected Anders would have been so stupid as to run. Anders must have figured what could have happened and what a terrible risk it was – not to mention Elissa had tried to create a future for them. Perhaps that was what made Anders run? Perhaps she had scared him and pushed him away. She remembered that last she had seen him over a month ago, there was something he had wanted to tell her, but she had brushed him of in her hurry. How she regretted that decision now. Perhaps he was trying to warn her that he would run or try to let her down gently. One thing didn't make sense though. If he had intended to leave then, why had he waited an entire month before making will to action? You could figure that he needed time to prepare, but Anders was usually a man of action, not patience. It also didn't make sense why Justice had gone with him. At the thought of Justice her heart sank again. She loved that spirit in his own way. He had filled a gap in her heart left after her father's death and she was sure that if she would never see Justice again, it would feel like her father's death all over again. Perhaps Wynne had been right all along – wardens shouldn't love.

"What else do we know?" Elissa asked calmly, the commander acting, while the worried wife was supressed for later.

"We know that they travelled west towards Highever. At first we thought they might have gone searching for you, but if you are here…" Stroud began.

"Animus would have picked up Anders' scent and there would have been no way for us to miss each other," Elissa interrupted, her heart refusing to acknowledge what that could mean.

"I have sent five groups of wardens out to find them. There is nothing we can do but wait for their return. I suggest you get some rest, you have had a long journey," Stroud suggested and Elissa merely nodded before returning to her room.

* * *

Elissa must have been pacing in her room for hours, before she finally collapsed on the bed from exhaustion and fell asleep, burrowing her head in the pillow that still contained Anders' earthy scent. The one that smelled like fresh leaves and spices. But when nightfall came, Animus woke her up with loud barks, letting her know that the searching parties had returned. She hurried to Stroud's chamber and when she entered Nathaniel looked worried, while one of the newer recruits looked VERY sickly. Stroud asked all to leave except for Nathaniel and Elissa.

"What did you find?" She asked, her voice steady - her heartbeat anything but.

"We found Roland along with the two wardens and five Templars that accompanied him. They were ripped to pieces by a beast or…. someone desperate," Nathaniel explained.

"You think Anders?" Elissa asked with disbelief.

"There is no way to tell. The body parts had already been ripped apart by scavengers and wolves, when we got there. Anything could have happened after they died. I do know that they weren't killed by animals, but since they intended to drag Anders back to meet the noose, then there is no doubt in my mind that he and Justice could and would have killed them. But for all I know it could just as likely have been dark spawn," Nathaniel continued, anger penetrating his voice though it was not directed at Anders or Justice.

Elissa merely nodded, not trusting herself to speak. Even blinking seemed risky. She was the Commander and needed to remain strong no matter her relationship with the victims or the offenders – in this situation both terms could be applied to both parties. Stroud stepped forward and very unlike him placed a hand on her shoulder.

"We don't know what happened for certain, but my report will say that the Templars and wardens were killed by dark spawn. It will also be known that Anders was most likely one of the victims of this attack. This should keep the Chantry from interfering further in our affairs. It will also give Anders the lead he needs to escape, for not even the wardens might be able to protect him if he has turned against his own," Stroud said with professional detachment, though his eyes harboured true remorse.

"Commander, I'm so sor…" Nathaniel began.

"No, I don't want to hear it. I want no condolences, no words of remorse or sentences that are meant to comfort. I have heard them all and they don't work. They never did, so please don't. I'm resigning as Warden Commander from this moment on and returning to Highever. My brother needs help rebuilding the lands there. Good night," and with that Elissa left the room.

* * *

Packing had gone surprisingly fast, saying goodbye to her wardens had been even faster. No one knew what to say to her and Elissa had no wish to discuss anything with anyone. Least of all the girl growing within her. Elissa knew from what happened with Conner, that were the Chantry to find out that the father was a mage they would watch of the child vigorously and there was no way she was going to let them steal her daugther. So they would hide in Highever near her brother and the only one she hadn't lost. Elissa had been broken when she had come to Amaranthine, she had never thought she would be just as broken when she left it again.

* * *

-OOO-almost two years later -OOO-

Elissa smiled as she looked at Eleanor playing on the floor, while Animus was watching the little girl and Ser-Pounce-A-Lot had found a warm place to sleep near the fire. Sitting in the castle's study in her father's favourite chair while her small family was enjoying themselves, was one of her favourite things to do. Fergus was worried about her, since she had stopped taking interest in anything beyond taking care of her daughter. In the almost two years she had been back she had not as much as picked up a dagger or bow, while only attending to those duties which absolutely required her presence. So the Hero of Ferelden was more myth and legend now than an actual person. Someone who showed up at court from time to time and where she was the rest of the time, people scarcely knew. Even fewer knew that the Hero had since had a daughter and she was kept isolated from the world as well. Elissa had read the book Morrigan had left for her. It warned of war between two factions, that Elissa interpreted to mean the Templars and mages. One that would bring much death, chaos and destruction, but would also bring about a much needed change. Elissa could try to stop it of course, but she had stopped caring about the world. She had saved it once, if it decided to rip itself to pieces, then it wasn't any of her concern. The hero in her had died and left was a shell of a broken woman, who had been filled only by the wish to become a good parent to her daughter. Where Anders was now, she didn't know. On her better days, she claimed that she didn't care and almost managed to convince herself of it. On not so good ones, she had found herself uttering his name over and over, hoping that he would manifest before her. Much like she had done her parents' shortly after their deaths.

The other part of the book spoke of Flemmeth. Riddles, assumptions and guesses that Elissa could barely make sense of. References that all magic would return to the world, that all that was lost would return to the people. Hints that all children of the dales would regain the power which was lost to them, that humans would be repaid for a cruel deception empowered by their own greed. A reference to the chant of light was made, that Elissa could barely understand fully. What she did understand however was nothing short of blasphemy. The magisters had entered the fade in their hubris, seeking the Golden City that had been promised to them, but what they had found was the lie of a powerful demon. So as they entered a glorious city of gold, it revealed itself to be black and corrupt. The Demon had wanted to manifest itself in the realm of mortals, but found that doing this the common way, was too risky. Instead it planted its seed in the mind of the Magisters and when they returned, they had become dark spawn. Now this half-breed roamed the world, both demon and mortal, purging it of the mortals expanding without regard and consideration for its fellow beings. Elissa had always wondered why she had never seen a dark spawn abomination and Morrigan's words - when they had walked through the circle tower filled with abominations and demons – rang in her ear; "Not unlike the dark spawn corruption. Perhaps this is related?". Even then Morrigan had seen a connection that Elissa hadn't. But how this was all connected to Flemmeth and what the powerful witch intended to do, that upset even Morrigan, Elissa couldn't figure out. So Elissa had retreated into a state of apathy about most things.

Her thoughts were disrupted, when it knocked on the door and a servant entered.

"Forgive me, my lady, but there is a gentleman here to see you. It seemed urgent," the servant apologized.

"Who is it?" Elissa asked, more tired than annoyed.

"He didn't say, but I do believe he is a Grey Warden, my lady," the servant clarified and in to view came Stroud.

"I apologize for the intrusion, but we need to talk," Stroud said firmly and closed the door.

* * *

_Author's note: Sorry for not updating this story in a while. It isn't that I have lost interrest in it, life has just been... messy lately and inspiration for this story didn't strike me when I had the time to write. I hope you enjoyed this chapter and forgive me if there are many mistakes. Been sick, so haven't been as thorough as I probably should have been.  
_


End file.
